How to Channel a Negative Experience into Productivity

Shell

I feel I’ve worked very hard over the last few years to build a life free from as many negative stresses as possible. Yet, as hard as I work to avoid it, sometimes life just throws a negative force my way and I get affected.

I wish I could tell you that I have a solution. A way to avoid bad experiences completely, but I have yet to come across one. Life just has a funny way of f*cking things up now and again, but its OK, because I’ve learned that I can build strength from moments that attempt to break my spirit.

When I’m knocked down, what I learn as I get back up makes me stronger. The lasting impact reduces as I increase my tolerance and patience to work through any negative experience life decides to put me through.

The future is promising and my present is shaping up nicely. I’m experiencing the life I have built for myself and for the first time, I'd become unconcerned with interruption.  The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of good vibes: from networking and connecting with new people, through to celebrating milestones and successes. However, getting caught up in all this current bliss, I overlooked any potential disruptions that would affect this positive flow of energy. I was productive, I was social and I was grounded.

I won’t go into detail, but an echo of disappointment and mistrust knocked me sideways as my identity was threatened. Everything I had work so hard for felt like it was unravelling because of this one, unrelated negative experience. It was so unexpected that disruptive thoughts consumed my consciousness, I was struggling to focus as I tried to regain a positive mental state.

I guess it’s what a lot of us do in situations that impact us negatively, I tried to overcome without processing and I tried to rebuild without reflection. There was bit of a journey between where my mind had ended up to where my mind needed to return, and I had to drive down a highway of reflection to get there. Full of wide turns and varying speed limits, the journey felt long but I found myself finding more peace as I passed each landmark I recognized.

I realized that this is one small, although significant, negative experience was not the energy I needed to nurture. Why dwell on it when I don’t want it? I don’t need it and by investing into it I’m only giving it more power over my life. It’s one of those situations that cannot be reversed, so I have two choices. I can choose to either let it affect all that I have worked on and worked for, or realize my aspirations and utilize this experience towards something productive.

I always forget that negativity is an uncomfortable loud scream over positivity, which is a gentle comforting whisper. Understanding this is how I learned to channel negativity. There are countless ways for me to be productive and do something that benefits me and my life. I just needed to do something to raise those little whispers, something that reminds me of my identity; doing something that reminds me of myself, to remind me of what I want.

I like to write, I like to blog and I like to be alone when I process my thoughts. So I opened up my laptop, poured myself a beer and wrote. Not really trying to think of what to write, I just allowed my mind to focus on whatever it wanted to focus on. Clearly the negative experience was still on my mind so that’s what I wrote about. The more I wrote the more I reminded myself of how much I love this! How much I love just doing what I do and how I want to make this a part of my living. This is what I want and I want more of it.

The more I engaged my passions the balance began shifting back in my favour; the more I was engaging in something that made me feel like me again, reminded me of my potential and my goals. I synchronized my energy into a flow state of productivity and before I realized it, I had this blog post written up, four more ideas drafted and organized my schedule for the week ahead. I overcome a negative experience and rediscovered my bliss by utilizing  things that make up my identity.

Like me, you too can turn your negative experience into something productive.

Whatever bad experience you come across in life, you can get through it. Life will continue to affect you again and again, but as long as you consistently engage in the things that make life worth living, then it won’t be too long before you return to your purpose and focus.

Just keep in mind, you must do whatever it takes to engage those comforting whispers in order to distance yourself from any annoying screams.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Why Guilt Can Advocate Positive Change

guilt

They say love can make you do crazy things and if you’ve ever experienced it you’d probably agree. The emotion is so powerful that it has an overwhelming impact on your identity. When I think about it, I could probably push myself to do a lot of senseless things for the people I love. When an overwhelming power like that takes over you, you realize the force and the significance of emotion.

Guilt is an emotion that, if given enough attention, can harness the power of your true identity and direct you towards positive change.

When guilt arises, it’s very easy at first to deny it. It’s easy to just push it aside into the darkest quarters of your mind as you indulge in one distraction after another. It’s not easy to forget a powerful emotion like that and by battling against it you deceive yourself, causing you to embrace and justify inner torment.

A weight difficult to shed, it can really keep you down from progressing in any positive direction in life. What you may not realize, guilt can be the biggest reveal of your identity and you can use this emotion to navigate yourself towards becoming the best that you can be. Although you may not want to admit it, but honesty is the policy you need to adopt here. Be honest about how you feel, be honest about why you’re guilty and be honest about wanting to overcome this guilt.

Guilt is one of those powerful emotions that allow you to reveal your identity or cause you to lock it away. When you  experience true and life altering emotion, you're required to take responsibility for yourself.

Just as you have to reveal your aspirations to the world in order to achieve them, you must allow your guilt to rise in order to harness its power towards positive change. It’s also crucial to admit that you want to stop feeling guilty. It can feel ironic, but it if you apply positive thought, you present yourself an opportunity to develop positive change.

Processing your guilt causes you to evaluate and reflect, it causes you to face awareness and challenge the identity you've been living with. Powerful emotions like love and guilt have such an effect because they expose your truth. They reveal the most vulnerable parts of your identity and it’s within this vulnerability you’re able to connect to your true self.

When you choose to turn away from powerful emotions, you choose to deny who you really are and what you truly want. You begin to destruct your own identity, probably beyond recognition as you stray further away from fulfillment.

Remember, we are all flawed beings and perfection is an illusion that halts evolution. Hiding or turning away from your emotions because of mistakes and misdirection will only restrict your ability to find peace of mind. Keep you from making the changes you need and want to make in your life.

Every single one of us has the ability to be great, after all we feel the same emotions. What separates those who achieve genuine greatness and those who do not, is how emotions are harnessed.

Guilt allows you the opportunity to learn about yourself, it reminds you of your humanity and your desire to connect with others. Guilt is a chance to discover reason and purpose. Guilt is an opportunity to better your life so that when you do, you can make healthy amends.

Give yourself this opportunity to make positive changes and return to the world proving that you have learned, experienced and are repentant. It was Ghandi that said “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him.”

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

I get out...of all your boxes...I get out...you can't hold me in these chains

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HdzTvH8mvw[/embed]

Heard this track by Lauryn Hill years ago, remembered it recently and the message in this song is poignant and incredibly freeing.

For anyone just not feeling like themselves, feeling a bit lost or generally burdened by anything; it's a good track to listen to.

Motivating, empowering and deeply personal.

I thought I'd share this to give anyone here a boost of creative freedom; to let your identity break free from any emotional captivity.

Don't fear judgment, ridicule or hate.

Your genius yearns to get out.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Why We Secretly Enjoy Getting Pissed Off

anger

When we find ourselves in moments of anger, there’s usually an element of control that’s missing. We fear what we're not in control of, which is why I think this primitive aggression takes over. It’s a way for us to reassert ourselves and regain control.

I reckon we secretly enjoy these moments of rage because they make us feel powerful; they allow us to vent our frustrations without facing our inner truths. However, to move forward happily in our lives, we must learn to overcome fits of anger by being honest with ourselves and what it is we truly want.

It’s no secret that several years ago I used to hold onto a lot of anger. Easily triggered, I would quickly go from a state of calm to an overpowering rage in any situation that didn’t present an outcome I desired. Unleashing my wrath, I would cause emotional harm to those around me and emotional torment upon myself. I hated this part of myself as it did not represent my identity.

My frustrations were fuelled by up keeping outdated cultural traditions, and maintaining and meeting everyone else’s expectations. I was frustrated that I was working very hard to build a life that I was not happy with at all. I felt like the world and everyone in it seeped into my consciousness and controlled me from within. Moulding my identity to fit into ideologies I did not agree with and trends I did not want to follow.

I think flipping the switch and flying off the handle gave me a sense of freedom; it was the ultimate f*** you. I suppose it felt good because it was inadvertently honest. It was a moment where I was unconcerned about anything or anyone else but myself and what I wanted.

Getting Over It

The very day life turned around for me was the day I decided to venture into a life of my own design. When I realized that if I want things to go my own way, I have to go my own way. There was no one to blame anymore, nor was there anything in my way.

One thing that I had to work on though, was my ability to be honest and accept the reasons for my frustrations. It’s difficult to admit when we’re not happy, even more so if others will be affected by this honesty. Being honest is learning to express emotion, its learning to admit challenges and asking for help when needed. Consider anger an indicator of hiding from the truth.

I’ve learned that the more we repress honesty the more we feed our ego, until eventually we build lives where an ego is all we’re left with.

Experience more of that secret enjoyment everyday by regularly expressing yourself in ways others wouldn't expect; be more honest. At first you may experience feelings of displacement, judgment and perhaps even mockery, but once you put yourself out there for the world to see, there’s no need go back. Once you confront and then begin to share your truth, feelings of frustration become far and fewer and experiences of joy become more frequent.

Fight frustration with truth and notice day by day, how much less the world pisses you off.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to Avoid Giving Up: A Formula Tried and Tested

wheel-of-fortune_2011_a_l

Facing a crisis

My life began to get pulled into different directions as my mind kept pacing from one aspect of it to another. I was trying to balance day-to-day motions and emotions, while constructing the next chapter of my life. I found myself losing control because I was motivated by fear.

I had built up a level of success that I feared losing. Rather than deal with these feelings, I sped passed them and missed certain cues telling me to slowdown and evaluate. If I had just taken the time to understand what this new area of success meant and what I should’ve been focusing on, I could’ve re-organized my life and continued on attentively. I would’ve done what I did much sooner…

My priorities were mixed up, my mind couldn’t sit still and it all became overwhelming. It was like my life was stuck in a game of Wheel of Fortune: blogging, completing my book proposal, ‘Feeding the Lion’ videos, consulting, running a home, finances, family, friends, me time? Exercise, meditation, reading, dating, query letters, researching agents/publishers, writing, more errands to run and so on. I was never certain where the wheel would stop, I needed an indication of what I should be working on in order to keep progressing successfully. I just felt compelled to always "spin the wheel" because I was afraid of losing momentum. I just kept on going and did a bit of everything; unfocused and unsure, my aspirations were beginning to get blurry.

I became hesitant of what goals I had to accomplish and what aspects of my life I was supposed to be focusing on. I remember trying to write a blog post but kept trailing off topic because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I felt like an actor playing many roles at once; I became disordered and almost went on stage wearing the wrong costume.

Life was unclear because I was motivated by the fear of losing success, rather than the reasons for pursuing it. I firmly believe that fear is a response to the lack of control, and that’s exactly how I felt. That loss of control caused me to crash. It caused a lot of anxiety as one deadline loomed after another, and if I’m being completely honest, the thought of giving all this up crossed my mind.


Taking my own advice

When you find yourself stuck in a theme of uncertainty and insecurity, you find yourself in an identity crisis. You’re lost between two worlds, between you recurrent reality and the life of your aspirations. Comfort ZoneYou end up swaying between motivation and procrastination. You’re either sitting around procrastinating, waiting for motivation to come along, or your motivated to work just so you can feel better about procrastinating. Your mind faces an aggressive wrecking ball of doubt, as it breaks down the confident spirit you were once plugged into.

…I started to read through my own blog posts and it was like I was talking to myself. Evidently I was reading my own journal. My aspirations were communicating to me right there on the screen, but my conscious thoughts were not relating. For the very first time I started to question my own advice to the point of disbelief.

It was a very threatening thought process but it was that exact eye opener I needed. I’ve been blogging for some time now and these lessons that I had already learned and shared, lessons that led me to my current accomplishments in life, needed to be retested. The answer was right there in front of my own eyes.

I needed to prove myself, to myself. There was no way I could continue guiding others if I was struggling to guide myself. It was time to take my own advice and rebuild my spirit back to the level I had maintained for so long.

I turned to my aspirations and reminded myself of where I was aiming to be in the next few years. Almost instantly, I noticed how taking the time out to evaluate and reflect allowed me to focus on where I was going wrong.

I was entering a new chapter in my life and I had forgotten what it took to get me here. I needed to remind myself of my identity. I needed to reaffirm my aspirations and listen to that little voice inside my head. I needed to re-align my responsibilities with my dream. The list kept on building as I read through my blog, I realized how many cues I missed out on.

With the intention to uphold the lessons I had shared through this blog, I constructed a plan that resonated with this new chapter I started. As I plan to move to Los Angeles, CA in the next four years, everything I was trying to complete contributed towards this next major goal in my life.

So I flew out to L.A. and connected to my goal emotionally to face what I had almost turned away from.

Alone

I went alone to escape any zones of comfort I had nestled into. I rebooted my identity as I was forced to speak to people about myself and my aspirations. I connected to my environment and completed the goals I had set myself. I networked, I motivated people, and I helped a couple out in their relationship. Then others started to approach me for guidance and motivation. I knew there and then that I was on the right path, because I felt fulfilled doing it, I naturally felt like myself as I was in my element.

I worked and I had fun too, I even did things I felt I never had time for. Not only had I rebuilt my spirit, I raised it. I returned home having accomplished several goals that I had struggled to focus on and complete. More importantly, I returned home having strengthened my identity, with a rediscovered sense of self-assurance.


The Formula

Identity and DreamRemember success is a series of different levels, when you reach one level it doesn’t grant you access to the next. You need to re-establish yourself and familiarize yourself with the new platform from which you’re working from. Once you become aware, you will discover what you need to do to make it to that higher tier and avoid giving up. You declutter your mind and refocus your energy.

The best thing is that the formula for this is quite simple because your identity and your aspirations are forever interconnected, they can help each other out.

If you ever find yourself at a loss of identity, remind yourself of your aspirations and allow yourself to psychically connect with a small piece of it. Whether like me you book a short trip to somewhere you aspire to be, or something totally random. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s doable and that it connects directly to your aspirations.

On the other hand, if it’s your aspirations you’re struggling to remember, do something that makes you feel like yourself and connect with your identity. There’s nothing better to remind yourself of what you want from life, than to immerse yourself within your own identity.

Good luck on your ventures and never let fear lead you astray.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to Benefit From a Conscious Escape

Negative ControlI’ve been meditating a lot recently and as I’m still learning how to settle my mind and maintain stillness, I’ve began to notice a subtle sensation of detachment from my everyday life.

I began to feel as if I was entering a new era of awareness and I was waiting for my reality to catch up. I felt as if my life and my mind were out of sync.

At first I thought I was detaching from myself and my identity, I felt I was consciously stepping off my own path and moving towards a realm confusion and doubt. Everything appeared the same but the engagement felt very different. I’d be writing, listening to music, or having a conversation but I’d feel mindfully disconnected.

I’m not saying I experienced some sort of out-of-body experience, it was much more subtle than that. Also, when it comes to meditation I’m still very much a rookie. However the time I’ve invested in focusing on my own mind and concentrating on myself, has allowed me to become more aware of the strings that hold me back.

My feelings of detachment were not from my passions or my identity, I found myself detaching from my doubts and my uncertainties. The sensation of unfamiliarity and unease was my adjusting to an experience free from any puppet strings that controlled my life.

I felt unleashed. My identity felt affirmed; I felt free to explore so that I could grow and expand my work, build better relationships and discover new opportunities.

The conversations seemed different because I was being more open, the music had a different sound because I related better and my writing seemed clearer because I was being more honest. The actions I performed were the same, the schedule was too, but the mindset behind it was different.

The sensation of detachment came over me because my body was on autopilot, and my mind continued on to evaluate and understand what I had just learned. I was waiting to resync.

Evaluation

Sometimes when you select a vice to evaluate your life you can experience this detachment. As you look inwardly with an objective lens, with the intention to re-align yourself with what you set out to accomplish, what you realize can be unsettling.

As your mind begins to open up and your identity begins to free itself, you can end up experiencing this sensation of detachment. An “aha” moment that requires you to take a step back and comprehend what you have just learned.

To learn how much doubt and fear you held onto, how much energy and time you wasted and how much negativity you nurtured for a cause of no significance, can be difficult to grasp. You often spend a lifetime learning to live with low self-esteem and emotional torment, therefore when you realize these things were holding you back, unlearning it all takes some getting used to. You consciously step away from yourself as you figure out how to introduce this autonomy into your life.

I liken it to that yearning for travel, you fantasize about it and you expect to connect to new places right away. In truth, the first time you step into a new environment you almost feel as if it isn’t real. You have to take a minute to adjust and take it all in. It takes a while before you can let yourself be completely present again.

Any detachment you experience in life is an opportunity to evaluate and reflect. Consider these moments as an indicator to avoid complacency or even procrastination. Use these moments to trigger a motivation and evoke your spirit to take action.

I’m learning to meditate as a vice to prompt this practice, however these moments are always hiding in pockets of experience everywhere. When you’re running and lose yourself in the activity, when you listen to live music and experience an emotional shift, or even when you’re with loved ones immersed in bliss. Use these moments of conscious escape and understand the negativity that controls you.

Prepare for the ultimate break from negative captivity; listen to your mind as it detaches itself from your reality to learn from your spirit.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to Discover Your Passions: Build the Bridge between 2 Lessons

Bridge

As I’m paving my own path, living by my own identity and letting knowledge and understanding guide my thoughts. I can feel myself inching closer to the heart of my own virtue.

There are two very significant lessons that connected me to my passions; to my very purpose of being…

…I was about 18 years old, tired of negative influence and feeling like I didn’t belong. I was broken by betrayal and my trust in others diminished. I remember filling out my university application and remember writing exactly what I was expected to write. Just so someone could grant me access into an academic institution of no real value to me or my life. My only frame of mind was escape, so long as I didn’t have to face the reality of my intentions, I played by the rules.

So there I was, naïve, free and finally without the burden of responsibility nor tradition. I met 3 very different individuals, ambitious, influenced and as fresh-faced as I.  Individuals who taught me that being me was all that was necessary. Teaching me the true value of my own life and that I shouldn’t give a f*** about anything else other than the present and being present.

Although, I still found it very difficult to be present towards graduation. It was at the end of this experience and returning home, when I realized the importance of the two lessons. Lessons that guided my successes, moved me around the world and gave me the confidence to dream and to pursue that dream.

Lesson #1 – Identity

  • To embrace and nurture all aspects of my identity.
  • Stay true to who I am and let truth guide my aspirations.
  • To let that truth shine, so that others could connect. So that I could connect.
  • An identity of my own so that my mind and my life remained in my own control.

 Lesson #2 – Awareness

  • To be present in the moment and to be very aware of it.
  • Experience what’s happening now so that I could navigate my future.
  • Being aware of others, aware of my actions and aware of my environment.
  • So that I could protect myself from negativity and any threat to my identity.
  • Aware of myself; my identity, so that I could work on my weaknesses and build upon my strengths.
  • To be present in the moment of opportunity.

These two lessons taught me more about myself and the world I live in, than any manuscript, guru or drug ever could.

However these two lessons do not work well unless they’re connected. You can’t truly be aware unless you understand and know yourself. On the other hand you cannot fully develop your identity unless you become more aware and present.

The bridge that connects them, is emotion.

Emotion is by far, the most significant tool you have, when it comes to building a life you’re fulfilled by. It sounds so simple, but because emotions are so complex and varied, many of us fail to notice how simple life can actually be, if we pay attention to what we’re feeling.

Ever notice how a child experiences life? Free, uninhibited and curious. They’re present in the moment and full of character. Notice how the very thing that motivates and stimulates a child's eagerness to learn and engage, is emotion. A child can love easily and has an abundance of love too, allowing them to connect to others and for others to easily connect.

When I returned home, I quickly noticed how much I ignored my emotions to pursue a life of false fulfillment. The more I allowed myself to feel, the more I became aware and the more my identity rose to the surface. It was emotion that allowed me to embrace the above lessons, that guided me to the success and fulfillment I have in my life today.

So learn to listen and experience your emotions. Build that bridge so you too can discover, and confidently live by your identity. To help you become more aware, so that you know what it is you need to do to find fulfillment.

As you begin to live life by these two lessons, build the bridge that connects them. You'll begin to discover your passions; discover your own virtue, thus enabling you to pave a path of your very own.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Move towards Success: Overcome Holiday Loneliness

Holiday Blues

This time of the year can be a time where pursuing your passions slow down and you wrap yourself up in the comfort of the season. Loneliness tends to creep in as you’re surrounded by reminders of a life not yet attained.

The money you may not have yet, the partner you’re still searching for or perhaps the home that you’re still longing for…The missions you have yet to complete can cause you to feel separated from the rest of society.

Your mind finally gets to break from the pace of everyday life and it is in this season you become more self-aware. In this awareness, you can become overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness and disconnect. Shifting awareness over to what you have yet to accomplish.

Having discovered my passions; an avenue towards fulfillment, feelings of loneliness became far and fewer. I always thought that to overcome loneliness I had to venture onto a path connecting myself to other individuals; longing for companionship and family.

A couple of years ago, before I truly began investing into my own life, I would do just that. I’d get into relationships, typically thinking it would cure the loneliness fatigue. I even tried consistently surrounding myself with loved ones. Family and friends were never too far and yet, I was still buried under the fear of being alone.

I discovered that these feelings had little to do with a connection to other people; I had lost any sort of connection to myself. I was completely lost in my own life, it wasn’t defined and I lacked identity because I had allowed society to define my journey and my successes. I would feel alone during this time of year because the ideologies I was exposed to weren’t representing what I truly wanted. I guess you could say it’s this time of year where you feel more than ever, the force of going against the grain of society.

You often start a new year feeling empowered to make significant changes in your own lives then slowly fade into hypocrisy as the year comes to a close. You allow your thoughts to be influenced by the movement of the masses.

I think this time of year, as the pace of life slows down, it’s more important than ever to focus on your own identity and make the most out of the opportunity this time presents. Loneliness can be overcome if you maintain a pro-active mindset. Focus on your aspirations, remember what you want from life and trigger your motivation to act. Pull yourself back into the comfort of your identity and do not let the weight of the unattained knock you down.

Reconnect with yourself and re-align yourself with your dream. Remember the end of a year does not represent the end of your journey.

PicMonkey Collage.

How Lifelong Success Works

Life is a series of peaks. It’s a fool’s assumption to believe that success moves in a linear direction; believing that once success is met life moves smoother. It’s never that straight forward and I’d never want to suggest otherwise.

When you hit one of life’s peaks, it would be a wise choice to prepare your mind for the next level of progression. It’s like a paradox, as you rise higher you might have to fall a little bit first.

It’s like getting a promotion you’re now qualified for, but feeling as if you’re in over your head. Going from feeling like an expert to feeling like a novice. Embarking on new opportunities in life can feel like you’re learning everything new again.

It’s difficult to escape feelings of loss and uncertainty, especially when stepping away from a place of comfort and esteem.  New challenges in life can stimulate a yearning to retreat into a life of familiarity. Where safety was assured because you had already conquered many other significant challenges.

When you reach certain peaks in life, it’s like an automatic door of opportunity open up, and as you walk through, you can really feel the door closing behind you. You find yourself in a new world with new challenges, and it is here you must reassert yourself.

You may become overwhelmed as you stumble through and adjust to these new challenges, perhaps you’ll decrease in confidence and fear sets in. Doubt will most likely circulate your mind as you’re welcomed into this unfamiliar world, to which you’ve earned your place in.

Remind yourself of your aspirations and the things you desire from life.

Whether or not you have the opportunity to go back the way you came, you will never progress towards fulfillment if you’re constantly yearning to go back. No one climbs a mountain by looking down. Just as you nurtured your last opportunity into a great accomplishment, you can do and must do so again.

Your success anchors off of your will and determination to discover and pursue your life’s purpose. Where you may envision your peak now may not be the only level you reach, because with each new height comes a new found awareness; you’ll be able to see your passion and success progressing into further potential and opportunity.

When you enter into new territories that life has prepared for you, you must continue your pursuit. Don’t hold yourself back because you feel a little anxious; feeling like you may have fallen from your peak. You must rise to the challenge and reach that higher height. Your life, just like the world you live in, is full of new discoveries waiting to be explored.

Success may not be a linear direction but, you can always ensure it continues to climb.

Maintaining Flow: 10 Ways to Become Fully Immersed In a Feeling of Energized Focus

Staying dedicated to your passion can be an everyday challenge. Between fighting off the temptation to procrastinate and giving up all together, it isn't easy to maintain momentum and prolong productive activity, when life is so distracting.

Being in the "zone” is a term used when focus doesn't require a technique and you’re naturally plugged into your own genius. Where you can enjoy work for several hours straight, unaware of time and space. However when life jolts you back into play, trying to return to a zone of fluid productivity is an unbearable frustration.

So here’s ten tips to help you plug back into your brilliance.

  1. Set Your Passion as a Priority

When I mean priority, I mean place it way up there with eating, drinking and sleeping. However, rather than simply telling yourself you need to work towards your aspirations, liken it to how you feel without your basic needs. Such as the impact of hunger and sleep deprivation on your body and your emotions.

Liken your passion as a means to survive, if you’re not working towards fulfillment and self-actualization then you’re on a long, painful road to your demise.

  1. Develop a Fear of  Not Fulfilling Your Potential

I’m all about conquering fears, however there’s one fear everyone should develop and embrace – a fear of not fulfilling your potential. Dying without purpose, wasting your life not having tried and wasting time on things that simply do not matter.

Remind yourself of this fear when you wake up in the morning. Beat procrastination and use this fear as power against those seven deadly sins.

  1. Remind Yourself of Everything That Makes You Miserable…

….then smile and give it the finger!

Your time is way too precious for negative infiltrations, so that list of misery you’re working on reducing, empower the fact that you’re working towards eliminating it. Remind yourself; while others complain, you’re making a conscious decision, and effort, to do something about the misery in your life!

  1. Measure Your Successes and Celebrate Them

First of all shatter your illusions of success if they’re only linked to monetary wealth and shiny, fancy new things.

How much have you learned? How has the quality of your work improved? How much have you personally developed? These are measurable levels of success just as much as the traditional pay-off.

Remember you can only welcome and enjoy your definitive success if you have nurtured the genius behind it. Encourage yourself to progress by measuring how far you have already come, there may still be a long road ahead, but your closer to the destination than you ever were before. 

  1. Find New Sources of Encouragement

Listen. Learn. Support.

Although encouragement from your nearest and dearest is precious, the novelty tends will wear off. Seek to grow your support network by wearing your passions on your sleeve, define your life by your aspirations and encourage others to do the same and notice how you’re attracted to like-minded people, like bees are to honey! 

  1. Stay True To Yourself

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Not only are you an individual with a dream, you’re an identity full of potential and you're a “bad-ass mother who don’t take no crap off of nobody!” Let others worry about following trends and fulfilling statistics, stay true to who you are and what you want from life.

You are your only asset – protect it.

  1. Help Others

Fulfilled success and helping others are closely related: they make you share your identity with others and it demonstrations what true fulfillment feels like.

Do yourself a favour and help others. Helping others also humbles you, it keeps you from getting carried away with your desires and helps you maintain your own purpose and focus in life.

  1. Reward Yourself and Make Time to Unwind and Relax

After a marathon of work, don’t retire exhausted, reward yourself. Be it a cheeky Netflix binge or spending good times with good people, whatever you choose.

Reiterate the message of fulfillment; life is an abundance of joy so long as you maintain a healthy balance. Rewarding yourself after work is much more fulfilling than indulging for the hell of it.

  1. Schedule; Don’t Idly Live By Routine

I don’t believe in following routines, they bore me. I make schedules.

So long as you meet the deadlines you need to make, mix up your schedule and help your mind remain active, so that life doesn't become dull.

Humans are good at adapting, tap into this trait by mixing up your week. Revive your energy week by week and move tasks and responsibilities around. Change is good, change stimulates the mind and change is experience.

  1. Work With/Near Others Just As Hungry for Fulfillment as Yourself

It’s amazing how people can connect to one another, although your journeys may differ significantly, the thirst for life can measure up the same. It encourages you to work towards your own aspirations if those around you are doing the same.

 

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Escape your Comfort Zone

Comfort Zone

Over the last few (many) years I’ve gone from an uncomfortable person with low self-esteem to a confident being with self-belief. This had a lot to do with escaping my comfort zone and pushing the boundaries of my identity.

For the longest time I thought that “the comfort zone” was a safe place. A place where I can be myself and find peace within the life I’m living. The more I accepted this notion, the more I felt trapped by it and I realized that it’s a place that keeps us all from opportunities waiting to be captured.

You nestle into feelings of safety and familiarity so much, that you become afraid to step outside of it to explore the possibilities of your potential. It sort of reeks of agoraphobia and you enclose yourselves within your own prison.

I love it when people experience liberation, as they tell me about overcoming challenges and how they broke down the walls of comfort to achieve something they considered awkward and agonizing. They feel the excitement and thrill of a new experience that came from overcoming a fear of doubt - they develop a power of self-belief. Many think it’s a transformation of identity when really it’s your identity just breaking free.

The problem is perception, you often look at your comfort zone as a place you can return to. “I stepped out of my comfort Zone” something you’ve all said at some point I’m sure, but what if today you redefine it? As a place to break free from or rather a zone that you can expand until you no longer see limitation.

To build confidence or to even experience it, as is the case for a lot of people, you need to first learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Until this routine becomes normal and you learn to share your aspirations and “putting myself out there” is just a way of life, until you demand attention from the world, rather than shy away from it.

I believe it’s more foolish to not have tried than to fear looking foolish, although at times it feels embarrassing or silly but who cares? Seriously, who really cares? “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but our self can free our minds” Bob Marley had a point.

You are your own betrayer, you’ll relive memories of ridicule and then criticize yourself harshly based on the perception of others to silence the sound of possibility and live with frustrating echoes of “what if.”

There’s never any satisfaction of not knowing, it closes your mind and keeps you from reaching your full potential.  You may believe that straying away from what you’re used to is a dangerous mission, but one thing I’ve learned is vulnerability feeds confidence.

So long as you’re exposed there’s nothing to hide from, either people will pay attention and support you or forget about you in time. The moment they forget is the moment you evaluate and become aware of your complacency and reignite your brand and escape from comfort.

If stepping away from your comfort zone is difficult, remind yourself that the world will move on with or without you. You have the choice right now, to decide if what you want is worth putting yourself out there for or choose to become numb to your aspirations and stop yourself from becoming the best that you can be.

Rather than turn your back on fear, turn around and face it. Children are taught to stand up to bullies - a lesson that somehow gets lost in translation, perhaps with age, because the “real world” is the biggest bully I know. Eleanor Roosevelt had a point too “do one thing every day that scares you” and with each day you’ll build up your identity to withstand anything.

Remember the comfort zone is only just a tiny part of your identity you’re ok with. The moment you put yourself out there, you’re not giving the first f*** about what the world thinks, it’s with that attitude you learn about yourself and become more at peace with all parts of who you are.

You’re an individual [insert your name here], be one.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

 

Dealing with Loss

LossDealing with loss is not easy, although its impact is measured by its significance to your life and your identity.

Whatever the circumstance it’s lonely and trying to reconnect with your identity and trying to move forward with your life is a challenge you never anticipate.When you lose a piece of your life that signifies a large part of your identity, repairing the damage requires you to regain control.

Loss presents itself with many challenges and I think the first thing you lose is control over your emotions. For anyone that has suffered any kind of loss can agree, that the arrangement of different emotions overwhelms your ability to process.

Sadness can get burdened by anger, anger can possibly lead to guilt, guilt gets enhanced by thoughts of hope and happiness, then reality kicks back in and you’re back to feeling sad again. The cycle continues on and on as you raise more questions to gain understanding and/or try to move on.

The effect from mixed emotions can cloud your identity. For those that haven’t suffered loss, relate by remembering how it feels when embarking on something new. When you start something new you’re excited and scared at the same time, you’re confident yet hopeful and can feel stressed yet still feel very ready. This constant cycling through emotions cause doubt and confusion. The series of emotions are different but the way they impact your identity are the same – they slow you from progression.

If you’re anything like me, avoidance is your go to. To avoid facing each and every emotion you end up focusing on routine, like burying yourself into work perhaps, or starting random projects that don’t make sense at this particular point in time.

At the other end of the spectrum you have a self-pitying and self-loathing reaction to loss.

Whichever way you choose to deal, the answer isn’t avoidance. You need to line up your emotions and deal with each feeling properly. Reduce its impact by allowing yourself to feel and build up a tolerance, so the next time it comes around you can cope better.

Between all the support and sympathy try and source support from someone strong willed enough to tell you to regain control, to tell you that you can rebuild your life again. It comes across brutish in society but when you’re going through cycles of emotions you need this awakening to break from it.

Preparation

One thing you should determine is whether you were prepared for the loss or not, sounds a bit silly in a lot of situations but you’ll find understanding this really helps with reasoning your emotions. There’s an odd source of strength that comes from knowing this.

If you were prepared you can put yourself back together much more quickly. Take losing your job for example, you can prepare for the potential of also losing your home. As horrible as it sounds you can almost process the loss before the loss even occurs and put processes in place to help you through it. It alleviates some of the stress however can cause anxiety as you wait for it to happen.

However, when life catches you off guard and side swipes you with loss, you’re having to prepare after the loss occurs. It’s like literally getting stabbed in the back, you don’t see it coming and you don’t know the attacker but you’re left to deal with it after it’s occurred. When loss is unforeseen it is much more difficult to recover, but knowing this gives you the freedom to feel each raw emotion in its entirety. It causes much more stress but lessens anxiety.

Either way, distinguishing your level of preparation, will help you move towards reaching that point of evaluation and reflection. It sounds simple but it’s something you never really consider when faced with loss…it allows you to look at your loss somewhat objectively, allowing your mind to think outside the cycle of emotion.

Evaluate and Reflect

Evaluate your current circumstance, at this very moment evaluate your responsibilities and really pick apart your life to understand your significance within it. Turn to areas of your life that require you to be yourself again, if you don’t get back on track with life what else will suffer? You need this reminder, you need this reasoning to break the cycle.

Reflect on your past and the life you have built, look to the choices you've had to make to build it. You’re currently faced with choices even though you may not see them yet. These choices can repair or further break down your identity, taking more parts of your life away with it. For example, choices that result in you lying in bed all day or getting up to seize the day.

You may never be the same person after suffering a huge loss but you can rebuild your identity to a point of restoration. Like constructing new walls that restore old ruins - it may not be the same but it can defiantly be brought back from frailty, to be relished once again.

Remember, it is OK to think about yourself – you need to. To regain control you need to move forward step by step and you must start with reclaiming your identity. Each and every day you work to feel like yourself again is a day contributed to moving forward and filling in the missing parts of your life.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How a Premonition Awoke Me to My Present

Premonition

Life is constructed on expectation and emotion, after all it’s what motivates us to act on our goals. So is the reliance/notion of premonition so ludicrous? After all, we do often turn to the prospects of our future to pull ourselves out of despair.

Recently I was caught off-guard by a wave of insecurity and uncertainty, it washed over me suddenly and I felt like I was drowning in a sea of desolation. I couldn't avoid it, but I pulled myself out of it. To save myself from drowning I triggered some sort of 'premonition' to counteract my present uncertainty. What I saw allowed me to navigate my way back to shore, back to my identity. I knew that if I continued to float around surrounded by these emotions, I would drift further away from myself and my aspirations– I needed a reminder of who I was (the past) to rediscover what I wanted (the future).

Now I’m not talking about a supernatural power gifted by Gods. I’m referring to an ability that's contained within all of us, a way we can construct an image of our future to save ourselves from the negative emotions that we suffer from today. We all have the opportunity to foresee our future, but we must first delve into the past.

Now imagine that I’m literally floating in a cold ocean of despair, the longer I bask in uncertainty the further I drift away from who I am and what I want from life. The longer I stay still the less I feel. I become more and more numb to the identity I worked so hard to build. I needed a reminder of who I am, quickly.

Our minds have the power to relive any emotion just by delving into our past. I can literally think of anything from my past and relive the emotions associated with a memory. For others there’s a trigger, a song perhaps, a picture or a smell even, we all have it.

These emotions dictate our future; we construct our future by wanting to feel more of, or in some cases less of  what we have felt and experienced in our past. This is how we trigger a “premonition” - we get in touch with our emotions. If we have the ability to feel and relive the past, then we should be able to feel and get a glimpse of our future.

The more you feel from your past the more you understand about your future. I remembered achievements, I remembered positive comments and words of encouragement, I remembered great times in my life that I wanted more of.

The more I remembered the more I re-constructed my future. I used these emotions to re-build the vision of a future I wanted - so clear that it felt like a premonition. Action was almost instantaneous as I awoke to my present, I knew there and then what I needed to do to make that future a certainty.

Turning to certain emotions in our past can highlight our aspirations, and it was by generating this premonition that alerted me to my current actions. One thing we must understand is that we cannot control the past nor the future, we can only manage them by taking control over our present.

Having re-envisioned what I wanted for my future, I was then faced with a choice in my present: to either sink or swim. I could either continue to remain still and sink into the sea of desolation, or swim my way back to my identity and manage the future I envisioned - no waiting around for rescue, no waiting for the current to change, just me and my own spirit with my future in sight.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How the Other Half Live: Scaling Honesty

The Honesty Scale  

Your mind is the most powerful tool you have, within it are the very ideas that will guide you to your dream.

For most, those ideas are often hidden or contained within barriers of emotion and perceived threats. Threats and emotions you use as a defense against who you really are and what you really want from life. So you protect your ideas from the world in order to fit in, into a life longing for more, until you become another person to let a dream die.

For a brief moment, look into the world with an objective lens, referring to the diagram above, you’ll notice that you can place people on a scale. On one side you have those passing time - going through the motions of life, restricting their ideas and resulting in a loss or lack of true identity.

On the other side, you have people who live freely, making time for the life they really want to live. Exploring their ideas and building their lives towards their dream. Living life by the true nature of their identity in pursuit of their own goals.

It’s pretty obvious where most of us would like to be placed, but to determine your position on this scale you should ask yourself "how honest are you?"

Decision Time

Honesty Scale

Honesty is a very important component when shaping a life your happy with. For me it was being able to tell the world that I want to make a difference and actually help people. Sounds easy enough, but very difficult if you grew up exposed to an environment and philosophy no less - that linked a good life and success to self-gratification.

The more honest you are to yourself and to others around you, the closer you are towards the happier side of the scale. We’re all individuals capable of greatness but unfortunately the messages we consume or are exposed to can crumble our ability to be honest.

You'll reach that center point, that pivotal ‘decision time’ at several stages in your life. To either be honest about what you want and embark on a journey among the other half making time to live. Or cave under the pressure of fear and change, burying your honesty to follow the path back to passing time - making room for short term fulfillment like the purchase of a new phone and following latest trends.

You avoid thinking for yourself because it’s easier to let influences distract you from what you really want or rather, what you truly do not have. Remember you can never run away from the truth but honesty will eventually catch up with you in the form of frustration and stress. Due to the lack of lasting fulfillment your lead back to that central point.

Your ideas and your mind crave to be free, they’ll fight for freedom and rise to the surface again and again. You have opportunities to make lasting changes in your life but ultimately it’s whether you’re willing to admit the truth in order to move closer towards 'making time'.

Considered Different

I reckon we’re all born at the right side of the scale but as we grow up we’re influenced to live life by ‘passing time’. Therefore when we decide to break free from that, we’re considered different, but you must learn to share your truths in order to succeed.

I also thought about how boys are afraid to express emotion and vulnerability because of a misguided view on what it takes to be a man. Then on the other hand, girls afraid to share ambition and courage because of the mixed messages they’re exposed to that define women. We teach children to bury their honesty without even realizing it, to grow up on a "trivial pursuit of happiness."

When I tell people I’m writing a book and that I want to coach others closer to the best that they can be, people think that it’s “amazing” and that it’s “different” when in actuality, it’s a lot easier than it was writing my university dissertation and much easier than going to a job i'm not fulfilled by. I've set my mind free, allowed myself to be honest about what I want from life and it led me to this path towards fulfillment. I'm naturally encouraged to think for myself now and challenge ideology.

The longer you live to pass time the more helpless you’re going to feel when it comes to making that decision, because the transition from chasing work/trends to chasing your dream comes with incredible challenges. However the more truthful you are to yourself, you'll empower yourself to follow through with your goals and with each goal accomplished, the easier it'll become to aim for what you truly want.

Eventually fear and doubt will cease to exist and you’ll obtain a set ofSuper Powers’ to help you along. Just like any major change in life, it just takes some time getting used to.

Just remember, being honest exposes your identity, your identity defines your dream and the energy of your dream gives you the motivation, courage and determination to pursue it. It just all depends on how honest you are willing to be.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to Develop Superpowers

Superpower

Your identity is the force that will guide you to the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Something changed in my life when I ventured out on my own, I was forced to live life based on the very traits of my own identity and as a result, I learned much more about myself and what I want from life. I gained more control over my life and I developed a new set of powers that I never knew existed.

The more I learned about myself, the more I became confident with just being myself. For instance, I learned that I could draw strength from struggle, I found that I could lift my spirits without intoxication and I realised that I can pretty much accomplish anything I wanted in life so long as I truly desired it.

The more my identity grew stronger the clearer my dreams became and with it, the more powers I accumulated:

The Power to Control Time:

When you begin to live life by the very identity that defines your true aspirations, you can develop the power to control time. It gives you the courage to walk away from circumstances that add zero value to your life, giving you the time to invest in your own pursuits. You become very aware of time and how you spend it, and no longer are you a slave to time as you will learn to master it.

The Power to Read People:

The day you start becoming more confident and more yourself, you’ll begin to notice differences in certain people around you. Your ability to understand others grows stronger and you’ll perceive certain people differently. You’ll notice those that are in your support network and those who are merely present for personal gratification. The more confident you become the less concerned you are with being accepted by others, therefore enabling the ability to read people for their true intentions.

The Power to Change Circumstances:

Knowing your identity allows you to really become aware of your emotions, you understand the very things that make you tick, to everything that excites you. You can use this knowledge to affect the outcome of any situation by controlling how you handle it. Furthermore, by turning negatives into positives, you're building the ability to keep your mind focused in the direction of where you’re headed.

The Power to Travel in Time:

You gain the power to see into the future because you become very aware of the path you’re on. Knowing yourself allows you to answer questions about your future, thus allowing you to identify what it is you need to do to make that future a certainty.

No longer will you be blurred by the struggles or controlled by the expectations that affected how you lived your life. You'll have the power to change how you view the past; you can reflect on your life and use situations that you deemed disadvantageous and learn from them. You begin to use your past as a source of strength rather than a trigger for weakness.

The Power to Source other Powers:

Living by your own identity allows you to learn about your own strengths and weaknesses. Therefore giving you the power to source out other individuals who you can learn from, who possess the strengths you desire. Powerful people attract a network of powerful people; it’s like this secret society where money, success and social status are just words.

True power comes from identity and individuality, you become open to learning about different beliefs and purposes. You learn from others to help reach your own destination.

As you begin to break down the walls that surround your identity, you’ll begin to develop these new powers. The more you stay true to yourself and what you want from life you’ll nurture each power into superpowers, and you’ll begin to drift into this new plane of consciousness where bulls*** will no longer exist.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

5 Reminders to Get You through a Tough Week!

Stress We've all had to face challenging weeks; high stress, never-ending tasks and a little drama along the way…here’s 5 reminders to help you get you through it all.

  1. Get Your Priorities In Order

Understand your priorities, take a look at the week ahead and plan your time accordingly. Ensure that time is managed well and remember not to neglect anything. You’ll feel pressured by a tough week even more if you cannot make time for the important things in your life.

Get your work and life balanced, as one will always affect the other. Avoid a tough week from becoming a stressful month, and don’t be left with a wasted year because you “never had the time.”

  1. Plan Something To Look Forward To

If you haven’t done so already, do it now. If there’s no fulfilling reward and the end of this journey then you’ll feel even worse and more beaten up. Always work and live towards something that feels rewarding; particularly something that makes you feel accomplished and proud. Make all that hard work payoff!

  1. Engage In Daily Activities That Makes You Smile

For the love of beer have fun! If your finding there’s less smiles and laughter this week, you’re heading in the wrong direction. Make an effort to do something that makes you feel good after a tough day. The world has enough stressed and irritated people in it, so don’t become another one. You can face anything so long as you dedicate sufficient time in your day to distress by engaging in activities that make you feel good!

 4. Remove Yourself From Negativity

If you’re hanging with people who complain a lot then remove yourself from this escalation of negative energy. Hang with positive people who remind you of your identity, who give you the boost you require to get through challenges. Connect to those who motivate and encourage you; people who give you that confidence boost to see anything through!

  1. Turn Your Game Face On

You’re a force to be reckoned with, there are many challenges you have faced and have overcome, remember them! Take control and shrink the size of any challenge by growing the size of your spirit. Trigger your motivation by reminding yourself of what you are capable of. Remember you can’t be intimidated by the size of a challenge if your mind is focused, clear and open!

Happy hump day and welcome to September!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs069dndIYk

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Cheers to That Little Voice Inside My Head

unknown-913570_1920 Ever had that little voice inside your head whisper the truth about the things you really want, but have the perception of risk and expectation silence it? That voice that wants you to explore opportunities and encourage you to take action, is the voice that may just guide you to the life you really want. Perhaps it doesn't make sense on paper nor to everyone around, but that little voice could very well be your potential talking.

I remember back when life never felt exciting, I would spend more times talking about the things I would change rather than changing them. I often found something to complain about and I'd let a lot of things irritate me.

I would literally have to schedule time to enjoy my life, for instance holidays and moments with friends and family. I remember thinking to myself, "happiness can’t be limited to small increments of time." I felt like I was failing at life.

Initially I thought money was the answer so I worked harder and made more money. That didn’t work; I was still unfulfilled, I just had nicer things around me. I tried getting into a relationship, but I think companionship back then made it worse, because it placed me onto someone else’s idea of fulfillment because I hadn’t figured out my own. Each attempt at finding happiness and fulfillment through expectation and ideology, that little whisper  in my head became more frequent. The more I ignored it the more depressed I got, the more I listened to it the more fear I held on to.

That persistent nag kept insisting that there is something better for me to pursue, that there is something genuine out there for me to connect to. Small everyday frustrations would lead to huge outbursts of anger, quiet moments of contemplation would lead to distraction and procrastination. It became evident that I could no longer ignore that little voice inside my head, the one telling me the truth, because I was no longer feeling nor acting like myself. I was not happy with the life I had built.

When I first quit my "secure job" to move abroad everyone thought I was crazy and at some point even I thought I had lost my mind. I can’t even tell you how much I doubted myself when I had actually made the commitment to change my life. To make a better life for myself and face the truth I was battling was difficult, because overtime I learned to ignore it. When you get good at a indulging a certain behavior, undoing what you've learned is a vulnerable process. I’ve since learned to trust my own instincts and have become more confident as a result, because today I'm more open and honest about what I want.

Whatever risk, whatever doubt I had in my mind, listening to that little voice brought to light the stuff I was really unhappy with. Listening to what I really wanted from life has brought me more success and has made my life easy to live. Life feels full and I actually enjoy waking up in the morning, I’ve even been led to a career I'm passionate about, something I thought I’d never discover.

Every challenge I came across taught me more about myself than I have ever knew before, because I was forced to rely on truth. When I gave everything else up that's all I had left. I built confidence and self-belief from the ground up I feel and I know why it's a journey people must take alone. When you liken it to running a race, it's the runner that has to jump over the hurdle, no one else.

I’m not suggesting that you need to make drastic choices, but allow yourself to be curious and discover possibilities. Don’t let your spirit give up just because you think there is no hope for something better. Try listening to that little whisper more often and you might be surprised by how much of your life your missing out on.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Moving from One Goal to the Next: Relinquishing Doubt

Goals

There’s a lot of material out there that talks about setting goals and aiming high, even my blog carries this re-occurring theme. This time, I wanted to write to those that are on the verge of hitting a goal, as I am on the verge of accomplishing one of mine.

Like many goal oriented people, we become solely focused on accomplishing the task at hand and just like the time that seems to escape us, our emotions do too.

I’m close to finishing my very first book. I’m becoming to get a little nervous now, because all my spare time was dedicated to writing; my focus was set on getting it finished, that very little thought went into what would happen when I did. Now I’m near the end, I find myself processing all those emotions and thoughts that got buried under my work.

I’m thinking about all those times I said no to going out with friends in order to complete another chapter and all those times I was up late writing and struggled to stroll into work the next day. The outcome of my efforts need to make those compromises worth it, it’s quite intimidating!

These feelings began to overwhelm me and I felt like I would regress to self-doubt.

The decisions I had made, the commitment and dedication I gave to this project were pulled back into debate. I turned down job opportunities, I literally had people waiting for me to submit resumes and I never did. All of these decisions are hitting me now because I chose stick by my aspirations over taking a safer route.

So I did what I always do when I get these feelings of anxiety, I looked back at all my previous accomplishments. Moments in my life when I was at my lowest and moments of greatness. As I reflected I realized these feelings had occurred before; when I quit my job to move abroad, my very first day at university, the time I explored new cities on my own and even the day I started this very blog. I've had a lifetime of experiences to remind me that these feelings are completely normal and I remember why.

I reiterate, fear is a reaction to the lack of control and nobody can control how life is going to work out, but everyone can control what they do with it. I don’t know where my book is going to take me, but I learned that every experience has always led me somewhere and I grew stronger from every experience. The value is: I learned more about myself, the things I am capable of and what I can accomplish if I stay focused and true to my aspirations.

Over the past six years I went from being lost with low self-esteem to self-actualized and confident and I did this by taking full control of every step I made. The day I decided to follow my own passions I was freed from the burden of any expectation and pressure to “settle.” The message is: I have this one life to live right now and I’m not going to waste it by not trying.

Furthermore, this is where surrounding yourself with the right people and always discussing openly about your aspirations pay off.

I tend to become a recluse when I write, but when I am socializing, who I am and what I’m working towards becomes evident right after the question “so what do you do?” Recently I connected with some people who I hadn't spoken to since earlier this year and the majority of them asked me how my book was doing. It was in that moment, a flood of positive energy seized any doubt that I was feeling, because someone held up a mirror and showed me that I can put my mind to anything and accomplish it.

Whichever direction the book goes, I know for certain that I have the ability to write one. The things I’ve learned, the process and what I’ve been through probably mean more to me right now than the final outcome. I’ve learned that no matter what the outcome is, I have the ability to start something and follow it through to the end, teaching me that I can start absolutely anything I want and so can you!

Even though I started off not knowing how to do it, I got it done! So take it from me, be whoever you want to be, tell the world about it and embark on your journey, dedicate your life to your aspirations and free yourself. Doubt may creep up from time to time but on that day you’re forced to look back on your life, I promise you nothing will fill you up with more pride and fulfillment than your accomplished goals.

Whatever the outcome, I’ve already set the next goal to get my book published, so I will make it happen one way or another. This goal that I’m about to complete will highlight the things I need to do to achieve the next and with each goal accomplished, I’m that much closer to my dream.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

 

No Longer Concerned with Keeping my Aspirations at Bay.

Free Spending time with friends I haven’t seen in years, meeting new people and reigniting old relationships for short bursts of time, I’m wondering how the next few weeks of being at home will handle my identity.

Being around the place I grew up, people here were only used to seeing a lesser confident, more doubtful version of myself.

If you've been following my blog, you`ll understand how getting to know yourself and connecting with your true identity is at the core of lasting success. It helps you to set and accomplish any goal confidently and enables you to discover your passions.

Over the last few years I have accomplished a lot, I live life with self-belief and I know exactly what it is I want from it. Moving away from home and becoming confident to express my ideas among my current friends was one thing, but now my identity will get tested as I face my old life self-actualized.

This time that I’m spending in the UK has definitely opened my eyes to how much energy and effort we all waste trying to mold ourselves into the shape of somebody else’s expectations, when really no one gives a f***.

For those struggling with and suppressing what it is they want from life, need to spend that wasted energy and effort on letting it out. Those who have, return to your world and test it, what comes of it may surprise you, remember that you've unlocked the door to your true potential and just by being yourself you're no longer holding yourself back.

So today my past sees me for who I am and when asked "what are you up to nowadays?" the answer is clear, confident and concise. I know where I’m headed, they now know where I’m headed and I’m no longer concerned with keeping my aspirations at bay.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Learn to Align Responsibilities with your Dream

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uznTHSEgx4U[/embed]

Appreciate what you have and use what you are grateful for as ammunition, for productive activity towards your goals.

Ever since I’ve started my own path in life, I've learned to take time out to be with the people I need to be with, to remind myself why I do what I do. I've also learned to take breaks and travel to places that remind me of where I soon want to be. I've learned to reflect on time, to understand what challenges I have overcome which strengthen my will to continue on with my pursuits.

There’s this misconception people have when it comes to chasing dreams. It's suggested that you have to put your everyday life aside and develop some sort of tunnel vision of where your headed, blurring everything else in your path.

A belief that there are a lot of sacrifices we have to make, to make things happen. I now know that this is not entirely true, because the life you wish to pursue must echo within the life you live today. It is possible to turn moments that feel restrictive, into a major part of your journey. I have my responsibilities as do we all, and I learned to align these responsibilities with my work and make them worthwhile.

How?

Well for example, if you have a full-time job that pays the bills, use it to your advantage. Speak and engage in conversation with people/new people at work and take advantage of this learning opportunity. An opportunity to showcase and test your skill and talent, not just skills required for the job, rather the ones you have that motivate and inspire others by simply being you; a skill you’re going to need if you want success.

If you have children, break the everyday routine. I suggested to a friend that when it comes to waking up his family in the morning, he should inject high energy into the home. I suggested fun music in order to start everyone’s day motivated and full of excitement, turn a moment into a memory with purpose.

You can still pursue your dreams and make the life you’re currently living feel worthwhile. Take these moments that feel like a break from progression into a purpose for progression.

Your life today is full moments that positively impact your goals, it’s time you started making the most of them before you miss the opportunity to do so.

Inspiration for this post: Janet Jackson - Got til it's gone

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach