alone

How to Cope With Isolation

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You may notice that I tend to disappear for a while and I hope that the message in this post will help you understand why.

I grew up feeling segregated because I didn’t feel connected to the world the same way my peers did. I remember my insecurities developing because of an eagerness to fit in and become like everyone else. I would find myself trying to adopt trends I didn’t agree with and personas I didn’t I identify with, just to associate myself with what felt like a herd heading towards their own slaughter. Each day I denied myself the opportunity to be me and do the things I wanted to do, I restricted my potential and kept my aspirations at bay.

Although I found success through traditional pursuits, the success never felt genuine. It felt more manufactured and less actualized because it lacked authenticity; it lacked me and my presence. As I followed the rules and marched on like a good corporate soldier, I could feel my identity slipping away.

Living a life I was unhappy with, I began feeling the negative burden of isolation quite quickly. Mentally, my thoughts would always wander into a depressive abyss. Always reasoning with negative thought, I would convince myself that I was alone in feeling this way and that I should feel more grateful and fortunate for my situation, even though I felt like crap.

Physically, I’d become incredibly aware of my isolation. When we’re physically alone it’s hard not to face the emotions we shy away from, so naturally I filled my time with as many distractions as possible: going out and connecting with the wrong type of people, binging on alcohol, fueling my body on the worst kinds of food and indulging on unimaginative TV and media. These were the vices I funneled my misery into.

Needless to say I was becoming increasingly frustrated with the way I was living my life and decided to neglect many aspects of it. From my health through to my relationships, I felt like there wasn’t a reason to take care of any of it. When we face struggles like this in life, awareness and acceptance of the truth is what we must face.

I remember being offered a promotion, or at least the option was on the table and I thought to myself “This is it. This is what my life is going to represent.” There was no excitement, just expectation. There was no passion, just resistance and I’d never felt more disconnected from the aspirations I once held for myself. I’ve always wanted my life to mean something, I believe we all do, and I just felt like I couldn't dishonor my own existence anymore.

What turned my life around and helped me nurture the confidence to make the bold decisions that drastically altered my destiny, was my relationship with isolation. I figured, if the world I’m living in doesn’t understand the way I’m feeling, and I’m feeling like I don’t fit in, then my isolation will be the safe haven to exercise my identity.

Rather than reason with my negative thoughts I embraced them, I lifted up the rug and faced the emotions I had swept under it. At first, trying to cope with them internally felt crippling so I started to externalize my thoughts by writing them down. I would end up writing thousands of words about how I felt and without really noticing, I was developing and facing an awareness I had long spent avoiding. Upon reflection it was like writing a tragic novel and it was about my life! Seeing my misery displayed back to me was incredibly awakening, and I could foresee where my life would end up if I continued to perpetuate a life I was unhappy with. Whenever I would return to my life and exit moments of, what I started to call 'therapeutic isolation', I’d feel uplifted.

Slowly I started feeling like myself again and although I wasn't ready, rather unsure about the next step I should take, I knew I wanted to continue down this path I had embarked on. I started to make use of my isolation to research and construct my next move and change the course of my story. The first step was quite simple and it was to stop fueling my own misery, first thing to really change were the people I surrounded myself with.

In my isolation I felt empowered and excited. I was always exercising my own identity and connecting with stimulus that encouraged me to think freely and openly. I felt my isolation also acted as a form of measurement, of who I am against the reality of who I was becoming. Eventually I began falling in love with the freedom I felt when alone, so I began gravitating towards a life that felt the same way.

I felt encouraged to connect with people who allowed me to think and live as freely as I could on my own. Anything less than acceptance and understanding wasn’t enough for me. I eventually started to move into places I connected with and in these places I seized opportunities that truly spoke to me. Through honest challenges, I eventually found success that did feel genuine.

Today my isolation is my sanctuary: a mental and physical space to explore the depths of my identity and engage a state of flow. Moments to set myself free and exercise my own potential. A time and space to explore and develop my ideas so that I fully understand them first, then prepare myself to confidently present them to the world.

You don't need to feel trapped when you feel isolated, nor do you have to view isolation as a negative aspect of your life. Use moments of isolation to refuel your identity and realize that you can develop a life worth living.

This post was written by Terry Sidhu.

Don't be shy:

How to Develop Superpowers

Superpower

Your identity is the force that will guide you to the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Something changed in my life when I ventured out on my own, I was forced to live life based on the very traits of my own identity and as a result, I learned much more about myself and what I want from life. I gained more control over my life and I developed a new set of powers that I never knew existed.

The more I learned about myself, the more I became confident with just being myself. For instance, I learned that I could draw strength from struggle, I found that I could lift my spirits without intoxication and I realised that I can pretty much accomplish anything I wanted in life so long as I truly desired it.

The more my identity grew stronger the clearer my dreams became and with it, the more powers I accumulated:

The Power to Control Time:

When you begin to live life by the very identity that defines your true aspirations, you can develop the power to control time. It gives you the courage to walk away from circumstances that add zero value to your life, giving you the time to invest in your own pursuits. You become very aware of time and how you spend it, and no longer are you a slave to time as you will learn to master it.

The Power to Read People:

The day you start becoming more confident and more yourself, you’ll begin to notice differences in certain people around you. Your ability to understand others grows stronger and you’ll perceive certain people differently. You’ll notice those that are in your support network and those who are merely present for personal gratification. The more confident you become the less concerned you are with being accepted by others, therefore enabling the ability to read people for their true intentions.

The Power to Change Circumstances:

Knowing your identity allows you to really become aware of your emotions, you understand the very things that make you tick, to everything that excites you. You can use this knowledge to affect the outcome of any situation by controlling how you handle it. Furthermore, by turning negatives into positives, you're building the ability to keep your mind focused in the direction of where you’re headed.

The Power to Travel in Time:

You gain the power to see into the future because you become very aware of the path you’re on. Knowing yourself allows you to answer questions about your future, thus allowing you to identify what it is you need to do to make that future a certainty.

No longer will you be blurred by the struggles or controlled by the expectations that affected how you lived your life. You'll have the power to change how you view the past; you can reflect on your life and use situations that you deemed disadvantageous and learn from them. You begin to use your past as a source of strength rather than a trigger for weakness.

The Power to Source other Powers:

Living by your own identity allows you to learn about your own strengths and weaknesses. Therefore giving you the power to source out other individuals who you can learn from, who possess the strengths you desire. Powerful people attract a network of powerful people; it’s like this secret society where money, success and social status are just words.

True power comes from identity and individuality, you become open to learning about different beliefs and purposes. You learn from others to help reach your own destination.

As you begin to break down the walls that surround your identity, you’ll begin to develop these new powers. The more you stay true to yourself and what you want from life you’ll nurture each power into superpowers, and you’ll begin to drift into this new plane of consciousness where bulls*** will no longer exist.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Living Your Dream: Don't End Up Successful and Isolated

Nurturing your goals on a regular basis requires a lot of dedication and strict self-discipline.  When you're so determined to succeed, you can overlook major life opportunities that will negatively impact your dream.

The opportunities I'm talking about, are the ones that leave you with memories that last a lifetime. Opportunities that shape your dreams and add a layer of perspective towards your aspirations. Opportunities that fuel your determination to succeed.

I have a busy schedule like many of you out there, but one thing I have learnt since embarking on this journey, is to make time to live and seize every opportunities to do so.

For instance; making time to meet up with friends for that drink you've been putting off for weeks. To connect with your family; spend quality time discussing memories and future plans. Making time for your hobbies and your interests, and most importantly engaging in things that make you feel like you.

Being consumed with so much work and other stresses, my writing started to feel like a chore and my work just didn't feel satisfying. The past few weeks I had forgotten how important it is to take time out and live life. It has always been OK to take a break, after all the dream I'm trying to capture may not be so satisfying if I let opportune moments to build a memory pass me by.

Our dreams are an image of the life we want to live, so if we are already skipping moments that we want more of, then we're overlooking the whole purpose of why we embark on this journey  in the first place.

You won't neglect your work to avoid falling behind, so the same principle should apply to your life. So spend time with loved ones, spend time investing in your hobbies and take time out to enjoy life.

My advice: If you want to be surrounded by the things that make you happy, you simply cannot neglect them, don't end up successful and isolated.

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photo credit: Camilla Soares - http://www.flickr.com/photos/skiesonfire/8789192316/

Why The Path To Success Can Be Lonely

Post by VanCityLifeCoach.com

Walk Alone

Working towards your own aspirations in life can be very lonely. Despite having my family and friends around me, I sometimes can't help but feel like I’m living life all by myself, because I'm working towards my own aspirations that others don’t understand or connect with.

At first I couldn't understand why, because even when I was in a committed relationship, at times, I'd still feel very much on my own - because my partners level of ambition differed from mine. It would often lead me to question the entire purpose of pursuing my dreams and I’d start to doubt the path that I was on, because surely success isn’t meant to feel like this.

When you first begin to embark on your own journey in life, you shed the cocoon of familiarity and explore life with your true identity. As you begin to navigate your own life in your own direction, you place yourself in a vulnerable position. You feel this vulnerability very quickly, and you notice how far you drift from the safety and comforts of everything you were once used to.

For example, you knew exactly where to turn for guidance and support - but on your own path, you’re relying on your own instinct and judgment to guide you. As you venture on and the more you succeed, you begin feeling your isolation. You’ve had to learn everything all over again and you become more and more self-reliant and self-content. And because you pursued your passion, nobody is able to hold your hand and walk you through it.

As you achieve one goal after another, you recognise a formula that works for you and often enough, you’re the only one that recognises this and understands it. So tenacity and determination set in which overwhelm your emotions. Then when you have a moment to spare, after a long day of pursuing your dream, your emotions have a chance to surface and you may begin to feel homesick. You’ll feel like giving up because nobody else gets it.

These feelings of loneliness can cause you to turn back to a familiar way of life, albeit unfulfilling. When success makes you feel alone, you must first remind yourself of why you embarked on your journey. Trigger motivation and a positive mindset by remembering why you ventured onto this path and why you found/seek fulfillment within it.

Secondly, you should evaluate your life and determine how far you want to continue carrying this feeling of loneliness. Personally, I’m finding more fulfillment in pursuing my passions than being in a relationship. I don’t feel very alone because at this moment my success is still new and growing; I haven’t achieved a level of success I’m satisfied with.

I've discovered that it’s all about balance, you must first establish a minimum level of success you’re comfortable living with, and make it a priority to reach this minimum requirement.  And when you've met this success, balance your identity by investing in other areas of your life that you have perhaps neglected.

Nurture these neglected areas of your life until they too are bought up to the same minimum-level of fulfillment. Once you have achieved this, continue to raise your minimum. Keep adding to your success, but also continue to build upon your relationships too. I reiterate, it’s about maintaining balance.

I promise you, the moment you give up on yourself during this momentary lapse in character, the novelty of familiarity will soon wear off, and rather than feeling alone, you'll feel empty. The lonely side of success is definitely something you should try to prepare for because it can knock you off your path. It can cause you to feel like a failure, despite whatever success you’ve built.

Remember to take time out to reflect and realize that although you may feel alone now, you're not far from being within the company of your dreams. However, success is very much like an addictive drug, when you get a small taste you’re hooked. Therefore it is important to understand exactly what level of success you’d be satisfied with, because when you get there, you must nurture the other areas of your life.

I have a clear level of success in mind and when I achieve it, I know it'll be time to unite other aspects of my identity; specifically the part that does yearn for companionship. Should I fail to do so, my success would've been achieved in vain as life wouldn't feel successful in its entirety.

It is possible to have everything you've ever wanted in life, but to do so you must set definitive levels of fulfillment. This does not mean that your success is capped or restricted in any way, it simply encourages you to make the most out of every opportunity in life, so that feelings of loneliness become far and fewer.

VanCity