confidence

The Courage Found in Creativity

open_box

Our imagination can take our minds to places we never thought possible. We all have this beautifully engineered component which gives us the capability to, safely and securely, explore alternate realities and ideate to our hearts content.

It’s through exercising this ability we’ve been able to progress and evolve as a civilization. Many of the things we take for granted today, are the result of someone courageous enough to pluck an idea from an obscure reality and make it real.

One of my favorite pieces of advice to share with people who lack courage - is to create. Creativity is the key to unlocking our minds and understanding our own identities. It’s the opportunity and freedom to be ourselves as we explore the world within.

Being creative; that first brush stroke or note, that first idea or theory,  that first movement or moment…it’s like switching on an engine, shifting into first gear and beginning that journey towards courage.

Engaging in our creative abilities allows us to confidently explore the truth within and explore the depth of our potential. As we shift into higher gears and really begin to indulge our identities, as we navigate through the limitless multiverse that is our imagination, we’ll begin to see sense in our creations and stimulate a unique purpose for our own lives.

We all start our lives living on instinct and raw emotion. As children we have that confidence and courage to explore and be open and expressive. As children we yearn to be understood and accepted, yet as we grow older, the paradigm shifts as we climb into a box and try to fit in; in fear of being different.

As we nestle into these boxes, a dilemma soon arises when we become increasingly aware, of how lonely it is living life boxed in by perception and the classification of normality. They limit creativity and curb our opportunities to innovate and express ourselves, because we continue to play within a space which we naively consider to be harmless. Yet it weakens courage and dwindles confidence.

They also limit our connection to others. They restrict how much we are willing to share and how much others have available to explore. Eventually, stepping outside of our proverbial boxes becomes a nonsensical notion, as we deem those living blissfully free from these restraints: brave, inspiring and/or foolish.

So if you’re sitting there reading this with hopeful desires, wishing and waiting for that one day, that one opportunity to lead your life into greatness. Then let your imagination soar and express your creativity and as you continue to create, you’ll find the courage to step outside of your box and showcase your identity.

VanCity

What We All Want.

VanCity Today, I led a discussion and met with people living very different lives, about life and relationships. Although there were so many differences, we stripped back experiences until we hit raw, genuine, emotion. Some cried, some got angry, but we all laughed, and as we explored everyone's identities, we discovered what we all truly wanted from our lives, from others and within ourselves.

Since, coaching and connecting with people from all around the world, it's never been more evident that we all strive for the same thing. To just live our lives, as ourselves without compromises.

I'll admit, people's perception about what I do got to me. Even I began to think this whole coaching gig was going to be about helping people set a few of goals and motivate them to achieve it. However, today I was reminded of why I got into this in the first place and I can't even put into words, how it feels to see someone leave a session, with more confidence and excitement about their own lives moving forward.

Over the last few weeks, a mother understood the influence she has on her child, a son understood the pedestal he was placed upon and someone who had lost their identity to their career, learned that they had much more to offer than what was expected in exchange for a paycheck. Someone dealing with loss faced their guilt and finally felt ready to accept what they could not change. Another was awoken to the negative influences impacting his life...

After achieving what I had today and over the last few weeks, I’m more than happy and confident to end this note with:

Kind regards,

Terry Sidhu – Relationship and Life Coach.

Why You Should Always Challenge Yourself

challenges-ahead

When was the last time your identity was pushed to its limits? When did you last overcome an intimidating challenge?

How you deal with and overcome challenges is a skill you develop. If you're pretty good at it, chances are you've come across many challenges in your life. You've probably developed your skill well enough to withstand an array of pressures that life can throw at you.

One thing I advise people who pursue their own success, is to avoid complacency. The world and how it operates continues to evolve and change and our nature is to adapt to these changes. If you’re not nurturing your ability to overcome challenges, the more difficult it’ll be to adapt, more so when challenges are unavoidably presented.

As you become adapted to a life you've built, you may have learnt to avoid challenges as you nestle into comfort and ease. If you’re settled into routine and are comfortable in the everyday motions of life, it’s important to set yourself and see through goals/challenges regularly. They help you to strengthen your mindset, thus allowing you to tap into your identity; the stronger your will, the more confident and determined you’ll be to succeed in the passions YOU want to pursue.

Challenges present several learning opportunities that teach you more about yourself than you once thought. Challenges are a constant reminder, proof even, that personal potential is truly uncapped. If you're constantly nurturing this mindset, you build up a tolerance against negative infiltrations like procrastination, doubt, insecurity and anything else that keeps you from reaching your self-actualized state.

Your mind as well as your body can be pushed to surprising limits and in order for you to continue your journey towards self-actualization, you should seek to challenge yourself whenever an opportunity arises.  You should always keep your mind and your body engaged in a constant state of improvement and progression.

Regularly engaging in challenges also helps you build up a tolerance of what you can handle at any given time. Remember, the more success you accumulate in your life, the more challenges you’ll come across to maintain and grow it.

Always continue to push yourself further today, so that you’ll sail through the challenges of tomorrow.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

10 Ways to Feel Better About Yourself and Into a Positive Mind-Set

Brush it off

Whenever you’re having a bad day or just need to clear your thoughts, try adopting some of the following principles to uplift your spirit, so that you can continue to deal with whatever life decides to throw your way.

#1 Liberation

Be honest and confess your heart out. We all have secrets that weigh us down, things that we continue to push back into the deep, dark corners of our minds. These repressions only add insult to an already difficult time in life, free yourself from the burden of locking up this stress and liberate yourself today. There’s an emotional freedom and strength you develop when you unlock both your heart and your mind.

#2 Withdrawal

There are certain things in life that occur outside the bounds of your control. You can either let this negative impact consume your spirit or, do what I prefer to do: plaster on a smile and say (aloud) “Fu*k it!” It’s my way of remaining in the present, not fearing what the past has to torment me, nor what the future has waiting for me (#fuckcancer).

#3 Bliss

Take a drive, book a weekend away, go out…do something for yourself that allows you to comfortably express yourself. Always take time for moments of bliss, to feel comfortable in your own skin; free to just be yourself. Personally, I book a trip away every quarter just to break away from the insanity that we refer to as the “real” world.

#4 Serenity

Go on a communications hiatus. Turn off the phone, close the laptop and pick up a book or engage in an activity that gives you time to relax and recover. Take time out to listen to your thoughts and be at peace with time. You can become so reliant on staying connected, that you can end up losing touch with yourself.

#5 Gratitude

Remind yourself of everything in your life that you're thankful for and show appreciation towards it/them. Whether you're grateful for the roof over your head or the people in your life, spend time protecting and showing appreciation to your most cherished assets. Oh, and don’t forget about your health; look after your mind and body.

#6 Community

Nothing eases the pressures of life than supporting others that could benefit from your help. Humbling, freeing and incredibly rewarding, helping others can really snap you out of negative thought processes. It can remind you that you’re worth something to someone, even if you believe the world and everyone in it is against you.

#7 Amnesty

Forgive. Forget. Move on. Let go of grudges; let go of the energy it takes to hate someone. Holding onto hate will only prevent you from moving forward. Understand that time gives you the opportunity to heal, but you must let go if you want to facilitate this process. Trust me, I held on to hate as if it were the life that ran through my veins, and it led my identity astray.

Also, fess up and seek redemption if you need to. We're all human, we're all learning, we're all connected and we feel the same emotions. Make your mistakes but own up to them, if you let them fester and do nothing, they’ll develop into regrets you'll later live with.

#8 Confidence

Say yes more! Just do it, if you’re hesitant then that’s your indication that there's a part of you that wants to experience and explore your curiosity – this is life! However, if you’re completely certain and very confident that you don’t want to do something, then don’t do it, listen to your intuition and your gut instincts.

#9 Passion

Indulge in your hobbies and unleash your inner expert. Do things that make you feel proud of yourself; do things that make you feel accomplished. Explore those things that interest you, especially if others do not understand why. Your hobbies and your passions make you unique and they’ll keep your identity intact. Never lose sight of who you are.

#10 Mindfulness

Often associated to meditation, but I’ve learned that mindfulness is just about being completely present without judgment. I liken it to the freedom you experience behind closed doors. Tap into your creative spirit, express yourself and feel good! Get yourself into a flow state and reclaim your life; sing, dance, paint, write…you have endless ways to be mindful in your very own, individual way.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Why Holding on to a Fantasy isn't Necessarily a Bad Thing

Fantasy

My journey from living with insecurities to living with confidence and esteem has been long. It’s taken leaps and bounds overcoming challenges and threats to my identity but I made it through, partly because I held on to what once seemed like a fantasy.

7 years ago, if anyone had told me that I’d be living the life that I am today, and that I’d be living it happily, I’d liken such wisdom to fantasy. Although I yearned for it, no part of my being believed it. However entertaining the idea of how life could be offered me moments of escape where I could live out my ultimate dreams. The mere thought would stimulate emotion, enough emotion to encourage the spirit to act.

We grow up to be adults with plans and realistic tendencies that repress any thought deemed too fantastical. When living inside the ideologies of society we fail to see sense in exercising this natural ability.

The way I see it, what we have as human beings is meant to be embraced. Our imagination has no bounds, has no limits and has no restrictions. Our minds have the ability to give us whatever we want. Whether it’s that great love we desire to experience someday or the success we wish to encounter, we all have it in us to live it in the form of fantasy.

So what good is this fantasy? It’s not real, what use do we have for it? My answer is hope, and not that hope associated with religion. It’s the hope that inspires courage and determination and gives us the right to our identities free. It gives us the ability to dream and inspires us to locate opportunities to pull that dream into the realm of reality.

Life is fu*king tough, it’s not easy, but we do have something to turn to if we do need some comfort to cope. Our fantasies can be something we fuel our minds with to move forward and push through our struggles.

One thing about fantasy, and it’s sort of warping my mind even thinking about it, is that the imagination; the idea; this omnipresent force that exists within our minds allows us to feel. Feelings we cannot and must not deny.

The empathy we experience as we read a book or watch a movie. The connection we make with others that cannot be explained, and the raw expression of our own identities when there is no fear nor judgment to face. Our fantasies contribute so much to who we are and they give us so much to live for, yet we dismiss them because we’re taught to be realistic.

Today, I want to advise you that it’s OK to let your mind travel, it’s OK to enjoy the bliss and comfort that comes with being free to think and feel without the burden of reality. Hold on to your fantasies, let them fill your spirit with all the goodness that empowers you to become the best that you can be in your reality.

You have to be so much already; you may have so many hats to wear and roles to play in your everyday life. So long as you're not harming anyone, explore your fantasy. Be free, be happy and don’t let the struggles of reality bring you down. This life I’m living now was once deemed a fantasy. Generations once enslaved also had a fantasy; lovers once deemed mentally ill also had a fantasy, and although there may be quite a bit of distance between the two realms, never let go of the possibility that one day that distance will decrease.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Move towards Success: Overcome Holiday Loneliness

Holiday Blues

This time of the year can be a time where pursuing your passions slow down and you wrap yourself up in the comfort of the season. Loneliness tends to creep in as you’re surrounded by reminders of a life not yet attained.

The money you may not have yet, the partner you’re still searching for or perhaps the home that you’re still longing for…The missions you have yet to complete can cause you to feel separated from the rest of society.

Your mind finally gets to break from the pace of everyday life and it is in this season you become more self-aware. In this awareness, you can become overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness and disconnect. Shifting awareness over to what you have yet to accomplish.

Having discovered my passions; an avenue towards fulfillment, feelings of loneliness became far and fewer. I always thought that to overcome loneliness I had to venture onto a path connecting myself to other individuals; longing for companionship and family.

A couple of years ago, before I truly began investing into my own life, I would do just that. I’d get into relationships, typically thinking it would cure the loneliness fatigue. I even tried consistently surrounding myself with loved ones. Family and friends were never too far and yet, I was still buried under the fear of being alone.

I discovered that these feelings had little to do with a connection to other people; I had lost any sort of connection to myself. I was completely lost in my own life, it wasn’t defined and I lacked identity because I had allowed society to define my journey and my successes. I would feel alone during this time of year because the ideologies I was exposed to weren’t representing what I truly wanted. I guess you could say it’s this time of year where you feel more than ever, the force of going against the grain of society.

You often start a new year feeling empowered to make significant changes in your own lives then slowly fade into hypocrisy as the year comes to a close. You allow your thoughts to be influenced by the movement of the masses.

I think this time of year, as the pace of life slows down, it’s more important than ever to focus on your own identity and make the most out of the opportunity this time presents. Loneliness can be overcome if you maintain a pro-active mindset. Focus on your aspirations, remember what you want from life and trigger your motivation to act. Pull yourself back into the comfort of your identity and do not let the weight of the unattained knock you down.

Reconnect with yourself and re-align yourself with your dream. Remember the end of a year does not represent the end of your journey.

PicMonkey Collage.

How to Develop Superpowers

Superpower

Your identity is the force that will guide you to the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Something changed in my life when I ventured out on my own, I was forced to live life based on the very traits of my own identity and as a result, I learned much more about myself and what I want from life. I gained more control over my life and I developed a new set of powers that I never knew existed.

The more I learned about myself, the more I became confident with just being myself. For instance, I learned that I could draw strength from struggle, I found that I could lift my spirits without intoxication and I realised that I can pretty much accomplish anything I wanted in life so long as I truly desired it.

The more my identity grew stronger the clearer my dreams became and with it, the more powers I accumulated:

The Power to Control Time:

When you begin to live life by the very identity that defines your true aspirations, you can develop the power to control time. It gives you the courage to walk away from circumstances that add zero value to your life, giving you the time to invest in your own pursuits. You become very aware of time and how you spend it, and no longer are you a slave to time as you will learn to master it.

The Power to Read People:

The day you start becoming more confident and more yourself, you’ll begin to notice differences in certain people around you. Your ability to understand others grows stronger and you’ll perceive certain people differently. You’ll notice those that are in your support network and those who are merely present for personal gratification. The more confident you become the less concerned you are with being accepted by others, therefore enabling the ability to read people for their true intentions.

The Power to Change Circumstances:

Knowing your identity allows you to really become aware of your emotions, you understand the very things that make you tick, to everything that excites you. You can use this knowledge to affect the outcome of any situation by controlling how you handle it. Furthermore, by turning negatives into positives, you're building the ability to keep your mind focused in the direction of where you’re headed.

The Power to Travel in Time:

You gain the power to see into the future because you become very aware of the path you’re on. Knowing yourself allows you to answer questions about your future, thus allowing you to identify what it is you need to do to make that future a certainty.

No longer will you be blurred by the struggles or controlled by the expectations that affected how you lived your life. You'll have the power to change how you view the past; you can reflect on your life and use situations that you deemed disadvantageous and learn from them. You begin to use your past as a source of strength rather than a trigger for weakness.

The Power to Source other Powers:

Living by your own identity allows you to learn about your own strengths and weaknesses. Therefore giving you the power to source out other individuals who you can learn from, who possess the strengths you desire. Powerful people attract a network of powerful people; it’s like this secret society where money, success and social status are just words.

True power comes from identity and individuality, you become open to learning about different beliefs and purposes. You learn from others to help reach your own destination.

As you begin to break down the walls that surround your identity, you’ll begin to develop these new powers. The more you stay true to yourself and what you want from life you’ll nurture each power into superpowers, and you’ll begin to drift into this new plane of consciousness where bulls*** will no longer exist.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Betrayed by Success

I’m fortunate and grateful to have met success throughout different parts of my life. From my achievements through to overcoming struggles, I can definitely say that I’ve ranked some wins over the last few years.

However, I was reflecting on moments in my life when success felt more like a deception. A time when I was chasing a dream that never reflected who I was nor what I wanted for my life.

Prior to embarking on my own journey and following my own aspirations, I was on a track that society had laid out for me. I did exactly what we’re “supposed to do” and I got the education, I got the job that came with prospects and with all that in place, I was en-route to accumulating everything I anticipated to acquire.

I was living what I thought was an Ideal life; gradually becoming the envy among my peers and looking more and more like the successful people I saw in magazines and on billboards.  Sad thing was, people we’re only noticing my possessions and the way I looked, which crippled my identity and my ability to be myself.

I felt betrayed because I did everything I believed I had to do to be successful.

Turns out I was yearning for a success that wasn’t mine. I was trying to live up to an image of success that wasn’t defined by the life I actually wanted to live.

There’s a major fault with the way society defines success; we’re bombarded with pictures and images, information and content that defines what success should look like. From the way we should look and behave, to what we should have accomplished by a certain age. I was seduced by the generalized messages, targeted towards millions of individuals, to live generalized lives.

The pressure to look successful overpowers the journey you really want to take, and you end up on a trivial pursuit of happiness. To experience and achieve true success, it should be defined by your own aspirations, shaped by a dream you’ve always envisioned.

A lot of us end up blurring our aspirations because we’re too focused on living by the ideologies we’re presented with, when in fact it should be the other way around.

I have clients and friends today that choose to cling onto the same life that I was living and still waiting for that feeling of fulfillment to arrive. I won’t lie, giving a lot of that up to proceed with life by my design was difficult. Although I did feel rebellious and I did feel like I was moving in the wrong direction, the payoff soon came when I unlocked the potential that was held back by desiring a life I didn’t connect with.

I no longer feel betrayed and I emit the energy of my aspirations and my identity. Every day I get closer to living the life of my dreams is a successful day. I have all the perks of success: I feel confident, I feel happy and I feel fulfilled by my achievements.

Determine your own success today and embark on that journey towards your dream.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Cheers to That Little Voice Inside My Head

unknown-913570_1920 Ever had that little voice inside your head whisper the truth about the things you really want, but have the perception of risk and expectation silence it? That voice that wants you to explore opportunities and encourage you to take action, is the voice that may just guide you to the life you really want. Perhaps it doesn't make sense on paper nor to everyone around, but that little voice could very well be your potential talking.

I remember back when life never felt exciting, I would spend more times talking about the things I would change rather than changing them. I often found something to complain about and I'd let a lot of things irritate me.

I would literally have to schedule time to enjoy my life, for instance holidays and moments with friends and family. I remember thinking to myself, "happiness can’t be limited to small increments of time." I felt like I was failing at life.

Initially I thought money was the answer so I worked harder and made more money. That didn’t work; I was still unfulfilled, I just had nicer things around me. I tried getting into a relationship, but I think companionship back then made it worse, because it placed me onto someone else’s idea of fulfillment because I hadn’t figured out my own. Each attempt at finding happiness and fulfillment through expectation and ideology, that little whisper  in my head became more frequent. The more I ignored it the more depressed I got, the more I listened to it the more fear I held on to.

That persistent nag kept insisting that there is something better for me to pursue, that there is something genuine out there for me to connect to. Small everyday frustrations would lead to huge outbursts of anger, quiet moments of contemplation would lead to distraction and procrastination. It became evident that I could no longer ignore that little voice inside my head, the one telling me the truth, because I was no longer feeling nor acting like myself. I was not happy with the life I had built.

When I first quit my "secure job" to move abroad everyone thought I was crazy and at some point even I thought I had lost my mind. I can’t even tell you how much I doubted myself when I had actually made the commitment to change my life. To make a better life for myself and face the truth I was battling was difficult, because overtime I learned to ignore it. When you get good at a indulging a certain behavior, undoing what you've learned is a vulnerable process. I’ve since learned to trust my own instincts and have become more confident as a result, because today I'm more open and honest about what I want.

Whatever risk, whatever doubt I had in my mind, listening to that little voice brought to light the stuff I was really unhappy with. Listening to what I really wanted from life has brought me more success and has made my life easy to live. Life feels full and I actually enjoy waking up in the morning, I’ve even been led to a career I'm passionate about, something I thought I’d never discover.

Every challenge I came across taught me more about myself than I have ever knew before, because I was forced to rely on truth. When I gave everything else up that's all I had left. I built confidence and self-belief from the ground up I feel and I know why it's a journey people must take alone. When you liken it to running a race, it's the runner that has to jump over the hurdle, no one else.

I’m not suggesting that you need to make drastic choices, but allow yourself to be curious and discover possibilities. Don’t let your spirit give up just because you think there is no hope for something better. Try listening to that little whisper more often and you might be surprised by how much of your life your missing out on.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Deterring from “Default Success” to Join the “Happy Elite”

Happy Elite

Growing from strength to strength has a lot to do with the ability to see past what you believe is your limit.

I was sitting in seat 24E on a flight from Spain to England, we had finally ascended above the clouds and the plane had settled as it continued to cruise through to its destination. I thought to myself “how many people set their limits to a certain point, that they go through life not experiencing the calm and stillness that comes with being self-actualized.

I find that many people never get a chance to experience their own potential because they set their limits based on the actions and achievements of other people in similar situations. Furthermore, so many people struggle to think beyond the clouds because they allow their success to be default. Success that is expected by following a standard pattern of living – default success.

The idea of default success halts their imagination and constricts their ability to be the best that they can be.

Rather than working to their own potential, they work towards the potential of other elements such as their education, their environment and perhaps their money and upbringing. I find that the majority of people aim for ‘default success’ because it is safe and it is easy, yet they fail to realize the loss of control: finding it difficult to pursue something they really want because of the fear of failure.

Problem is, safe and easy gets safer and easier and there’s nothing wrong with that,  until there is, when their entire belief system is turned upside down. The moment they've realized that they have missed out on huge opportunities, those moments they reflect on life wishing they had spent more time investing in their passions. Those moments they've realized that they have no idea of who they are. Moments like these affect so many people negatively because life was never truly lived and turning back or starting over feels like an even bigger risk than continuing on an unfulfilled  path.

This happened to millions around the globe during the economic crisis and it won’t take you long to find an example of the many people that chose the securer option, only to lose the very security they believed in.

The annoying thing with people stuck on the belief of default success, is that they repeat the behavior when things hadn't gone to plan, for example: returning to school to obtain a skill, to secure another position they don't really want.

The chase for default success restricts you from joining what I call the ‘happy elite’.

The ‘happy elite’ are people who have the guts to really dream and put that dream into action, even if the investment to begin with is minimal. Those that aren't intimidated by another person’s possessions or monetary wealth. Those only concerned with living life confidently the way that they want to. Investing time in the things that make them happy and surrounded by positive attitudes. Working and determined to make their dreams a reality and free from the fear of failure. Those in the happy elite would only return to school to obtain skills to pursue a passion, with an eagerness to learn and participate.

Life is no longer a rat race, and it definitely isn't about “catching up” to peers nor where I should be on society’s timeline. I’m in full control and I’m piloting this plane straight to the destination I have in mind. The day I decided to really invest my life into what I really wanted from it, also including the process it took to understand and discover what that really was, was the day I became a part of this extraordinary minority.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to Succeed with Confidence - Share Your Personal Life with Your Personal Life.

The day life really changed for me was the day I decided to expose my soul to the people around me.

I finally let out those ideas that I had kept quiet, knowing that keeping them to myself only held back my dreams. When I shared my work publicly, I was able to pursue my ideas confidently and I was ready to take on the perceived judgment and ridicule that once held me back.

It was that day everyone understood who I was and what I stood for.

The day I uttered the words "F*** it" and just poured my heart into my passions, was the day my identity was freed and life became exciting again and I let those passions lead the direction of my life.

I finally decided to accomplish the things I really wanted for my life.

Mindset

I've dreamed big since I was a kid and the day I made my life a priority and shared my identity with those around me, was the day I began pulling that dream into the realm of reality.

Something insanely good happens when you decide to let those dreams out. All of a sudden I knew what I wanted, I was able to understand others much clearer, I became much more instinctive and learned to make quicker decisions for myself.

I was able grow and learn again. Just like it used to be when I was a kid, I was becoming naturally drawn to things that piqued my interest, learn something new and actually understand it.

My dating life even progressed from quantity over to quality, I became content being single and I learned to know what I expect from a relationship (Click here and you can read all about it).

Most importantly, It highlighted the people in my life who really supported me. I began getting the encouragement to pursue my passion, it was support I thought hadn't existed.

I became so dedicated to my writing that negative influence's faded away. I've noticed how people give me constructed advice now and think twice about sharing empty opinions, they know that I'm sticking by myself, thus prepared for anything thrown my way.

I promise you, you'll release yourself from living a life you're not fulfilled by, on the day you decide to share your personal life with your personal life, that day you'll become free to confidently pursue the life you crave and succeed at it.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

You've Got The Power! Pay Attention To What You're Telling Yourself.

Reflection  

Everyday you'll be reminded of where you are in life. Sometimes you might miss the cues, but at some point in your day you'll definitely feel the energy of your very existence and that little voice in your head will begin to raise questions.

Your presence will even stare you blank in the face during a phase of procrastination and during moments of depression too.

Moments of sentiment, moments of joy, moments of neglect and stress, there are so many opportunities in your day to really listen to what your aspiration is trying to ask you.

Whether your present moment in life is where you intend to be or not, you should pay attention to it.

The energy you feel and the questions you raise can be your answer to the very things you desire from life: what is it you want more of? What are the things you want to erase? What parts of life are missing on that canvas you envisioned yourself painted on?

How much of this energy do you use to fuel your drive to win and/or keep on winning? Or How much of this energy is ignored and that little voice in your head silenced, in fear of failure?

Use these short awakening moments to give you the push you've been waiting for. It was by paying attention to these moments I rediscovered my ambition. It gave me the spirit to leave a 'safe' life I had no desire for, into a life filled with passion and fulfillment. Dare I say it, I'm actually close to living the dream.

I sit here now working on the very life I want to be living, I sit here now, with the confidence to say what exactly it is I want from life and I sit here richer in more ways than anyone could ever imagine.

My dreams and aspirations may not fit yours and what makes me feel rich won't be the answers you're looking for. Determine your own success today, decide what it is you really want and leave behind anything you feel unnecessary.

Every individual has the power to go  above and beyond their borders of comfort and engage in strength of mind. Your will is already leaving clues for you to pick up, your emotion is already giving you the answers you seek and your reflection is pointing you in the right direction...don't let fear suppress your identity and allow you to lose sight of where you want to be in life.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

3 Things To Remember When Doubters Cast Their Discouraging Shadow

shadowI often wonder why some people seem to be surprised when they hear about my aspirations and the pursuit of my goals.

Now I know I'm not exactly there yet, but I am on my way. I see my life shaping out exactly how I wanted it to, right before my eyes and I still find myself engaging with people that are still unconvinced.

So, forget them. Right? Wrong, understand them.

One thing I learned about pursuing my dream, is that I'm pursuing my dream. I would often get discouraged or offended when people would speak to me in that tone of voice, you know the one where what they're saying isn't what they're thinking.

Well, what I understand now, is that people can only agree with you to a certain extent and this is with anything. Most people can, and only will agree with you to the extent of their understanding, which is why you will always be hit with so many different reactions.

People place the probability of your dream becoming a reality based on the facts that they have or haven't acquired.  So long as you continue to learn and grow, develop your skills and talents, and are making the most out of every opportunity, you'll get to where you want to be.

Remember, it's a difficult task to get everyone on the same page as you, so don't let what people assume affect your ambition and focus on making your dream a reality.

So long as you give it your all and don't give up, you will succeed.

The 3 things you need to remember:

1. You're pursuing your dream for yourself, whether others benefit or not. Your dream is catered to you and your passions, so some people may not understand it or will have a hard time believing it.

2. You determine your own level of success, so do not let others influence that. Your results are dependent on your efforts, but be prepared to fight off negative influences.

3. Doubters will always exist, because so many others give up. So many people try their hand at pursuing their lifelong ambitions but the moment they give up they pour energy into doubters.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to Overcome the Illusion of Having Zero Confidence

Confidence Society today is blurred by what it means to be confident. People often associate the term with appearance and/or one's ability to socialize and meet new people, but I reckon confidence is what you gain from mastering a skill, which of course takes practice.

I see confidence in everyone, just observe anyone doing what they're good at. I watch a mother who struggles to interact with new people, yet oozes confidence when it comes to supporting her family.  An introverted computer genius may feel inadequate to ask a random girl out on a date, but put that same guy in front of a computer and watch his confidence transmit.

Every single person has confidence and you can find it in those "time to shine" moments of life. Everyone is an expert at something, therefore when you want to tap into your confidence, look to moments when people turn to you for advice and guidance. Where your skills and abilities are strongest is where you'll find your pool of self-belief and what it feels to be confident.

Confidence issue

If you feel you lack confidence, the first thing you need to do is be unambiguous.

I always get asked "how do I become more confident?" I tell you now there's no switch that you can turn on which will make you strut down the street, with your head held high taking on the world. The question needs to be specific, ask "how do I build more confidence in..."

People who miraculously appear confident can never hold onto it. Certain things you change in your everyday life may help you feel more confident, but only for short while. You need to build confidence piece by piece until  specific skills are acquired, these skills will help you overcome your confidence issues in the long run.

Just like when you learn a new sport, you have to train and the more you train the better you get, the better you get your confidence grows.

So don't live life by the illusion of having zero confidence when you really do have heaps of it stashed away. If you ever feel inadequate, timid or unsure it's probably because you haven't acquired the skills you desire yet. Remind yourself of that now and again and build confidence with plenty of practice.

 

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to Avoid Getting Caught In a Cycle, of Being Afraid of Your Own Identity

Cycle of fear

If you really think about it, we're all a bunch of weirdo’s and oddball’s (especially when no one’s around), but those of us that can embrace our individuality are the ones who succeed. Individuality is what sets us apart from those who aren't brave enough to follow their own passions and beliefs. Simply being you will guide you to success.

I sometimes struggle to understand why so many people find it more comforting to follow trends, under the rules of somebody else's judgement rather than sticking by what they believe in and aiming for what they really want out of life.

Many people say it's due to a lack of self confidence, yet I've seen, in fact I have people very close to me that have gone through huge traumas in life and despite all the judgement and negative attention, they feel self assured and powerful because they have accepted who they are. They adopt a fearless mindset because they know there's no point trying to satisfy the expectations of others; they've learned that the only person that truly has their best interests is themselves.

A good way to build self confidence is to frequently let yourself out from your shell until you discover that you are happier being free to believe in yourself. One thing I notice in all happy and successful people is their ability to be themselves all the time, even when they have to adopt a certain role; they never part with their own identity or their own brand.

Homes are a safe place because you’re free to express yourself and be yourself. Life is short and it's not worth living under the dome of somebody else's perception of you, so be the person you are in your safest environment. Think about when you're alone at home or in your room perhaps, when nobody's around to judge you; it is the only time you may feel you can truly be yourself. There's no fear of what others might see because you are in the privacy of your own home, where there is no fear of judgement, no fear of failure, no embarrassment or any negative energy.

Become Successful

A very big factor to take into account, that is if you want to live your dream successfully, is you have to keep the doors wide open and let the world take a look at who you are. If you do not allow your true self to be exposed then you’re only halting your own success because you'll forever be living life satisfying the ideals of others. Ask yourself, who are you living your life for?

If you're trying to mould yourself into the shape of somebody else's image, or if you're trying to mask your identity based on other people's perception of you, then you're going about life completely wrong because you’re basically handing it over for somebody else to control. Fear comes from a lack of control and people with low self esteem fear being themselves. Do the people that judge you, bully you or intimidate you care if you succeed in life? Doubt it, so take back control to let go of fear.

The Truth: it is only you who decides who can judge and influence you and it is only you who determines your own destiny.

My blog is called 'The Lion's Life' because when I began writing it I needed a simple way to explain how life should be lived; with a firm identity and knowing who you are, claiming your place in the world and knowing exactly what it takes to survive and succeed.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

5 Ways You Can Build Confidence in Your Abilities

courage A reason why a lot of people lack the ability to succeed, is due to a lack of confidence in themselves and their abilities. Many talk themselves out of it and others who are already so talented, often find it difficult to share their ability with others.

I was almost embarrassed to share my blog when I first started out, but it was around my 5th post I realised that if I don’t share the words that I write, I'll have no chance of ever becoming a successful. I’ll never know what it is I need to do to improve and grow.

I think the hardest thing was being vulnerable to criticism and judgement, but here are 5 easy steps to help realise your potential and build the confidence you need to share your abilities with others.

  1. Talk to yourself: I can’t begin to describe how weird it was talking to myself, but it helps. Saying what you really want from life out loud really moves that dream closer to reality. Many people have said it before I have; saying what you want out loud is the first step to believing in yourself. Try it, be it in the car on the commute to work or the bathroom mirror, it doesn't matter. Tell yourself what it is you want out of life and how you intend on getting it.
  2. Find Supporters: Before I had the guts to put my work up for everyone to see, I shared my work with close friends I trusted, I then moved into new territories of vulnerability when I introduced my blog to my family. Surprisingly they they told me to go for it, so I did just that. The support helps you push through doubt, although for some, it may be easier to go out and find support and encouragement from complete strangers; a 'like' or a 'follow' can provide just as much encouragement as you would get from your biggest fan.
  3. Always Learn and Improve: We have a number of ways to master our talents and improve our skills, even if we don’t have the money for expensive schooling. There's endless knowledge available at your fingertips: YouTube is a great way to begin, Edx is also a great resource! My dad always said to me “even if you become a Bin man, you must aim to be the best Bin man there ever was” In order to become the best, you need to always find ways to improve the skills and talents you have, master them! I employ this activity every single day, I try hard to improve and grow as a blogger, a coach and a person. Always be open to learning, it'll help you understand more about what you want so that you can confidently engage with others.
  4. Build a Network: Seek out others that share your dream: Want to sing? Find singers to jam with. Want to be an entrepreneur then seek out others that share that ambition... It’s not too difficult, if you look hard enough you’ll find many people who share a similar aspirations as yours. Work with each other and share your skills, you may even collaborate. Nothing gets my creative juices flowing than speaking with people who get what I get. It helps to know you’re not alone and although many may not understand, there will always be a few that do and before you know it, you’re surrounding yourself with the energy you need to make your dream a reality.
  5. NEVER lose sight: Never forget why and what you’re working for, hold onto your dream and never let go. Doubt and negativity will sometimes get in the way but so long as you keep fuelling that fire behind your passion, the easier it will be believing in yourself and to remain focused. I’m always open for constructive criticism and the opinions of experts, it's an opportunity to learn and grow, it’ll keep you grounded and on track with what it is you want to achieve.

 

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Live Your Dream: Invest Your Time Wisely

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Make a Splash! Remember when we were kids and we used to aimlessly jump into puddles, I remember I used to go out my way to find these shallow patches of water to make the biggest splash that I could. I’d get so carried away until I had completely drenched my socks misjudging the depth, but I didn’t care. I remember it being so thrilling because I was doing what I wanted to do, regardless of being told otherwise and each time it felt like some sort of accomplishment. Recently this random thought had stuck with me for a while and I noticed how differently many of us live our lives today. How many of us can honestly say we seek that thrill and want to make that impact? Don’t get me wrong I understand that we have responsibilities now and commitments that we never had before, but surely there’s still enough time to jump into a puddle now and then; investing time into shaping the life we want to lead will positively impact on our lives.

Do we invest enough time towards building the life we want to live and the way we want to live it? We continue to follow the same routine daily only to realize how much time we could have spent investing into our true goals. Things had recently settled down for me and I began to feel incredibly uncomfortable; surely working everyday and paying bills on time every month isn't what people have evolved to. I know there is so much more I want from life because there's so much more that life has to offer. I’m at a point now where I've met a lot of goals and now I’m ready to aim higher. I’m ready to jump into even bigger puddles.

I find it absolutely frustrating when I come across people who are willing to invest more time deciding on what type of partner they want before carving out an identity of their own. I find it disheartening when I see parents spend more time in a furniture store deciding on which coffee table to purchase rather than nurturing the minds of their offspring. I also find it bizarre how people can tell me more about other individuals, but can hardly piece two sentences together about themselves. At what point did this change, we start lives off so care-free and so individual to only have our identities consumed by the routines we follow. Somehow we decide to be a little more careful and take fewer risks; we find more time for the most insignificant decisions over investing time in shaping our own lives because we’re either afraid of failure or just learn that we simply can’t.

I turn to the people I admire today and am in awe of what they have achieved because it all started with a risk. Looking into a bold move and diving into a new challenge, they never allow themselves to become complacent and always aim higher. Never feeling they've hit their peak and investing their time wisely by seeking opportunity and focusing on goals by drowning out the pollution around them. My sister is probably one of the strongest willed people I know; a description of hell would probably sound like a vacation compared to the ups and downs she has faced in life, but nothing has stopped her from aiming higher to prove to herself, not to anybody else, that she can create a life that she is truly satisfied with.

Had a random conversation about the universe today and the topic lead to how minute our lives are in comparison to time and space, I thought to myself, f*** that! That notion doesn't work for me, I may be only one out of about 7 billion people on this planet but I’m going to make pretty damn sure that this “one” makes an impact on himself and actually lives. There’s already too many irritated souls filling this planet with doubt and negativity not realizing that the benefits of today came from the ones who made a big splash yesterday.  I’m not saying I want my name to go down in the history books and I don't adopt this mind-set purely for others to know who I am and what I’m about. I simply know what I can achieve for myself. Prove to myself that this life is worth more than a routine. Life shouldn't be wasted walking around puddles taking the safer route, just jump right in and make that splash!

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Why Insecurities Develop When Used To Mask Doubts in Relationships

Image When a discussion topic turns to relationships, the term insecurities get thrown into conversations all the time. Many people I've spoken to tend to say that their insecurities are affecting their relationships. However during the course of discussion, the case is that people will use the term as an excuse to simply mask and avoid doubts and concerns - ultimately blaming themselves for an entire problem that they may never have caused. For example, if someone is concerned that they are not getting the attention they deserve from their partner, compared to at the beginning of the relationship; many people justify that as an outcome of one’s insecurities getting in the way, rather than investigating where the doubt stems from first. Unfortunately when left unresolved, these doubts begin to develop into actual insecurities that carry over into other relationships.

First of all, here’s what I know about feeling insecure: People rarely reveal their insecurities, if someone is truly insecure about something; they do everything to avoid highlighting it. Feelings of insecurity are internal, insecurities will affect one’s own behavior, personality and self-confidence and it’s a huge self-esteem knocker. Feeling insecure is psychological and often stems from trauma and not from unfortunate situations.

In relationships when things begin to go south we always try to find a way to reason them. We want to understand why a certain situation is occurring. However, what I have found from many people is that they use their insecurities as a reason, almost like a defense mechanism, to avoid understanding the actual root of their genuine feelings. Also, people don’t like to feel their making the same mistake twice, so when they feel that something iffy is recurring, they confuse their emotions and reason with insecurity. It’s easier to admit fault with our insecurities as they are difficult to overcome, than to face up and deal with a relationship that could be on the rocks or even failing. It’s taking the easy way out.

To define those points which trigger feelings of insecurity is to look at the doubts you have, which in most cases means to track changes in behavior, either of your own or your partners. If you’re still the same person in the relationship as you were when you began it, then most likely it’s not insecurities that are making you feel uneasy, listen to your instinct instead. If you had insecurities in your past which you felt were resolved but now feel have been triggered, then you need to define the moment things changed and resolve it, before you begin blaming yourself. If you feel you've never had insecurities in the beginning and now they've developed, then you need to define the moment they began; In many circumstances you will notice that it’s caused from a change of behavior in the other person within the relationship. When we can pinpoint changes, we can then begin to unveil the true reason.

Consider doubts your warning signs, your mind and body will try to tell you if you’re beginning to feel symptoms of insecurity. If you notice yourself becoming more introverted, avoiding discussion and shunning away from the topic of relationships – these are signs of feeling insecure in your relationship, which then can be identified as causing the problems. If you’re openly talking about your relationship and trying to engage in discussion to resolve issues - these are your doubts. Feeling truly insecure in a relationship is very damaging, you open yourself to be controlled, manipulated and your identity can slowly get consumed. Justifying doubts as insecurities can lead feeling like every relationship you enter will ultimately fail because of your “insecurities” and you end up jumping over hurdles and compromises that can cause emotional harm.

Here’s some advice, if your partner isn't helping you feel more secure and comfortable, then clearly the relationship lacks a lot of the basics that make being in a relationship worthwhile. People forget the purpose of having another person in our lives - we need to feel empowered and encouraged by the people we keep close to us, to be surrounded with positivity and comfort and to offer this in return. Either way, you need to feel secure.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Become More Confident: The Confidence and Curiosity Cycle

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Curiosity boosting confidence – the most enriched people I've come across show signs of being able to boost confidence by delving into curiosity. Confidence grows as you continue to understand who you are and what you want, therefore when curiosity is explored you learn that much more about yourself, what you like and don’t like, if you are good at something or not – curiosity opens areas of your own person you never thought or believed existed. The scary part is you need to have the guts to plunge into it first, which is how confidence allows you to be more curious.

Achieve a result: When you finally dive into exploring curiosity, the biggest challenge is seeing it through; people fall at the first hurdle and it tends to negatively impact their confidence. So even though you may have just begun to explore, you need to push yourself until you achieve some sort of result in order for you to gain confidence. Otherwise, you may end up letting yourself down, leading to self doubt – which is how curiosity can negatively impact confidence.

 Confidence allowing us to be curious - Think about when you embarked on something new for the first time: like a job/new business, an extreme sport, even travelling on your own for the first time. Certain triggers led you there, the fears and anxieties often spark your curiosity, maybe it sparked an interest, maybe you saw someone else’s courage or maybe, you know what it will do to your own self-esteem if you ventured into curious territory. These triggers open up your mind, you want to learn and know more so you build confidence by gaining a level of understanding first – often leading to research and assessment. Others, on the other hand, can jump right in based on what they may already know or have experienced. Either way, you go through these steps in order to ease the pressure of the pursuit. As they say – knowledge is power and with this confidence you’re more likely to take a chance.

Take action: When you build your confidence to a level of allowing yourself to be curious - be curious and discover. I’ve noticed I can only build confidence when I pair it with action. You’ll notice that when you bump into people who only appear to be confident, it’s because they cannot pair action/evidence to what they appear to know.

The drawback and gain: When the cycle is fully deployed and you didn't gain the results you had expected, you can still leave with the peace of mind of knowing you had explored unknown/unfamiliar territory. Relishing in the fact you gained some sort of knowledge and understanding something you may never have understood before - be it about yourself or anything else. Although you may struggle to repeat the cycle again so soon, you will do so with more caution and preparation. Going through the whole cycle with a positive outcome, you will only become more curious and more confident or vice versa, and as you repeat the process over and over you will gain knowledge and understanding of whom you are which can only work wonders for your own self-esteem.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

 

How to Connect To Your Goals Emotionally

We all have our own destinations in life and we can always picture how things are going to look: who we’re going to end up with, the lifestyle were going to live, the career we’ll be in or even the house were going to live in. Like most people, that destination stemmed from a visual appeal - the end result is often associated with what has been seen or perhaps experienced by others. Therefore, stimulus that has been seen forms the basis and the desired outcome of one’s own goal. Very simple examples: you see a car you really like, so you picture yourself in that car, driving that car or buying that car, so you want that car – Goal set. Or, perhaps you’re watching a movie and you desire that romance you saw onscreen in your own relationship? You find yourself on a mission to find it – Goal set. You get the idea. I want to talk about the emotional connection that we tend to expect (because of the visual) but very rarely experience or even take the time to think about. How is it going to feel when you get what you want and during the journey toward it? It sort of links back to my past posting on ‘motivation’ and those reminders I mentioned – music made me feel good and put me in a great mood. I want to feel like that when I get to where I want to be, the emotion is real, so I latch these feelings I experience onto my goals. I've always envisioned myself with my successes but I never really took the time to think about how I would feel when I have them. Now that I do - that glimmer of light becomes a lot brighter.

Link your future prospects to the emotions you feel now. If getting that high-flying career is going to make you happy, then when you feel happy think of the career - motivate yourself in that moment and give yourself that extra boost of confidence. Just like conditioning a response, associate real emotions to your goals. Make goals feel more real and attainable; turn them into more than just an image of how you see yourself.

Even when things get tough and you feel that struggle, apply it! Apply it to all the challenges you expect to face in the future and the challenges you will come across. Each goal achieved means you’ll be setting the bar higher for the next one. Life will never get easy, how you deal with it will. For example, I mentioned this to a friend of mine who is on a mission to lose a lot of weight, the work outs are challenging but I told him when he gets his new image, maintaining it would be the next hard part.

Lastly, help boost the energy of your goal by taking real steps available to you now. If you imagine yourself in a big house in the country, then go view some big houses in the country, soak up the feelings of excitement and attach it, then set the objectives in motion to get you there. Take a test drive of the car you want, research the jobs you want to apply for, offer time to the people you want to help. There are always steps you can take right now to stimulate emotion and remember to welcome challenges with open arms too. Because those challenges will make achieving your goals worthwhile.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach