anger

How to Move On From Resentment

Resentment

Image Credit: Nikko

Resentment is an internal pressure. It’s easy to forget that as you direct your emotions towards the cause of this bitter feeling.

I think back to moments in my life, where I’ve resented people and situations in my past and often enough, my own difficulties moving forward stemmed from an internal battle.

When you resent, your emotions clash with rationality. You find yourself in a state of bitterness because your identity has become compromised. Things like putting your life on hold for another and repeatedly leaving your vulnerabilities exposed, can cause you to repeat negative behavioral patterns that go against what you truly desire from life. As you begin to find it difficult to break through negative emotions, resentment makes you act in ways that truly aren’t in your nature.

The way to move on from resentment lies within your will to change.

When you’re steered away from your own pursuits and desires in life, your identity becomes confused. From my own experiences, resentment tends to arise when this realization occurs.

Rather than face and process the internal battle, you’ll often find it’s easier to cope by emotionally projecting your issues onto others and/or certain situations, like getting angry.

Remember, this is your life and if you’re facing any resentment, it’s up to you to take charge and direct change. Although it may ease the pressure by getting angry and attempting to have others feel your dismay, take it as an indication that your identity has risen to the surface and that you’re ready to take back control over your life.

This is a crucial time to be pro-active, rise above the cause and reconnect with who you truly are.

Take this awakening to re-establish your self-worth. Your feeling this because you’ve discovered that there is something better for you to find. Be it a better life, partner, career, lifestyle…whatever the circumstance, a little shift in perspective can turn resentment into a motivational trigger.

Whatever the case maybe, if you are facing resentment, take time away from the cause and thrust yourself towards things that make you feel like you. Connect with your passions, engage in activities that motivate you, do something that you want to do (I personally enjoy a short trip away). As you engage in blissful activities that spark your spirit, you’ll begin to take back control over your life piece by piece, until your identity is fully restored and you’re prepared to move on from resentment.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Why We Secretly Enjoy Getting Pissed Off

anger

When we find ourselves in moments of anger, there’s usually an element of control that’s missing. We fear what we're not in control of, which is why I think this primitive aggression takes over. It’s a way for us to reassert ourselves and regain control.

I reckon we secretly enjoy these moments of rage because they make us feel powerful; they allow us to vent our frustrations without facing our inner truths. However, to move forward happily in our lives, we must learn to overcome fits of anger by being honest with ourselves and what it is we truly want.

It’s no secret that several years ago I used to hold onto a lot of anger. Easily triggered, I would quickly go from a state of calm to an overpowering rage in any situation that didn’t present an outcome I desired. Unleashing my wrath, I would cause emotional harm to those around me and emotional torment upon myself. I hated this part of myself as it did not represent my identity.

My frustrations were fuelled by up keeping outdated cultural traditions, and maintaining and meeting everyone else’s expectations. I was frustrated that I was working very hard to build a life that I was not happy with at all. I felt like the world and everyone in it seeped into my consciousness and controlled me from within. Moulding my identity to fit into ideologies I did not agree with and trends I did not want to follow.

I think flipping the switch and flying off the handle gave me a sense of freedom; it was the ultimate f*** you. I suppose it felt good because it was inadvertently honest. It was a moment where I was unconcerned about anything or anyone else but myself and what I wanted.

Getting Over It

The very day life turned around for me was the day I decided to venture into a life of my own design. When I realized that if I want things to go my own way, I have to go my own way. There was no one to blame anymore, nor was there anything in my way.

One thing that I had to work on though, was my ability to be honest and accept the reasons for my frustrations. It’s difficult to admit when we’re not happy, even more so if others will be affected by this honesty. Being honest is learning to express emotion, its learning to admit challenges and asking for help when needed. Consider anger an indicator of hiding from the truth.

I’ve learned that the more we repress honesty the more we feed our ego, until eventually we build lives where an ego is all we’re left with.

Experience more of that secret enjoyment everyday by regularly expressing yourself in ways others wouldn't expect; be more honest. At first you may experience feelings of displacement, judgment and perhaps even mockery, but once you put yourself out there for the world to see, there’s no need go back. Once you confront and then begin to share your truth, feelings of frustration become far and fewer and experiences of joy become more frequent.

Fight frustration with truth and notice day by day, how much less the world pisses you off.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach