sex

5 Reasons as To Why People Cheat

Unhappy couple

With temptation around every corner and access to “alternative experiences”, as one client put it, just a swipe away, it’s high time we started paying attention to the compulsion of sexual desire, and how much rule sex has over our lives.

We’re all sexual beings and there’s just no denying it, in fact, psychology even suggests that sex is a basic human need. Even spirituality recognizes the importance of sexual fulfillment and what it contributes to life/life’s experience.

Since relationship coaching, the notion that how we perceive each other is entirely related to how we perceive ourselves, has been reinforced with each and every client I coach. Our self-perception is the single most crucial component, for happy and healthy relationships. From this perspective, I have developed my understanding as to why people cheat:

1. Sexual Satisfaction.

Vancouver sex

Positive sexual experiences help people develop a positive relationship with both their mind and body, therefore sexual satisfaction is quite important to both mental and physical well-being. Clients who have significantly improved their experiences in the bedroom, have often expressed how much more affirmed and healthier they feel.

The longer people go on sexually unfulfilled, they may start adopting and developing other behaviors and mindsets, to compensate for their lack of fulfillment. Such as: overeating/overindulgence, self-loathing/self-harm, alcohol/drug abuse, emotional outbursts/irrational thoughts and of course, dissociation and cheating.

Obviously, it’s not the only reason for changes in mindset and behavior, but where relationships are concerned, the lack of sexual satisfaction is a top contender as to why people cheat. And you’ll notice how all the points following this one, echo this same message.

2. Sexual Oppression

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We are pleasure seeking and curious creatures, therefore, caging desire feels unnatural and frustrating. Which is why for some, over-time, marriage can feel like a trap and cheating can be viewed in a way to liberate oneself from such oppression.

Once upon a time, for women predominately, marriage was the only opportunity to explore and experience sex without being judged or rejected from society. Also, there are generations of men who, likely because of religious and societal obligations, had to commit to unfulfilling relationships.

Thankfully, the world is consciously evolving and our attitudes towards sex are becoming more liberal and rightfully so, sex is arguably more natural than a relationship!

3. Sexual Suppression

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Imagine being homosexual and committed to a partner of the opposite sex, even here in liberal Vancouver this is a common occurrence. To this day there are cultures, traditions, religions and even countries that reject any sexual identity other than heterosexuality. In some countries, homosexuality is still punishable by death!

Think about all those individuals who are committed to partners they’re not sexually attracted to, because the world taught them that who they are attracted to is unnatural. Therefore, to avoid watching the lives they’ve built up crumble around them, it probably makes much more sense to seek sexual fulfillment elsewhere.

Today people have access to an abundant array of narratives to help them define and accept who they are. Though there is much progress to be made, successful civil and equal rights movements across the globe are encouraging us all to accept and be proud of who we are and of each other.

4. Sex and Self-Worth

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Cheating can also be viewed as a mode of survival. Though in this case, your own body probably won’t turn against you, it is you who will likely turn against your own body because of a damaging self-perception.

It’s not so obvious, but many people do cheat to restore their self-worth. Also in addition to, and as an extension of #3, people who feel neglected by their partners. Feeling insignificant in a relationship and feeling like they’re not enough for someone, these are also motivating factors as to why people may stray away. It’s probably the most common reason I’ve come across in my line of work.

5. Sex and Influence

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Lastly, let’s not overlook the impact of influence. We live in highly sexualized societies, whereby, sexual desire is often stimulated in advertising to sell products.  Sex is everywhere, and people learn to associate sex with success, sex with confidence and sex with self-actualization, all of which can encourage the motivation to cheat.

Furthermore, peer pressure and influence from others can encourage people to cheat.

Also, let’s not forget addictions and the effects of some illicit drugs as form of influence as to why people may cheat.

As you can see, the reasons to cheat aren’t always so black and white and if you’re concerned about cheating, it’d be wise to start engaging in open and safe communication. If you move the conversation away from sustaining a relationship, and focus it on restoring a sense of self, you may just avoid “cheating” all together.

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Sex and Its Impact On Success

This I grew up in a culture surrounded by sexual repression. A subject too taboo to discuss openly in an environment where dating wasn't even a topic of consideration.  Which I found bizarre considering my ancestors nurtured a land of spiritual liberation and sexual expression and exploration, India.

Sex is an act we should discuss more openly and practice more freely, because confidence in the bedroom can help strengthen our vulnerabilities and affirm our identities.  It can help us reach an esteemed level of self-assurance, and can uplift our intimate relationships to a level of complete acceptance and assurance. And if we're feeling secure and confident within ourselves, we're more likely to succeed in many other aspects of our lives.

To maintain happy and healthy lives, we must always monitor and maintain balance. If you're an individual that strives for meaningful sexual experiences, sex or rather bad sex, can be an indication of imbalance. Basically if you're not enjoying your sexual experiences and you're left feeling unfulfilled, it could be a sign that there's a problem in some other area of your life.

It is often said that our minds are the most powerful sexual organs we possess, therefore to understand sex and its impact on success, we must first connect to the moments that lead us to meaningful sexual experiences. Therefore we cannot talk about sex without establishing the roles of attraction and love first:

  1. Attraction = the recognition of a compatible energy, as your identity seeks Balance.

Shed the shallow ideologies presented in the media, and you'll find that attraction is a very personal pursuit. What we find attractive is as individual as our own identities. Who we find attractive isn't just based on just looks, everyone knows that personality plays a large role.

The more open and honest you are about what you find attractive, the securer you'll feel approaching who you find attractive, ultimately feeling secure within your own self. You'll significantly improve your chances of finding a sexual partner that you're compatible with, increasing your chances of finding someone that will help you strive for and maintain balance within your life. You'll learn very quickly, that knowing what you want will help you achieve exactly the success you desire, much faster.

  1. Love = the recognition of acceptance, as two compatible identities become Balanced.

As you become accustomed to knowing what you're attracted to, you significantly increase your chances of finding love. Love is to be completely accepting and to feel accepted. Two identities forming a connection unbound by convention, but bound by acceptance. Love will significantly improve your self-assurance, because being loved is knowing that who you are is valuable. That small four lettered emotion positively impacts your identity and your personal pursuits, because you've found your ultimate supporter and your biggest fan. That encouragement will guide you to success, by navigating you through the challenges that will most likely arise.

  1. Sex = the recognition of truth, as two identities performing the Balancing Act.

Good sex, the best sex, is when both/all parties involved can be completely vulnerable, open and honest with each other. Attraction can take you so far but sex will uncover a lot of truths. I think back to random one-night encounters, often they lack fulfillment, because it's difficult to be completely vulnerable, honest and open with someone you've just met. Also the initial attraction may have been a deception, because the sex never measured up against the identity you perceived.

Sex uncovers a lot of truths about an individual, and when both parties do measure up to that initial attraction, sex becomes this awe-inspiring, self-assuring experience you expect it to be, and you begin to trust your own judgment and instinct. You begin to unleash your inner genius and tap into your potential, the very fibers of fulfilling success.

Encourage yourself to become more open and confident around the topic of sex, sexuality and what you find sexy, and begin your journey into liberation. The impact of living a liberated life, will feed the energy of unlimited success.

VanCity

5 Things Every Relationship Should Have

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8inJtTG_DuU I often get asked why I post about relationships on this blog; it's because relationships are a huge part of an individual's success. People can hold each other back and people can propel  each other  forward. If I can provide my input to help others achieve the latter, then I believe this post fits right in.

Take what you will from the following list, but my entire relationship history has taught me to look out for the following 5 components.

1. Vulnerability. You need to be 100% yourself and honest around each other, be vulnerable enough to bare each other's soul and share each other's spirit. Being vulnerable is also being honest, which makes room for trust and to be easily read and to be easily understood. It keeps the relationship raw.

2. Identity. There's nothing worse than getting into a relationship when you haven't figured out who you are yet. Make it a mission to stay individual and embrace each other's individuality. Strong identities in a relationship make it apparent when the other is not around. Make it easy to miss each other.

3. Support. Be each other's biggest fan and support each other's dreams. Ignite each other's passions and beliefs and make it a passion of yours to watch the other become whole. Understand that you both began your own journey and rather than getting in the way of someone's path, offer the support to help finish it.

4. Encouragement. Encourage each other  to become the best version of yourselves, rather than a version of a person that isn't true.  To offer the encouragement to live life to the fullest and actually want to push each other to succeed towards individual goals and help each other overcome any crumb of doubt.

5. Challenge. Challenge each other, nothing turns loyal lovers to promiscuity more than the lack of a challenge. Challenge is at number five for a reason, if 1 to 4 are satisfied then challenging each other becomes second nature. It'll encourage you to always keep the relationship fresh, to consistently remind, to prove and to embrace the reason the two of you stuck together.

If you review the list you'll notice it's actually really simple.

VanCity

Music: The Paper Kites - Bloom

Why Confident Men, Turn Women On.

Lads, we’ve been trying to figure this one out for ages but when it comes down to it, it really is all about confidence. First of all let’s not mistake confidence for cockiness. I think most women are put off if you’re acting like a douche. I guess confidence is assurance to women? Even women, who won’t admit it, expect to feel safe and secure around their blokes. I don’t mean by brawn and looks, although that’s what some women do look for, but apparently there is so much more. To feel safe and secure could mean the ability to provide, to be a good father, to be faithful, to be honest, to be loyal, to be spiritual, to be successful...what feeling safe and secure means to a woman is definitely individual to her. So when a woman see’s a level of confidence in a man, I guess she becomes open to seeing what he has to offer and is curious as to why. If what you have is what she’s looking for, then for lack of a better term, you’re in!

Do not be afraid to take charge of your own confidence and don't allow other people to determine your confidence for you. If your mate is acting one way to get the girl it doesn't mean you have to work the same program, despite what some girls think, we know we’re not all the same and neither are they, so don’t be anyone else. You might have that fear of rejection and to be rejected is like kryptonite to your level of confidence, it’s not that uncommon.

However, if you feel you can step up and be the man that she’s looking for then you need to prove it. Have you ever looked at a woman and thought that you could be everything she ever wanted? That’s what I’m talking about; if you’re thinking that confidently, you’re going to have to act that way too. I know for some it’s easier said than done but it bears thinking about. Also, believe it or not women are even looking at how you handle rejection it’s a tell-tale sign of the type of person you are.

You know when you see that chubby 280 lbs guy with that babe on his arm and you think to yourself “how did he get her?” So, when you actually listen to women, it’s almost never about physical looks. Yes, a level of physical attraction is important, but if you can offer her what she wants, then you’re the sexiest person around. Rumor has it that the more confident we are the better we look, who knew?

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach