relationship coach

5 Reasons as To Why People Cheat

Unhappy couple

With temptation around every corner and access to “alternative experiences”, as one client put it, just a swipe away, it’s high time we started paying attention to the compulsion of sexual desire, and how much rule sex has over our lives.

We’re all sexual beings and there’s just no denying it, in fact, psychology even suggests that sex is a basic human need. Even spirituality recognizes the importance of sexual fulfillment and what it contributes to life/life’s experience.

Since relationship coaching, the notion that how we perceive each other is entirely related to how we perceive ourselves, has been reinforced with each and every client I coach. Our self-perception is the single most crucial component, for happy and healthy relationships. From this perspective, I have developed my understanding as to why people cheat:

1. Sexual Satisfaction.

Vancouver sex

Positive sexual experiences help people develop a positive relationship with both their mind and body, therefore sexual satisfaction is quite important to both mental and physical well-being. Clients who have significantly improved their experiences in the bedroom, have often expressed how much more affirmed and healthier they feel.

The longer people go on sexually unfulfilled, they may start adopting and developing other behaviors and mindsets, to compensate for their lack of fulfillment. Such as: overeating/overindulgence, self-loathing/self-harm, alcohol/drug abuse, emotional outbursts/irrational thoughts and of course, dissociation and cheating.

Obviously, it’s not the only reason for changes in mindset and behavior, but where relationships are concerned, the lack of sexual satisfaction is a top contender as to why people cheat. And you’ll notice how all the points following this one, echo this same message.

2. Sexual Oppression

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We are pleasure seeking and curious creatures, therefore, caging desire feels unnatural and frustrating. Which is why for some, over-time, marriage can feel like a trap and cheating can be viewed in a way to liberate oneself from such oppression.

Once upon a time, for women predominately, marriage was the only opportunity to explore and experience sex without being judged or rejected from society. Also, there are generations of men who, likely because of religious and societal obligations, had to commit to unfulfilling relationships.

Thankfully, the world is consciously evolving and our attitudes towards sex are becoming more liberal and rightfully so, sex is arguably more natural than a relationship!

3. Sexual Suppression

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Imagine being homosexual and committed to a partner of the opposite sex, even here in liberal Vancouver this is a common occurrence. To this day there are cultures, traditions, religions and even countries that reject any sexual identity other than heterosexuality. In some countries, homosexuality is still punishable by death!

Think about all those individuals who are committed to partners they’re not sexually attracted to, because the world taught them that who they are attracted to is unnatural. Therefore, to avoid watching the lives they’ve built up crumble around them, it probably makes much more sense to seek sexual fulfillment elsewhere.

Today people have access to an abundant array of narratives to help them define and accept who they are. Though there is much progress to be made, successful civil and equal rights movements across the globe are encouraging us all to accept and be proud of who we are and of each other.

4. Sex and Self-Worth

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Cheating can also be viewed as a mode of survival. Though in this case, your own body probably won’t turn against you, it is you who will likely turn against your own body because of a damaging self-perception.

It’s not so obvious, but many people do cheat to restore their self-worth. Also in addition to, and as an extension of #3, people who feel neglected by their partners. Feeling insignificant in a relationship and feeling like they’re not enough for someone, these are also motivating factors as to why people may stray away. It’s probably the most common reason I’ve come across in my line of work.

5. Sex and Influence

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Lastly, let’s not overlook the impact of influence. We live in highly sexualized societies, whereby, sexual desire is often stimulated in advertising to sell products.  Sex is everywhere, and people learn to associate sex with success, sex with confidence and sex with self-actualization, all of which can encourage the motivation to cheat.

Furthermore, peer pressure and influence from others can encourage people to cheat.

Also, let’s not forget addictions and the effects of some illicit drugs as form of influence as to why people may cheat.

As you can see, the reasons to cheat aren’t always so black and white and if you’re concerned about cheating, it’d be wise to start engaging in open and safe communication. If you move the conversation away from sustaining a relationship, and focus it on restoring a sense of self, you may just avoid “cheating” all together.

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The Key to Maintaining Health and Happiness

Post by, VanCityLifeCoach.com

Awareness

Sometimes we find ourselves in a state of lasting bliss when all aspects of our lives, have reached a level of fulfillment we’re satisfied with. Although we may not be exactly where we want to be in life, health and happiness will seem to flow easily and we’ll begin feeling assertive and aligned with our aspirations.

When we arrive at these blissful moments in life, we’re prone to complacency and avoidance because moving forward may involve risk, which could disrupt this new equilibrium. Therefore it’s crucial to develop a healthy awareness of self, others and the world around us, in order to continue our pursuits to that dream life we’ve always envisioned.

Awareness is an extension of mindfulness and it teaches us to pay attention to how we impact our own lives. Whether or not we’ve reached a stage of fulfillment, our choices have dictated this destiny that’s currently being played out. Awareness helps us upkeep involvement and control over life; paying attention could be the difference in feeling like life is falling apart, and feeling like life's falling into place.

Awareness begins with honesty. The first step is to focus on emotion, because it’s the emotions we feel that highlight the truth. When we hurt ourselves physically, we’re often very quick to notice the imbalance and work to resolve the pain as effectively as possible. However, how many of us can honestly say we do the same with our own state of mind.

As a relationship and life coach, I come across many broken souls living life irritated and insecure as a result of avoidance and complacency. On the other hand, I have clients that feel great within themselves but struggle to pursue new opportunities, in fear of losing something deemed safe and secure. The next stage of awareness, after uncovering present emotion, is to look back on the journey up until this point in time.

Many of us may not realize it, but our pasts hold many of the answers we seek to find about ourselves and our lives. How did I end up here? Why do I put up with this? How can I move forward? Why am I…? However poignant the question, the answer could be lurking within a previous moment in time. Investigating the past will help develop an awareness of motivation, uncover the triggers to motivation and we’ll learn how to avoid or promote certain behaviours.

If you’re looking to maintain health and happiness in your life, or if you’re looking to secure it, assess your current level of awareness and you may just realise where your life is headed. Today choose to take control, choose to eliminate fear and choose to overcome the insecurity you live with; Pay attention to how you contribute to your own misery and bliss, and you’ll become aware that you own your life.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Reform Your Relationship with Opportunity

post by, VanCityLifeCoach.com

Overcoming problems

Happy New Year, folks! 2016 is officially here and before you run out and sign up for those gym memberships, before you start your detox and worry about the debt you’ve accumulated over the holidays, let’s talk about you for a moment.

The world is moving toward a new paradigm and the traditional way of living and earning seems to be changing. You may have noticed how little control you have over your own life, as you cling to the conventional methods of living. Perhaps the 9-5 model simply isn’t getting you where you want to be in life.

You may also find yourself molding and adapting to incompatible identities just to avoid being alone, while life seems to just pass by without purpose. The routine is getting old; Perhaps you find yourself lacking energy and living for those rare moments of happiness and joy as you exist within the bounds of procrastination and complacency.

Though this isn't the case for everyone, maybe you've noticed such tendencies in family or friends, or feel that the instances above resonate within your own life. 

There’s a new energy that arrives each time you ring in a new year and it encourages you to seek opportunity. We make resolutions and promises within our lives just as easily as we upgrade our already perfectly functioning cell phones, only to realize that the fulfillment gained from these impulsive decisions was merely temporary.

To kick-start your life and navigate it into lasting fulfillment, you must first deal with the biggest problems that rule your life. You need to resolve the very problems that germinate the recurring, negative thoughts weighing heavy on your mind. It’s time to lift up that proverbial rug and clean out the problems brushed under it. If you're seeking purpose and value this year, then you must work on developing the courage to attain them; unresolved problems break down the courage you need to develop. Your problems restrict the energy required to propel your life towards a reason of being.

Your immediate goals this year should be focused on overcoming the troubles you're facing in life. This year, if you’re feeling numb and lacking satisfaction, you may want to reflect on your behavior in previous years, because clearly something isn’t working if you're feeling deflated and unmotivated.

The longer you hold onto or avoid a difficult situation, the easier it becomes to talk yourself out of an opportunity; your problems will keep you from moving forward. Liken it to being in school, where each problem you solve in a subject- take math for instance- leads to a feeling of genuine confidence and encouragement, inspiring you to move ahead.

The opportunities you seek in life are available to you. Granted, some of us have to work harder than others to secure them, and I agree that the world isn’t exactly perfect and equal. However, working on and overcoming your troubles will make room for the encouragement and determination you need to succeed. The self-esteem you need to build and the tenacity you require can only develop when they have room to grow. Hold onto or avoid your problems for another year, and you’re only contributing to a life you simply aren’t happy with.

So if you’re stuck in a relationship that brings you more misery than joy, repair it or end it. If you’re in a job you hate, don’t work towards the promotion, work your way out of the job. If you’re feeling lost and alone, then work on developing the courage to admit it and seek support, rather than suppressing your feelings in an attempt to appear fine. If you’re dealing with an insecurity, or insecurities that lead into negative behavior, then work to uncover the root cause of it, in order to stop them from ruling your life any longer.

Want 2016 and the rest of your life to mean something, then reform your relationship with opportunity. Make room in your life to seek and secure opportunities confidently by dealing with your immediate problems first. Deal with the troubles that restrict your identity and limit your potential, and fix the problems that keep you from moving closer towards your aspirations.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Why Personal Advice from Friends and Family Is Often Biased

post by, VanCityLifeCoach.com

Advice

As a Relationship and Life Coach, guiding others is a job I find incredibly fulfilling and I’m always eager to support my clients. I coach passionately and as a result, what I do has sewn itself into my identity and has become a part of who I am. As this becomes more evident, I’ve noticed more people within my personal network are coming to me for advice, albeit their intention or not.

It’s difficult for me to ‘switch off’ from what I call “Coaching Mode”. I’m often like a child who has discovered something new about themselves and I’m eager to share it with everyone I run into. Therefore it can get difficult leaving “The Coach” behind, when connecting/reconnecting with people within my personal network.

Think about the number of times friends and family have come to you seeking your advice or opinion. Now, for instance, think about the number of times you’ve had to lie or bend the truth in order to protect their feelings.

Before stumbling onto this path, I never had an issue with saying and doing the appropriate thing in order to protect the people I care for from getting hurt. However, what I’ve learnt about myself and other people through my work and professional experiences, the appropriate thing to say and do, isn’t necessarily the right thing to say and do. It’s a fine line that I’ve become weary of in recent years, as I continue to connect with people in my personal network both past and present.

As a coach, I’m hired to give my honest and professional opinion. I’ve been hired for a specific reason and to achieve results, complete, and sometimes brutal honesty is required at all times. As a neutral party, my only concern is the well-being of my client and his/her actual responsibilities. However, in my personal network, whereby I’m emotionally tethered, maintaining neutrality is very difficult. In some circumstances where I’m asked for advice, support, guidance or even just an opinion, I find myself facing the following dilemmas:

Do I, a. Compromise my work and what I know and do well, just to keep those nearby happy and content? Or, b. Advise with complete integrity and run the risk of stirring up conflict within my personal network?

I’ve learnt that the answer to either question often depends on how I’m regarded among those close to me. For instance, to my parents, as their youngest child, I’m still very much the “baby” in their eyes. Fortunately my clients don’t see me that way, otherwise I’d make a terrible coach, however this entire adjustment has made me aware of two prominent biases that arise when advising friends and family. Biases we should all be aware of when seeking or giving advice.

Bias #1: Personal Gain.

Most of us probably won’t admit it, but we run the risk of advising friends and family based on personal gain. Or, to avoid the perception of personal gain and potential blame and conflict, we also run the risk of sharing biased advice.

It’s often difficult to offer an unbiased perspective when we’re personally involved. For example, think about the people in your life today and how convenient it would be for you, if they changed certain aspects of their lives? Changes although convenient for you, could result it disastrous consequences for them.

Personal gain is something to be very aware of with advice you offer or receive, as there are a number of ‘sub-biases’ that can lead to erroneous advice. Biases such as: personal insecurity, strength of relationship, trust and access to multiple connections within the same personal network, are to name a few.

Bias #2: Nondisclosure.

Full disclosure is important when seeking or offering advice. It’s important for the advisor to develop a complete awareness of the problem or dilemma and it’s the responsibility of those being advised, to make the advisor fully aware. Therefore, complete honesty and openness is required in order to understand and to be fully understood.

If you feel restricted or reluctant in any way, then already you’re adding layers of bias to advice. For example, think about asking your parents about relationship advice, but leaving out all the intimate details of your desires, because it feels too inappropriate or awkward to discuss. Again many of the ‘sub-biases’ that arise with personal gain are also relevant here too, especially when sharing advice among an established peer group.

In conclusion, to avoid, or at least limit bias when exchanging advice with friends and family, both parties must learn how to emotionally detach in order to establish mutual understanding. However, keep in mind that you also run the risk of jeopardising the personal connection too, because once something is shared, it cannot be taken back, and you have to rely on and preserve trust in order to maintain the relationship.

Therefore in summary, establish authentic trust before seeking or giving advice and be aware of these prominent biases.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Relationship Advice

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Don’t lose sight of self.

Don’t lose sight of her/him.

If you get lost, work to navigate yourself back to the moment and realisation, to which you felt safe enough and secure enough, to be vulnerable and open with the person you gave your all to.

The world is full of many people who don’t understand you, who simply won’t get your identity and everything you’re about. Are you ready and willing to let go of that one person, a person among billions, who actually saw you and accepts you for who you are?

On the other hand. Relationships, don’t jump in so naively.

Just because the media, society and every other member of influence tells you you’re supposed to, remember:

Only Like If You Have Truly Been Seen,

Only Explore If You Are Madly Interested,

And Only Love When You Are Deeply Accepted.

Otherwise there just isn’t any reason to Do.

Cheesy-90's-love-song reference aside, learn to be yourself and completely open and honest about who you are and let others learn what you’re about. Otherwise, you’re simply leading your relationships into misery. Give yourself the opportunity to find love blissfully, completely and honestly. Anything less or alike is a mere an imitation or illusion.

Love, genuine love for even merely a moment, is worth much more than a lifetime of hypotheticals and regret. Take it from someone who has lived and lost this infatuation and works with the people entangled by this phenomena for a living:

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

What We All Want.

VanCity Today, I led a discussion and met with people living very different lives, about life and relationships. Although there were so many differences, we stripped back experiences until we hit raw, genuine, emotion. Some cried, some got angry, but we all laughed, and as we explored everyone's identities, we discovered what we all truly wanted from our lives, from others and within ourselves.

Since, coaching and connecting with people from all around the world, it's never been more evident that we all strive for the same thing. To just live our lives, as ourselves without compromises.

I'll admit, people's perception about what I do got to me. Even I began to think this whole coaching gig was going to be about helping people set a few of goals and motivate them to achieve it. However, today I was reminded of why I got into this in the first place and I can't even put into words, how it feels to see someone leave a session, with more confidence and excitement about their own lives moving forward.

Over the last few weeks, a mother understood the influence she has on her child, a son understood the pedestal he was placed upon and someone who had lost their identity to their career, learned that they had much more to offer than what was expected in exchange for a paycheck. Someone dealing with loss faced their guilt and finally felt ready to accept what they could not change. Another was awoken to the negative influences impacting his life...

After achieving what I had today and over the last few weeks, I’m more than happy and confident to end this note with:

Kind regards,

Terry Sidhu – Relationship and Life Coach.

How to Master Your Own Mind: 5 Ways to Maintain Control

post by, VanCityLifeCoach.com

Mind

Over the last few weeks I took a break from writing and I spent time with family whom had visited me from England. I wanted to be present during each moment as they were only here for a short while. I didn't want to escape a moment to experience gratitude. Life is about balance and prior to them arriving, I had spent most of my time working towards my own passions and building my career; I had severely separated from a crucial part of my identity and neglected the very support that kept me grounded. My family visiting me was an opportunity to reconnect.

The last time I had spent this much time away from my writing, was when I suffered a severe case of doubt and fed the belief that I wasn't really good enough. The difference this time, I was in full control of my own mind, I mindfully stepped away from work because I knew what I needed to. When you become so passionate about something and push through the negative infiltrations, fear transitions from not feeling good enough, to the fear of losing what you’ve built. Spending the last few years developing my own mindset and pulling myself out of unprogressive thoughts, has taught me that I can’t live life motivated by fear. I can harness it to trigger motivation, but I cannot allow my life to be driven by it. Today I proclaim to live life awake, aware and in abundance; I’m learning to master my own mind.

#1.  Objectify your Thoughts

A habit I’ve been getting into, is evaluating and reflecting negative and destructive thought. Whenever my thoughts turn sour, whether it’s about myself or negatively towards others, I dance around it with thoughts of understanding. I’m not simply replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, as far as I’m concerned, there’s a long line separating the two. What I choose to educate myself with to interpret thought, is what keeps my mind balanced and still.

When a thought enters my mind that causes me personal conflict, I acknowledge it. I make myself fully aware that I’m experiencing some sort of disconnect with my own identity and it’s time to evaluate and reflect. I personally externalize the thought, put it on a piece of paper and begin to understand how I came to such a negative assumption. When you decode these thoughts, you begin to weaken their impact, almost like repeating a word over and over again, until it no longer sounds like a word.

We often give certain thoughts more power than others, usually the negative ones get the most attention; like how a baby gains more attention by kicking and screaming. By making yourself aware of thoughts, you begin to question them, you’ll circle around different thoughts with questions; theories and ideas, until you stumble on the truth. And you’ll know when you've reached this "aha" moment, because you’ll feel very much empowered.

#2. Conceptualize Perception

Nothing feels more real than entering a flow state. When working on something you're passionate about, the world around you seems to flutter away as you engage your inner genius, as your heart, mind and body is working in full synchronicity. If you regularly engage a flow state, you’ll become increasingly aware of how blurry perception can be. This is my 123rd blog post, I’m 7 chapters into writing my first book and I have invested countless hours a day talking about what I’m passionate about. Each time I come out of a state of flow, the world around me seems that much more distorted.

I’ve learnt to conceptualize perception, for one, I don’t waste time on what people think. It’s impossible for me to know what thoughts are motivating other people’s perception of the world, without spending time to get to know and understand them first. When you’re negatively impacted by others, you’re often focused on one recurring, internal thought. You’re boomeranging your own thoughts as you convince yourself that everyone shares it.

Don’t be naïve, focus more on doing the things that engage your passions and fill your life with bliss. If at every moment you’re engaging in an activity or thought that doesn’t fulfill you, you blur your perception of reality even more. Life becomes complicated and you’ll find yourself scrambling to understand why you don’t fit in.

#3. Experience Detachment

For the longest time I’ve been trying to understand the term detachment, that I failed to practise it. It’s not letting anything have rule over your life that'll steer you away from truth. In my opinion, detachment is more of an experience rather than a practise, it allows you to experience liberation like never before. Imagine; complete and utter freedom and no rule from thought, desire, emotion, people and even your own possessions.

I always say detachment feels the same as taking your clothes off in public, you have nothing left to hide as you strip away everything you’ve ever held onto, that kept you from exposing the most vulnerable part of who you are; your truest form. Detachment finally allows you to exist, uninterrupted nor influenced. Detachment guides you to peace of mind.

To start experiencing this today, begin to understand your relationship with everything you give meaning to, starting with your material possessions is the easiest way to begin. Evaluate your desire for these things, ask yourself why? Question the very purpose of how things define your life, not your lifestyle. The more rule you have over your life, the more rule you have over your mind. The more you latch onto things, people, desires, and thoughts and so on, you weaken your mind because you deter from what’s truly meaningful.

#4. Awaken your Imagination

Ever had a crazy thought, idea or put together an insane, out of this world theory and shrugged it off as silliness because you’d think people would think you’re insane, paranoid or just stupid? Yeah me too, but there is so much fun to be had if you just let your imagination roar. Regularly exercise your mind by freeing it from the shackles of reality, I always note down my "insanity" and store it in a folder called "Chaos".

Your imagination is vital to unlocking your potential, eventually one of your ideas, or crumbs from several ideas will guide you to self-actualization. If you let your mind regularly do its thing, you’ll eventually stumble across something you’ll feel confident expressing.

Why compartmentalize your imagination to fit in with the current trends and ideologies when, the advances we have in the world today came from the individuals often once thought to be insane. The world isn’t flat, the earth revolves around the sun and society is finally coming to terms with the fact that, we may not be the only ones living in this universe.

Imagination leads to discovery.

#5 Open your Mind

Last but not least, be curious, because when your mind opens up, you give fear the opportunity to escape. Connect with engaging stimulus; read more books, listen to more people and accept more fact. Try new things daily and test old practises rigorously. If you want to advance your mind, you need to stimulate it with something new. Expand zones of comfort and never be afraid to understand something by asking questions.

I grew up around warped cultural traditions that caused prejudice and inequality, the moment I moved away from it, was the day I began to discover my identity and my place in the world. And never hold anyone else back either, especially if you haven’t gained the experience or exposure to conceive any genuine opinion. This is your life remember, it’s up to you to discover what it’ll be about.

VanCity

Understanding Detachment and the Meaning behind This ‘Spiritual’ Philosophy

Post by VanCityLifeCoach.com

“Attachment is the root of suffering.” - The Buddha

Detachment

I’ve been reading a lot about detachment, or non-attachment if you rather and like most, I've always believed the philosophy of detachment simply meant not letting material possessions have rule over your life. Which I guess is true, but teachings suggest that detachment roots much deeper than that. That one must detach oneself from people, emotions, thoughts and desires…basically, all the things we latch onto that give our lives meaning and purpose are none and void, if we wish to experience true freedom; liberation.

I was beginning to feel a little bewildered by the concept because it conflicted with a lot of my own ideas and beliefs. For one, I thoroughly enjoy connecting with people, so does this also mean that love keeps us from ever reaching this experience too?

After raising more questions and failing to firmly grasp the concept, I continued on with my day. It was only when I began my daily meditation that the concept re-entered my mind. As I sat there, cross-legged and awkwardly ready to achieve stillness and serenity, I was overcome by answers.

Detachment doesn’t necessarily mean living life a recluse and closing off connections and interactions to the world around us. Nor does it mean finding a spiritual place to live out the rest of our days trying to reach a higher level on consciousness. I began recognizing detachment as building a more mindful relationship with life, and how that journey towards mindfulness begins from within.

I always talk about identity and living life by the true values of who you are, by doing so you guide your life in a more fulfilled direction. I still believe this and it aligns with everything I’ve learned recently too.

Detachment is not about creating distance, I feel it’s more about understanding the true significance of life so that we better connect to it. For instance what do my possessions mean to me? Well if you think about it, they don’t actually mean anything. As a living organism; as a force of life, my possessions really have no value.

So feeling like I learned something amazing, I shared this conclusion with a friend of mine and he said “well what if you were on a life support machine, you’d need that wouldn't you?” Ah...that got me thinking and the thought kept me up for a couple of nights as my mind was once again riddled.

A few days had passed and I was writing a letter to a client of mine. I was fully engaged in a state of flow and out of nowhere I found the response to my friend’s question: ‘Well why am I, or would I, be afraid to die?’ That one realization blew my understanding of attachment wide open, particularly how attachment causes us to fear/avoid one of life’s uncomplicated and inevitable outcomes. At that moment I felt completely present. I finally understood the significance of detachment and how it fits in with life’s most basic principles, right up there with death and breathing.

I started to look at my life much more closely, everything from brushing my teeth in the morning through to picking up my nephew for a cuddle after work. What does it all mean to life, not my life, just life in general? My nephew has only existed for several months and now I feel I can’t live without him…how and why does this impact my life so much? How and why does this rule my life? Each answer only raised these same questions.

The more I broke down my life and especially as I delved into my past, I noticed how little control and influence I had over it. I clearly wasn’t grasping what life meant at all. I was living life attached and as a result, I was indeed suffering: from my lack of confidence (controlled by what other people thought of me), to the fear of paving my own path (expectations from and responsibilities to those around me)...it all made complete sense.

I’m thinking that maybe we could all use a little less attachment in our lives, to step away and embrace actual life. Maybe I’ve got it completely lost in translation or just maybe, I’ve stumbled upon the beginning of something more definitive for myself.

I am also realizing that detachment has just as much, if not more to do with the physical realm than it does with the spiritual. I think detachment isn’t this glorious concept that I’ve always thought it to be, I think the true beauty and power behind this philosophy lies within its simplicity.

Either way, this recent experience has at the very least, taught me to keep my mind and my eyes wide open; to be more mindful and aware, and that outcome alone is priceless.

VanCity

Are Your Motivations Man-made?

Thinker

Have you ever wondered how much of your life is man-made? Ever considered how much of your life is driven by man-made philosophies that guide your choices, mould your identity and overrun your emotions and natural desires?

Take the institution of marriage for example, it’s not necessarily an innate desire, we’re taught to long for this lawful union. Religion too, people submit lives, generations even, towards words written by man. Our careers maybe, are they driven by our thirst for power and purpose or do we slave away for the sake of climbing a social ladder?

I was on a date a few weeks ago and the girl I met was nice enough, she was pretty, very intelligent and I would say she was text-book perfect. Problem was, I found her very reserved, afraid to open up and let out what she truly wanted from life. It seemed she was conditioned to believe marriage was one of life’s natural wonders, so when I posed the question, “What if the entire concept of marriage didn’t exist, what would be your drive for companionship?” She stared at me with the blankest expression as if her mind had been formatted, I felt like I had insulted her.

It got me thinking about how many people in my life have very similar views, I don’t think a week goes by where a family member or a friend asks me about my marital status or how many digits occupy my bank account. Is it not enough to just accept that I’m happy, healthy and human, surrounded by a truck load of love and that I now live with a mountain sized passion for life? It’s like many cannot accept that I could arrive at this level of fulfillment without having followed certain ideologies.

Is it that difficult to comprehend, that we can drive ourselves simply by the honesty we carry in our emotions? That life is actually a lot simpler outside the flow of man-made principles.

I’m beginning to wonder if humanity has lost touch with the very things that make us human. How is anyone supposed to reach self-actualization and fulfilment, if we’re so conditioned to live life dictated by man-made values, popular movements and lean our desires towards marketable trends?

OK, maybe I’m heading off on a frustrated tangent here, but think about it, when was the last time you did something unstructured and genuinely honest? How much of your life is innately motivated?

Give yourself the opportunity to ponder this thought and tap into your true intent, before making your next life decision.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Why The Path To Success Can Be Lonely

Post by VanCityLifeCoach.com

Walk Alone

Working towards your own aspirations in life can be very lonely. Despite having my family and friends around me, I sometimes can't help but feel like I’m living life all by myself, because I'm working towards my own aspirations that others don’t understand or connect with.

At first I couldn't understand why, because even when I was in a committed relationship, at times, I'd still feel very much on my own - because my partners level of ambition differed from mine. It would often lead me to question the entire purpose of pursuing my dreams and I’d start to doubt the path that I was on, because surely success isn’t meant to feel like this.

When you first begin to embark on your own journey in life, you shed the cocoon of familiarity and explore life with your true identity. As you begin to navigate your own life in your own direction, you place yourself in a vulnerable position. You feel this vulnerability very quickly, and you notice how far you drift from the safety and comforts of everything you were once used to.

For example, you knew exactly where to turn for guidance and support - but on your own path, you’re relying on your own instinct and judgment to guide you. As you venture on and the more you succeed, you begin feeling your isolation. You’ve had to learn everything all over again and you become more and more self-reliant and self-content. And because you pursued your passion, nobody is able to hold your hand and walk you through it.

As you achieve one goal after another, you recognise a formula that works for you and often enough, you’re the only one that recognises this and understands it. So tenacity and determination set in which overwhelm your emotions. Then when you have a moment to spare, after a long day of pursuing your dream, your emotions have a chance to surface and you may begin to feel homesick. You’ll feel like giving up because nobody else gets it.

These feelings of loneliness can cause you to turn back to a familiar way of life, albeit unfulfilling. When success makes you feel alone, you must first remind yourself of why you embarked on your journey. Trigger motivation and a positive mindset by remembering why you ventured onto this path and why you found/seek fulfillment within it.

Secondly, you should evaluate your life and determine how far you want to continue carrying this feeling of loneliness. Personally, I’m finding more fulfillment in pursuing my passions than being in a relationship. I don’t feel very alone because at this moment my success is still new and growing; I haven’t achieved a level of success I’m satisfied with.

I've discovered that it’s all about balance, you must first establish a minimum level of success you’re comfortable living with, and make it a priority to reach this minimum requirement.  And when you've met this success, balance your identity by investing in other areas of your life that you have perhaps neglected.

Nurture these neglected areas of your life until they too are bought up to the same minimum-level of fulfillment. Once you have achieved this, continue to raise your minimum. Keep adding to your success, but also continue to build upon your relationships too. I reiterate, it’s about maintaining balance.

I promise you, the moment you give up on yourself during this momentary lapse in character, the novelty of familiarity will soon wear off, and rather than feeling alone, you'll feel empty. The lonely side of success is definitely something you should try to prepare for because it can knock you off your path. It can cause you to feel like a failure, despite whatever success you’ve built.

Remember to take time out to reflect and realize that although you may feel alone now, you're not far from being within the company of your dreams. However, success is very much like an addictive drug, when you get a small taste you’re hooked. Therefore it is important to understand exactly what level of success you’d be satisfied with, because when you get there, you must nurture the other areas of your life.

I have a clear level of success in mind and when I achieve it, I know it'll be time to unite other aspects of my identity; specifically the part that does yearn for companionship. Should I fail to do so, my success would've been achieved in vain as life wouldn't feel successful in its entirety.

It is possible to have everything you've ever wanted in life, but to do so you must set definitive levels of fulfillment. This does not mean that your success is capped or restricted in any way, it simply encourages you to make the most out of every opportunity in life, so that feelings of loneliness become far and fewer.

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