partners

Relationships: The Importance of Unveiling Your Past

Separated Yin Yang

Your life up until this point; the identity you live with today, is a collection of your experiences, everything you have learned and traits that you may have inherited. Part of being in a relationship is sharing your life with another, therefore it’s important to share your past with your partner.

For one, knowing that you’ve truly bared all is extremely liberating. Knowing that you have nothing to hide makes for an uncomplicated relationship that’s not only built on trust, but built on honesty too.

These two values are crucial, if you desire the components that make up a powerful partnership that carries on throughout the rest of your life.

Furthermore, knowing that there’s nothing left to uncover, allows you to be easily understood.

When I coach couples, I ask very tough questions in order to expose an honesty that someone perhaps lives with, but has not yet shared. I ask difficult questions because it indicates how well a couple communicate and how well people actually understand each other.

When you share your past with your significant other, you’re sharing information that is essential towards keeping your relationship alive. First of all, your partner won’t be spending their lifetime trying to figure you out, that alone can cause complications and insecurities.

Your past reveals your motivations and it reveals your emotional triggers, so just think about how this information can elevate bliss and happiness within your relationship. Teach your partner about the person you are, educate them on your past so that together you can have a mindful future.

The beautiful thing about letting your past out, is that you let it go. If there is a part of you that you haven’t shared with your significant other, then already you’ve begun to diminish core values. And if there are problems at the very core, the effect is felt at the surface (i.e. you’ll find yourself disagreeing and placing significance over smaller, less important issues, more frequently).

Revealing your past also allows you to remain present.

People always argue that if you reveal too much you leave nothing left to uncover, that there’s an excitement to the mystery. I agree, and that’s great at the very beginning of a relationship…a lot of the excitement when starting something new, comes from discovering new things. However, as you begin to understand each other and connect, excitement generates from exploring life as you move your relationship forward. From the mystery of exploring each other’s potential and embarking on parallel journeys towards self-actualization.

You may fear judgment and loss as a result of the information you share, but the whole point of sharing your life with someone, is that you have someone that accepts your identity completely and vice versa.

Society put’s on a lot of pressure and expects you to live up to certain ideologies: to get married at a certain age, start a family, fill a home with memories and beautiful things that elevate their image of perfection and bliss. This motivation is corrosive to your identity and this pressure may force you down avenues you’re not ready for.

A relationship is about the elevation of spirit; to experience nirvana and to engage you in fulfilling your purpose. You won’t get that until you give yourself completely. All the other things that you progress into (i.e. the home, the family etc.) merely become extensions of a growing relationship, not the definition of one.

Lastly and most importantly, sharing your past allows you to communicate confidently. It lessens the impact of misinterpretation and allows you to remain honest and maintain trust.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

3 Things You Need from the People Around You

Winning

Surrounding yourself with the right energy is not just about surrounding yourself with people that share the same ideas, interests and 'identity' as you do. After figuring out my passions, I proceeded to be around people that know life is worth living passionately with self-belief, rather than meeting someone else's expectation and suppressing ones dreams for a senseless need to fit in.

From music, sports, taste in girls and experiences in life, most things about me and my best mate are very different. Although our interests may differ, we meet on common ground when it comes to our attitude towards life. The energy from knowing exactly what we want transfers directly into nurturing our own goals.

Surround yourself with people that embrace their own ideas and aren't afraid to live by their own identity. Notice how these types of people encourage you to be at your best and in turn watch how the energy gets transferred into action:

1. Competition - as were both hungry for success, the subtleties of competition push one another to achieve more with our work. If I hear him typing, I have to type faster, if he knows I'm sending out another post, he works on securing another website to work on. Our sights are completely unrelated but the pursuit of achievement and success causes us to healthily compete. Pushing one another closer to achieving each goal.

2. Motivation - Procrastination is everyone's flaw, but having people around you that share the same thirst for life, even though what they desire from it is completely irrelevant to your cause, knowing another person is on their game makes you want to be on yours. So if I know he's at the local Library working on a project and I'm on my arse watching Netflix, I'm motivated to unplug the TV and plug into success.

3.  Evaluation - I work with my earphones on, so we're hardly communicating when working, but at the end of what seems as a marathon of work, we discuss what we have worked on. The sharing of new ideas and brainstorming unexplored avenues sets the course for innovation and fresh input towards our own work. It freshens the mind with new perspective.

The same happens when I speak to my sister, she's a successful business woman, our life goals are completely different but it's that energy that comes with ambition and knowing what we want from life is how we build each other up.

Today, I reiterate this message to you again: Surrounding yourself with the right energy is like having your goals and successes floating around you in reach, reminding you regularly of where you’re headed.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach