negativity

5 Ways to Harness the Power of Negative Emotion

depression

Negative emotions tend to make us feel powerless, but the powerful effect of negativity can be quite useful. Negative emotions cloud our identities and restrict us from building fulfilling lives. The longer we allow negative emotions to linger, our thoughts turn destructive and we begin losing hope of ever feeling truly happy/happy again.

Negative emotions are always a burden and coping with them is certainly exhausting; maintaining a positive presence is difficult to upkeep, especially when we feel like we’re crippling inside. However, with a little guidance and support, we can channel that negative energy into something useful.

I’ve found that negative energy can be an opportunity to increase self-awareness. Think of how we feel when we’re physically hurt, the pain makes us aware of the wound so that we can heal it. Is it so naive to think that our negative emotions work in a similar way?

  1. An Indication to Evaluate and Reflect Behavior.

We can get so wrapped up in negative thought that it’s easy to overlook this key indication: to wear our objective lenses and pay attention to the way we’re living out our lives. We must acknowledge our feelings first, assess negative behaviors and then investigate how we arrived at such a burden, to understand the triggers and piques.

We should become aware of indulging activities that leave us feeling regretful and shameful, such as: overeating or loss of appetite, short tempers or feelings of emptiness, frivolous sexual pursuits or lack of sexual desire and self-loathing and obsessively comparing ourselves to others’. These are just a handful of examples that feed negative emotions, but we must become aware of behaviors that are deceitfully healing, because they actually deepen the wound.

  1. Realize That Life Is Directed by A Series of Choices.

I believe that every single one of us has an opportunity to achieve great things. What's standing between us and a great destiny, is a series of choices. Wherever or whenever we feel like we don't have a choice, know that it’s down to a negative perception of reality; fear and a lack of understanding is all that keeps us from making the choices we really want to make.

We can choose to go to the same boring job everyday, or we can choose to invest any free moment looking for new opportunities. We can choose to indulge negative behaviors, or realize that we can employ positive ones. We can also choose to be happy, if we choose to deal with negativity head on.

  1. Embrace The Opportunity for Change.

Prolonged negativity should act as a catalyst for change. When we’re feeling like we’re ‘stuck-in-a-rut’, disconnected from life and/or living complacently, it’s time for change. What’s the point in perpetuating a life that’s negative, when we have the power to change it?  We just need to remember that change is a process. Often what deters us is the uncertainty, but when we break down change into manageable steps, anything becomes completely doable.

When we’re feeling negative we get frustrated and when we feel frustrated, we become disheartened and impatient. It’s probably why many of us seek out ‘quick-fixes’ to cope with negative emotion. If we become more aware of the changes we need to make and take the first step towards directing change, even if it’s just research to begin with, we counteract and overcome negative emotion with positive behavior.

  1. Identify and Let Go of Any Enablers.

When a person is given a chance to be honest, their identity shines through. When we begin to understand one another, we notice how special and unique each of us truly are and we can help each other overcome our obstacles. How many people in our lives allow us to shine? How many of them can we be truly honest and vulnerable with, without fear nor judgement? I evaluate the people around me by this philosophy. We shouldn't need to be anyone else other than who we are and if there are people around us that restrict this birthright, then we must rethink some of these relationships.

Furthermore, our identities need to shine in order to learn and grow. If we have people around us that restrict our identities, then it only reinforces the message that we’re not good enough, not worthy enough or perhaps that there is something wrong with us. Honest relationships are crucial to personal development. I’ve personally found by being honest myself, I’m also creating an opportunity for others to open up and be honest themselves too. Slowly but surely if we all adopt this same philosophy, we can help each other get through life. We can nurture an environment that’s safe enough to be vulnerable in and together, we can grow and prosper. We must learn to let go of dishonest relationships and embrace those who are accepting of others.

  1. When All Else Fails, Take Some Time Away and Go Alone.

Nothing works better than entering a new and unfamiliar environment alone and realize how many challenges we can face and overcome. I believe it’s why many of us find travel so liberating and probably why many people find India in particular, so life changing. If our physical senses are overrun by overwhelmingly new sensations, what energy do we have left to upkeep a negative attitude? At some point that survival instinct kicks in as we’re forced to overcome one hurdle after another and we have no other choice but to trust ourselves. A change of scene almost forces us to look objectively into our lives and highlight the negative aspects of them.

Having some alone time allows us to honestly connect with the way we truly feel, as opposed to rationalizing our negative emotions to coexist with current ideologies we feel entangled in. Going away to a foreign place alone, is like embarking on a pilgrimage to self-realization; to realize that we all have purpose and that we’re capable of overcoming anything.

Where do you find love?

Post by Vancouver Life Coach, Terry Sidhu.

Love

I recently came back from a trip that made me realise the unspoken struggles we face alone, beneath the surface of the identities we present. Having reconnected with loved ones after many years and establishing brand new connections, I came back from this trip more aware of the emotional experiences we’re all striving for in life. Experiences that many of us will fail to achieve, if we continue to overrule what we’re truly feeling with rationalisation. The experiences I’m talking about, have to do with Love.

Love is an emotion that has baffled great minds for millennia, and I’m learning that the only way to understand what love is and the purpose it serves, is to first accept and embrace it. To realize that it exists and that it sits at the very core of all human emotion.

Sometimes I feel my work simply involves reconnecting individuals with love. Albeit helping individuals accept and embrace who they are and develop a love of themselves, through to helping individuals uncover a path that feels genuine and purposeful. Then there’s the relationship aspect of my work, where I help people reconnect with the feeling of love, rather than merely presenting the idea of it.

Although I began my career with a subjective understanding of love, my work has helped me develop objectivity on the matter. I’m understanding that love is an authentic connection to an honest energy, where one feels completely accepted by and accepting of said energy. Love is the most liberating of all emotions, which is why I feel we should navigate our lives by it. Learning about the impact of love and how it can influence even the most stubborn of minds, I finally feel I can write from the heart and of the heart, about this alluring topic.

I feel human consciousness or the gateway to human consciousness, has a lot to do with the awakening of our emotions. I think to when a baby is born, the very first thing a child experiences in life is raw and uninterrupted emotion. I feel my understanding of emotion is that they’re our awareness of existence. I feel our emotions are the true senses of our consciousness, and it’s trusting and relying on these senses that will guide us to the best conscious experience possible. Perhaps then our traditional, physical senses, are the gatekeepers that help us manage and construct our conscious experience.

I imagine human consciousness as a vast garden where seeds of emotion are planted. I think these seeds sprout at birth and from then on, the way we live our lives shape the way this garden grows. For example, a lot of negative life experiences will probably result in an unappealing garden full of negative emotions. Weeds that overshadow or restrict the potential of an appealing garden from blossoming; a garden full of flowers of positive emotion. If we can imagine our emotions in this way, like plants that need to be nurtured, then we can appreciate the value in nurturing positive emotion. Understand the effort it takes to maintain positivity and how easy it is to neglect and let negativity take rule over time. Therefore, to nurture and grow positive emotion, we must make the effort in our everyday lives for positive life experiences.

I use this analogy in order to help my clients understand the work it may take to revive their identities, and manage their lives into the fulfilment they seek. It’s a matter of managing and maintaining our “gardens” so to speak. It also helps us understand that all our emotions exist and are present within us, and just like the plants that grow in our gardens, we need to nurture the right ones. We must work to grow a garden worth presenting; to live a life worth living, and where relationships are concerned, we must develop a garden worth visiting; a life we’re confident sharing.

I’ve always noticed, or rather envied how children seem to have an innate ability to embrace love so easily. It makes me think that love is the emotion that grows in the centre of our conscious gardens. A tree that branches into emotions like passion, hope, enjoyment, confidence, excitement, happiness, liberation and so on. I think naturally we’re supposed to, and are allowed to, live our lives this way and I suppose that’s why it’s said that happiness is a choice.

I think our negative experiences in life and the mass, repetitive messages we’re surrounded by impact our emotions so much so, that we lose sight of our positive emotions. Our positive emotions become defined for us and reinforced by messages that tell us how we have to look and behave. Our gatekeepers, our traditional senses, are so overwhelmed by these messages that we’re convinced that love and happiness is something we must strive to earn, even though they already exist within.

As an example, think about the last time you’ve really wanted to settle a curiosity, or wanted to be spontaneous in life and just live, but you’ve stopped yourself because of a fear of what others may think?

If we continue to limit these potentially positive experiences in life, we nurture and grow negative emotions like insecurity, isolation, hopelessness, sadness, fear and so on, until they take over that tree and transform it into hate. If we can realise that we are in control of our lives, that we are the caretakers of our own gardens, we can actively take charge of how we feel. We can consciously choose to grow love.

Emotions have always been key to our survival and well-being and as the world has evolved, I fear we’ve learned to rationalize or turn a blind eye to what we’re truly feeling. Think about it, how many times have you had to convince yourself that “everything’s fine”, because from the outlook you should have nothing to worry about? You may have built a life that looks good, but how many of you reading this can honestly say you’re living a life that feels good?

It’s really simple actually, because we can easily distinguish what feels good from what feels bad and more importantly, we can distinguish what leaves us feeling good and what leaves us feeling bad. We just need to start listening to our emotions in order to guide our lives in a positive direction. We must learn to neglect and move away from all things bad, and educate and strengthen our gatekeepers to focus on all things good.

My apologies if this post sounds more spiritual than usual, but the happiest people I’ve come across lead their lives with love. I see that they’re surrounded by an abundance of love because they’ve let this emotion take reign over their lives. They love what they do, they love who they are, they love others easily and most importantly, they’re easily loved. How many of us can say we feel this way everyday?

Today we can to stop contributing our own misery, by facing the truth that is rooted in our emotions.

Vancouver Life Coach

What is Mindfulness? - The Philosophy of “I don’t give a damn Sh*t”

I have very cool parents. A father with the ability to dream big, despite life’s knock backs, the man still has some big aspirations. His encouragement is limitless and he has every confidence that, no matter what I do, I’ll be okay.

My mother on the other hand, she lives by one philosophy which she insists on passing down through generations. A guru in her own right, my mother never ever gave a "damn sh*t!” We, we being myself and my siblings, all used to laugh at her funny sayings, this one in particular.

My parents grew up in a generation surrounded by very strict Indian traditions and extremely outdated cultural practices. Also, one of the first generations to genuinely experience the struggles of integrating into a western society, from racial prejudice through to raising children who had adopted very different values to those she and my father were raised with.

An avid reader, my mum grew up reading books on philosophy, psychology, and spirituality. She generally read anything that allowed her mind to explore, to escape the realities she was forced to surrender to. All our lives, during the troubles that came with financial turmoil, crooked family politics and the bullsh*t that came with living an arranged life, she never let her spirit die.

We all grew up hearing “I don’t give a damn Sh*t!” around the house, as she belted it out during stressful moments. In her charming in-glish accent (an Indian accent with an English undertone), followed by a delightful laugh that made any unfortunate situation seem small and insignificant. It’s only during the last few years, having figured out my own path in life, I connected with what mum actually meant by the words she uttered.

My mum has practised mindfulness her entire life, before the world began trending it, mum was living it. In every difficult situation, she would never let negativity infiltrate her mind. It was like this mantra shielded her from turning into a bitter old lady; resenting the world and everyone in it.

I always thought she held onto a hope that things would get better one day, as many do in unfortunate circumstances. I thought that was where she drew her strength. In actuality, that one-day was always her present day, the here and now was the time to laugh off her troubles and focus on whatever bliss currently existed, however big or small. Be it the fact that we had a day with a full healthy meal on our plates or, at the very least, love and closeness in our family.

Today, at 64, mum continues to share lessons of mindfulness to any person she meets. It makes complete sense why people warm up to her very quickly. She lives life as if life is literally the only thing she owns, and so long as she maintains control over her own mind, the force that drives her life, she’s the most fortunate person she knows.

So no matter what situation you’re faced with, no matter what your current circumstances are, practise having full control over your mind and be aware of your thoughts. That’s what mindfulness is. Mum taught us to focus on everyday bliss, however big or small, it exists, we just have to start paying attention to it.

Negativity can only affect us if we allow it to and what mum actually means by ‘not giving a sh*t’, isn’t that she doesn’t care, it’s that she’ll continue to fight for the one thing that can’t ever be taken from her; she will never surrender her mind to negativity, no matter how hard life tries.

This post was written by Terry Sidhu.

Are you ready to reach your true potential?

5 Reminders to Get You through a Tough Week!

Stress We've all had to face challenging weeks; high stress, never-ending tasks and a little drama along the way…here’s 5 reminders to help you get you through it all.

  1. Get Your Priorities In Order

Understand your priorities, take a look at the week ahead and plan your time accordingly. Ensure that time is managed well and remember not to neglect anything. You’ll feel pressured by a tough week even more if you cannot make time for the important things in your life.

Get your work and life balanced, as one will always affect the other. Avoid a tough week from becoming a stressful month, and don’t be left with a wasted year because you “never had the time.”

  1. Plan Something To Look Forward To

If you haven’t done so already, do it now. If there’s no fulfilling reward and the end of this journey then you’ll feel even worse and more beaten up. Always work and live towards something that feels rewarding; particularly something that makes you feel accomplished and proud. Make all that hard work payoff!

  1. Engage In Daily Activities That Makes You Smile

For the love of beer have fun! If your finding there’s less smiles and laughter this week, you’re heading in the wrong direction. Make an effort to do something that makes you feel good after a tough day. The world has enough stressed and irritated people in it, so don’t become another one. You can face anything so long as you dedicate sufficient time in your day to distress by engaging in activities that make you feel good!

 4. Remove Yourself From Negativity

If you’re hanging with people who complain a lot then remove yourself from this escalation of negative energy. Hang with positive people who remind you of your identity, who give you the boost you require to get through challenges. Connect to those who motivate and encourage you; people who give you that confidence boost to see anything through!

  1. Turn Your Game Face On

You’re a force to be reckoned with, there are many challenges you have faced and have overcome, remember them! Take control and shrink the size of any challenge by growing the size of your spirit. Trigger your motivation by reminding yourself of what you are capable of. Remember you can’t be intimidated by the size of a challenge if your mind is focused, clear and open!

Happy hump day and welcome to September!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs069dndIYk

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Why Insecurities Develop When Used To Mask Doubts in Relationships

Image When a discussion topic turns to relationships, the term insecurities get thrown into conversations all the time. Many people I've spoken to tend to say that their insecurities are affecting their relationships. However during the course of discussion, the case is that people will use the term as an excuse to simply mask and avoid doubts and concerns - ultimately blaming themselves for an entire problem that they may never have caused. For example, if someone is concerned that they are not getting the attention they deserve from their partner, compared to at the beginning of the relationship; many people justify that as an outcome of one’s insecurities getting in the way, rather than investigating where the doubt stems from first. Unfortunately when left unresolved, these doubts begin to develop into actual insecurities that carry over into other relationships.

First of all, here’s what I know about feeling insecure: People rarely reveal their insecurities, if someone is truly insecure about something; they do everything to avoid highlighting it. Feelings of insecurity are internal, insecurities will affect one’s own behavior, personality and self-confidence and it’s a huge self-esteem knocker. Feeling insecure is psychological and often stems from trauma and not from unfortunate situations.

In relationships when things begin to go south we always try to find a way to reason them. We want to understand why a certain situation is occurring. However, what I have found from many people is that they use their insecurities as a reason, almost like a defense mechanism, to avoid understanding the actual root of their genuine feelings. Also, people don’t like to feel their making the same mistake twice, so when they feel that something iffy is recurring, they confuse their emotions and reason with insecurity. It’s easier to admit fault with our insecurities as they are difficult to overcome, than to face up and deal with a relationship that could be on the rocks or even failing. It’s taking the easy way out.

To define those points which trigger feelings of insecurity is to look at the doubts you have, which in most cases means to track changes in behavior, either of your own or your partners. If you’re still the same person in the relationship as you were when you began it, then most likely it’s not insecurities that are making you feel uneasy, listen to your instinct instead. If you had insecurities in your past which you felt were resolved but now feel have been triggered, then you need to define the moment things changed and resolve it, before you begin blaming yourself. If you feel you've never had insecurities in the beginning and now they've developed, then you need to define the moment they began; In many circumstances you will notice that it’s caused from a change of behavior in the other person within the relationship. When we can pinpoint changes, we can then begin to unveil the true reason.

Consider doubts your warning signs, your mind and body will try to tell you if you’re beginning to feel symptoms of insecurity. If you notice yourself becoming more introverted, avoiding discussion and shunning away from the topic of relationships – these are signs of feeling insecure in your relationship, which then can be identified as causing the problems. If you’re openly talking about your relationship and trying to engage in discussion to resolve issues - these are your doubts. Feeling truly insecure in a relationship is very damaging, you open yourself to be controlled, manipulated and your identity can slowly get consumed. Justifying doubts as insecurities can lead feeling like every relationship you enter will ultimately fail because of your “insecurities” and you end up jumping over hurdles and compromises that can cause emotional harm.

Here’s some advice, if your partner isn't helping you feel more secure and comfortable, then clearly the relationship lacks a lot of the basics that make being in a relationship worthwhile. People forget the purpose of having another person in our lives - we need to feel empowered and encouraged by the people we keep close to us, to be surrounded with positivity and comfort and to offer this in return. Either way, you need to feel secure.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Avoid Becoming the Bad Apple - Break the Cycle That Breeds Irritated Souls

It still irritates me to see how many people are afraid to say or admit what it is they want or wanted out of life. They bury their dreams and continue on with life with the mentality that “it wasn’t meant to be” or that “it will never happen” and they will share this view with anyone else that has the balls to actually go for it.  The ones that adopt the same mentality will carry on this cycle and continue to fill the world with irritated souls with lost dreams. Adopting this attitude will only distance yourself from the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Despite what others have said, I had managed to push on and continued to pursue my goals and passions because I was never afraid to say what I would accomplish. Being able to say what it is I wanted got me to where I am today and to the distances I will go tomorrow. I remember my year 11 science teacher saying to me that I wouldn’t make it to sixth form let alone obtain a degree. I remember my friends laughing at me when they said I wouldn’t make it out of my hometown when I said I will be living abroad one day. I remember relatives saying my goals were too ambitious and that I needed to ground myself and live in the real world.

Now if I had listened to them I would have probably stopped believing in myself and end up as another irritated soul waiting for something to happen and trying to make ends meet in the ‘real world’. I may have just waited for someone to save me from an irritated life to just sit and wait until I venture onto the right path. Well that’s what I saw of the ‘real world’ and the people in it, what people said I shrugged off as hearsay, what right did they have to determine my life for me? I couldn’t understand their advice so I couldn’t adopt it. There’s this bizarre mistake that the majority of people make, they try to fit their lives into an idea of what success is and what success looks like because no one ever told them that we determine our own success. Not many people had the guts to say to me “that will definitely work” or “Terry, you will get what you want” for any support that I did receive there was always a slight hesitation with a concerned undertone and you’ve probably heard these words before, they go along the lines of “good luck” and “I wish you all the best”.

Whenever you dream and share that dream with others, voices of negativity will always tell you not to pursue it. Discourage you from believing and placing doubt on your passion. I had so much of that growing up; even to this day many people still cast this negative shadow, despite my successes. I have come to terms with what others do not understand and I have come to terms with why others have such opinions. However I will refuse to come to terms with closing the door to my ambition and turning my back on my dreams, to reiterate, they got me this far and they’ll carry me further and I urge you to follow your dreams and encourage others too. Break the cycle that breeds irritated souls and aim to live in a more fulfilled world.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

3 Ways to Identify a Hater - Dealing With Negative People

From being bullied as a child to being discouraged for having the guts to dream today, I always thought shutting out negativity was the only way to deal with a person whose sole purpose was to bring me down, known as 'the hater'. We all know that keeping persistently positive and moving closer to our dreams will often attract people who want to try to break our spirit rather than elevate it. I’m going to give you insight which might help you deal with these people better – it just takes a little understanding.

I found there are three types of negative people:

1. The hater that got left behind – the most common type of hater, these are the people who feel you've surpassed them in life. People who aren't doing what you’re doing because insecurities and fears hold them back. They fail to understand your goals, dreams and ambitions but for some reason have formed an opinion on you and your mission. Often closed-minded in nature, these types of people are coming from a lack of understanding. To deal with them is to hope that one day they can overcome their fears and embark on their own journey.

2. The competitive hater – these people are the ones often difficult to distinguish, because they do have their own goals and dreams and they are working towards them. So why are they so negative towards you? To put it simply, your competition. Often jealousy driven, they believe dishing out negativity to those on par with their lives will bring them success. Remember what I said about brands? (click here if you need a reminder) Your brand image is conflicting with theirs, rather than brand themselves up; they try to bring you down. The unfortunate thing here is that there is an opportunity to learn from each other and find new ways to grow, here is a person that has all the qualities to be successful but they hold themselves back because they allow other people to determine what success means to them and allow other people to determine their confidence. My only opinion is to just be true to yourself, if you have a firm belief, believe in it, if you have passion, go with it and if you have a dream, stick to it. Appreciate this person for their potential, remember - if you want people to believe in you, you need to believe in others, show them how you’re happy on your way, hoping that it will encourage them to focus on their own path.

3. The hater on top – this type of hater, oddly enough, is the one we want to hear from but are affected by the most. They are the people 'living the dream', who are successful but dishing out negativity towards you because you're on you way to greet them. Ironically, their hate stems from your journey, they fear your on that path to achieving success and they do not want you there. They've become complacent but you’re challenging them. Don’t mind them, if you're hearing from them, then it simply suggests you’re heading in the right direction. You’re an upcoming threat in their eyes, they’re trying to knock you out of the game. As they focus on you, you focus on yourself

Remember to always return a positive favor when faced with a hater, insecurities and fears breed negative people, which is why I say stay persistently positive, your energy will eventually rub off on others and you’ll notice you’ll attract less and less negativity. The moment you give in is the moment you begin losing your way.

I noticed that the more these people tried to bring me down, they made me just want to aim higher. I hadn't realized how motivating these people can actually be. Now let’s not get carried away, I’m not saying I need these people in my life but understanding them opens my eyes to motivations I can draw from them. On a side note, always remember there is a thin line between concern and negativity as well as critique and judgment so don’t start categorizing everyone as a hater who doesn't agree with you. Positivity wouldn't exist if negativity wasn't around, we'll always have to deal with it, so I say embrace them once you understand them.

VanCity