Just imagine how much more successful we all would feel and be, if we could unapologetically self-express, feel safe and secure enough to present our most authentic selves, and communicate to each other honestly and openly.
I’m unsure if you feel it too, but there is a lot of positive energy in the air and I hope all of you are taking a moment to soak it all in. Perhaps it’s because we’re all happy to see the back of 2016, (I don’t think we need another recap of last years events), and that this year represents a fresh new start. However, I can't help but be aware of the fact that we’ve done this before. We start a new year eager and hungry for change, only to settle into old habits and complacent behaviours when it gets too hard.
If 2016 has taught us anything, it’s that we can no longer sit and wait for positive change to come knocking on our doors, we actually have to invest the effort and energy to drive our lives forward, in the direction we want them to go. Fortunately, we can kick start positive change by investing time in personal development, and it doesn't have to be a daunting task either, for personal development works as a cycle that functions in both directions, and we can start wherever we feel most comfortable:
Develop an awareness before committing to an investment.
First off, let’s change our attitude to the way we see the world, because realistically it isn't all that bad. It may seem that way because of our access to information, but that's the force behind change, awareness. For example, we have less racial inequality now than we did 5 years ago, although there is still a ways to go, we’re closer to equal rights for all than we ever have been before #blacklivesmatter. We’re also becoming aware of global elitism, and how a small group of people seem to impact the wellbeing of our everyday lives, both home and away. We’ve become so aware of our ignorance, because we’ve made ignorant decisions fueled by anger and frustration; #brexit #trump2016. Yet still, that’s the beauty of awareness, it makes us curious about things that were once not so clear, and feeding that curiosity inspires us to become even more aware.
As an additional note, even though my personal opinions were so against certain political directions, we must never forget that we’re in this together. We all desire the same emotional experiences in life and unfortunately, these desires can be manipulated and used against us if we’re not aware. If we’re shown something that we truly desire, associated alongside something that seems to get it for us, a lack of awareness can really fool us into believing the association to be true #propaganda #advertising. Therefore, it’s important that we develop an awareness and increase our knowledge and understanding of something before committing to it. We have access to the world's knowledge at our fingertips, it’s time we all realise how lucky we are and make use of it. Let’s collectively become aware of the world that surrounds us, by first becoming more self-aware. Let’s look for, access and accept the truth wherever it resides, and then drive change.
Learn to face and embrace your truth.
The best advice I’ve ever given, can ever give and I believe I will ever give, is to be true to yourself and live honestly. Until we face our inner truth, life will not move in the direction of our truest desires. As mentioned earlier, we are all striving for the same emotional experiences in life and these experiences will not be felt earnestly, unless we’re living true to who we are and how we feel.
Furthermore, our purpose in life becomes ever more apparent when we live by this philosophy. Distractions also become less of a bother and emotional restrictions, like anxiety and depression, start declining. I wrote a personal post not too long ago titled ‘Live Life with Integrity’ and mentioned how I was liberated from a lot of fear and anxiety, just by accepting my truth and sharing it with the world. It set me free to explore life in order to uncover my purpose, to trust it and then stand by it. Living true to ourselves enables us to get on with, and pursue the lives we want to build, and encourages us to make life the best experience possible.
Becoming more aware really does help us connect to and enter this stage of truth, because we soon realize what truly matters in life; we soon become aware of the benefits of living more honestly, not only for ourselves, but for our relationships too. Becoming aware of poverty and war for example, like our brothers and sisters from Syria fleeing their homes for their lives, should make us appreciate the opportunities we have available to us, and inspire us to drop the insecurities that restrict us from pursuing them.
On the other hand, as we start accepting truth we slowly start becoming aware of the things that we’re not so clear before. I personally realized that I was choosing to hold onto fear and that I could’ve let go a lot sooner, had I sooner accepted my truth. It really opened up my mind and made me aware of a world full of opportunity, it made me feel confident to explore curiosity, because I became curious about the things I had once feared and avoided.
Get comfortable exploring curiosity.
Exploring curiosity is one thing that can really propel personal growth and development. Just as children grow and learn by being curious, we must hold onto this quality for the entire duration of our lives. Life is meant to be explored and being curious is the best way, perhaps the only way to explore it completely.
Our awareness increases as we’re curious, becuase we learn more about ourselves, about our capabilities and also about the world around us. Curiosity is life’s teacher and can really help us answer so many unanswered questions, and it helps us to develop confidence and strengthens self-belief. For example, I had a client who was unemployed and believed she was uninteresting and that no one would ever be inspired by her, a belief based purely off of perception. So, I signed her up for a volunteer program she had always been curious about, but never pursued because of her belief. I only encouraged her to feed her curiosity and the rest she developed naturally, today you should see how her identity shines. She never realized how much she actually had to offer people. She was able redefine her personality traits from what she dubbed as “passive” and “timid”, to comforting, supportive, open-minded and kind. Now she’s putting herself through school and carving out a career as a Nutritionist.
We develop confidence whenever we push the boundaries of comfort, and as we expand our comfort zones, we hold onto the confidence we develop. Confidence is all about ownership so as you can imagine, the more confident we become the more sense it makes to live life more openly and honestly, and really take ownership of our own lives. Lastly, we realize that life is much more fruitful and exciting when we’re constantly engaging with something that’s fresh and new.
That old saying ‘live each day like it’s your last’ seems so limiting to life experience to me, so I say, live each day like it’s your first! Make each day a brand new day to get excited about, be aware, be true and be curious, and don’t live another day in vain.
Happy New Year!
Relationships are the assembly of individual identities. They’re about support, equality, balance and most importantly, acceptance. - vancitylifecoach.com/about. Preserving these types of values keep relationships alive, and help us rise above a lot of relationship challenges. However, if these core values are neglected, communication starts to breakdown, intimacy begins to dwindle and we’ll no longer feel understood by each other. Which then establishes the foundation for every disagreement and difficulty that soon proceed. Indeed, it’s drifting away from core relationship values which carry us into ‘breakup’ territory.
We’re all conscious beings full of complicated emotions, and we’re driven by what we desire from life. When two of us decide to align our lives together, we do so because we’re enthralled by each other's identities. As we explore each other’s physical and metaphysical worlds, an intimate bond develops, and makes it easy for our emotions to intensify, and for our personal desires to get blurred. In these moments, we become very present and nothing else matters but the here and now. We want nothing but to hold onto these feelings for a lifetime; we want nothing to change because of how we feel within ourselves.
We all want to be completely understood and want to be accepted and embraced for who we are, and it’s never more realized than in newer relationships. When we meet people who make us feel this way, it’s easy to develop an attachment towards them. It’s about how we feel. We long for these traits because they help us believe in ourselves and help affirm our identities, and this is how we need to feel in order to fulfil our own desires. Being truly understood, accepted and embraced, these are the innate, underlying intentions we all share when pursuing a relationship, because they allow us to love ourselves. If we’re not feeling any these fundamental emotions within, love, generally, cannot grow and the relationship will struggle to fulfil its purpose. Instead, we can find ourselves holding onto an attachment that lacks substance, and that’s when the doubts and uncertainties start to arise.
We tend to forget, or pay very little attention to, our own contributions during the growth stages in relationships. In the beginning, everything is new and exciting, the future is brighter, we’re feeling good and if, by, some sort of sorcery, we manage to become just as valuable to our partners as they are to us, but it’s easy to lose sight of that for a number of reasons...
We become so mesmerized by the other person in the beginning, that we’re not mindful of the conscious exchange that’s at play. If the balance of the exchange is not maintained, and the scales tip in favour towards one person or the other - i.e. we receive more love, appreciation, understanding and acceptance e.t.c., than we give, or, give more than we receive, or, don’t give each other any at all - a pressure or burden begins to amount and that’s when we start drifting apart.
...for one, we live in a world abundant with messages that reinforce a certain ideology of love, and we get so caught up in these ideas and ideals, that our natural intentions get skewed. It’s a wicked conditioning that uses our motivations against us. We’re bombarded with associations of what love and belonging looks like, sounds like, tastes like and what it’s like to touch and smell love. These imitations reinforce a belief that love is limited to our 5 physical senses and as a result, we start moulding ourselves to appeal to these senses. It’s a reason why ‘profile dating’ even exists, and why it’s difficult to develop the courage to strike up a conversation and get to know somebody. It’s a reason why inequality is still a struggle today, because we’ve been taught to believe that love is not blind, that love is biased and that true, genuine and honest emotion can quite possibly be bought.
Political, social and economic conspiracies aside, we shouldn't be entering relationships being understood, accepted and embraced, for qualities that do not represent who we are. Qualities that do not represent the conscious being within (our trues heart's desire). Otherwise, we’ll find it difficult to sustain any emotional connection with anyone, because the core relationship values would’ve been built upon a fallacy. I think all of us can agree that no matter how hard we try, the truth of what we’re feeling will always find a way to surface. The weight of that truth will continue to get heavier and more unavoidable over time, and places a strain on our relationships.
If truth cannot reside within a relationship, how much longer an individual go on feeling misunderstood? How much longer can two people live with misaligned desires? How much longer can an individual live complacently?
However, there are still many of us who have managed to escape the influences of the world and have established and maintained very honest relationships. Breakups that do occur in these sort of bonds are the result of mutual understanding. If we’re constantly being honest about how we feel, and we completely unveil our truths as soon as they surface, then issues are given the opportunity to be resolved. We can avoid a lot of prolonged upset and heartache, if we preserve an environment where we can open up and communicate. After all, a lot of arguments and frustrations are the manifestations of unresolved problems.
In summary, relationships should empower us to explore life fully, so that we can each discover and/or fulfill our individual purpose. When we form a relationship, we enter a mutual agreement based on this very philosophy. We don’t enter them to feel restricted or suppressed, nor do we want that for our partners. Therefore, if any of us are ever feeling this way in our relationships, we have duty to ourselves and to each other to open up about how we feel, and work towards a resolution so that we can each continue to progress our lives forward.
Post by Vancouver Life Coach, Terry Sidhu.
I recently came back from a trip that made me realise the unspoken struggles we face alone, beneath the surface of the identities we present. Having reconnected with loved ones after many years and establishing brand new connections, I came back from this trip more aware of the emotional experiences we’re all striving for in life. Experiences that many of us will fail to achieve, if we continue to overrule what we’re truly feeling with rationalisation. The experiences I’m talking about, have to do with Love.
Love is an emotion that has baffled great minds for millennia, and I’m learning that the only way to understand what love is and the purpose it serves, is to first accept and embrace it. To realize that it exists and that it sits at the very core of all human emotion.
Sometimes I feel my work simply involves reconnecting individuals with love. Albeit helping individuals accept and embrace who they are and develop a love of themselves, through to helping individuals uncover a path that feels genuine and purposeful. Then there’s the relationship aspect of my work, where I help people reconnect with the feeling of love, rather than merely presenting the idea of it.
Although I began my career with a subjective understanding of love, my work has helped me develop objectivity on the matter. I’m understanding that love is an authentic connection to an honest energy, where one feels completely accepted by and accepting of said energy. Love is the most liberating of all emotions, which is why I feel we should navigate our lives by it. Learning about the impact of love and how it can influence even the most stubborn of minds, I finally feel I can write from the heart and of the heart, about this alluring topic.
I feel human consciousness or the gateway to human consciousness, has a lot to do with the awakening of our emotions. I think to when a baby is born, the very first thing a child experiences in life is raw and uninterrupted emotion. I feel my understanding of emotion is that they’re our awareness of existence. I feel our emotions are the true senses of our consciousness, and it’s trusting and relying on these senses that will guide us to the best conscious experience possible. Perhaps then our traditional, physical senses, are the gatekeepers that help us manage and construct our conscious experience.
I imagine human consciousness as a vast garden where seeds of emotion are planted. I think these seeds sprout at birth and from then on, the way we live our lives shape the way this garden grows. For example, a lot of negative life experiences will probably result in an unappealing garden full of negative emotions. Weeds that overshadow or restrict the potential of an appealing garden from blossoming; a garden full of flowers of positive emotion. If we can imagine our emotions in this way, like plants that need to be nurtured, then we can appreciate the value in nurturing positive emotion. Understand the effort it takes to maintain positivity and how easy it is to neglect and let negativity take rule over time. Therefore, to nurture and grow positive emotion, we must make the effort in our everyday lives for positive life experiences.
I use this analogy in order to help my clients understand the work it may take to revive their identities, and manage their lives into the fulfilment they seek. It’s a matter of managing and maintaining our “gardens” so to speak. It also helps us understand that all our emotions exist and are present within us, and just like the plants that grow in our gardens, we need to nurture the right ones. We must work to grow a garden worth presenting; to live a life worth living, and where relationships are concerned, we must develop a garden worth visiting; a life we’re confident sharing.
I’ve always noticed, or rather envied how children seem to have an innate ability to embrace love so easily. It makes me think that love is the emotion that grows in the centre of our conscious gardens. A tree that branches into emotions like passion, hope, enjoyment, confidence, excitement, happiness, liberation and so on. I think naturally we’re supposed to, and are allowed to, live our lives this way and I suppose that’s why it’s said that happiness is a choice.
I think our negative experiences in life and the mass, repetitive messages we’re surrounded by impact our emotions so much so, that we lose sight of our positive emotions. Our positive emotions become defined for us and reinforced by messages that tell us how we have to look and behave. Our gatekeepers, our traditional senses, are so overwhelmed by these messages that we’re convinced that love and happiness is something we must strive to earn, even though they already exist within.
As an example, think about the last time you’ve really wanted to settle a curiosity, or wanted to be spontaneous in life and just live, but you’ve stopped yourself because of a fear of what others may think?
If we continue to limit these potentially positive experiences in life, we nurture and grow negative emotions like insecurity, isolation, hopelessness, sadness, fear and so on, until they take over that tree and transform it into hate. If we can realise that we are in control of our lives, that we are the caretakers of our own gardens, we can actively take charge of how we feel. We can consciously choose to grow love.
Emotions have always been key to our survival and well-being and as the world has evolved, I fear we’ve learned to rationalize or turn a blind eye to what we’re truly feeling. Think about it, how many times have you had to convince yourself that “everything’s fine”, because from the outlook you should have nothing to worry about? You may have built a life that looks good, but how many of you reading this can honestly say you’re living a life that feels good?
It’s really simple actually, because we can easily distinguish what feels good from what feels bad and more importantly, we can distinguish what leaves us feeling good and what leaves us feeling bad. We just need to start listening to our emotions in order to guide our lives in a positive direction. We must learn to neglect and move away from all things bad, and educate and strengthen our gatekeepers to focus on all things good.
My apologies if this post sounds more spiritual than usual, but the happiest people I’ve come across lead their lives with love. I see that they’re surrounded by an abundance of love because they’ve let this emotion take reign over their lives. They love what they do, they love who they are, they love others easily and most importantly, they’re easily loved. How many of us can say we feel this way everyday?
Today we can to stop contributing our own misery, by facing the truth that is rooted in our emotions.
post by, VanCityLifeCoach.com
Happy New Year, folks! 2016 is officially here and before you run out and sign up for those gym memberships, before you start your detox and worry about the debt you’ve accumulated over the holidays, let’s talk about you for a moment.
The world is moving toward a new paradigm and the traditional way of living and earning seems to be changing. You may have noticed how little control you have over your own life, as you cling to the conventional methods of living. Perhaps the 9-5 model simply isn’t getting you where you want to be in life.
You may also find yourself molding and adapting to incompatible identities just to avoid being alone, while life seems to just pass by without purpose. The routine is getting old; Perhaps you find yourself lacking energy and living for those rare moments of happiness and joy as you exist within the bounds of procrastination and complacency.
Though this isn't the case for everyone, maybe you've noticed such tendencies in family or friends, or feel that the instances above resonate within your own life.
There’s a new energy that arrives each time you ring in a new year and it encourages you to seek opportunity. We make resolutions and promises within our lives just as easily as we upgrade our already perfectly functioning cell phones, only to realize that the fulfillment gained from these impulsive decisions was merely temporary.
To kick-start your life and navigate it into lasting fulfillment, you must first deal with the biggest problems that rule your life. You need to resolve the very problems that germinate the recurring, negative thoughts weighing heavy on your mind. It’s time to lift up that proverbial rug and clean out the problems brushed under it. If you're seeking purpose and value this year, then you must work on developing the courage to attain them; unresolved problems break down the courage you need to develop. Your problems restrict the energy required to propel your life towards a reason of being.
Your immediate goals this year should be focused on overcoming the troubles you're facing in life. This year, if you’re feeling numb and lacking satisfaction, you may want to reflect on your behavior in previous years, because clearly something isn’t working if you're feeling deflated and unmotivated.
The longer you hold onto or avoid a difficult situation, the easier it becomes to talk yourself out of an opportunity; your problems will keep you from moving forward. Liken it to being in school, where each problem you solve in a subject- take math for instance- leads to a feeling of genuine confidence and encouragement, inspiring you to move ahead.
The opportunities you seek in life are available to you. Granted, some of us have to work harder than others to secure them, and I agree that the world isn’t exactly perfect and equal. However, working on and overcoming your troubles will make room for the encouragement and determination you need to succeed. The self-esteem you need to build and the tenacity you require can only develop when they have room to grow. Hold onto or avoid your problems for another year, and you’re only contributing to a life you simply aren’t happy with.
So if you’re stuck in a relationship that brings you more misery than joy, repair it or end it. If you’re in a job you hate, don’t work towards the promotion, work your way out of the job. If you’re feeling lost and alone, then work on developing the courage to admit it and seek support, rather than suppressing your feelings in an attempt to appear fine. If you’re dealing with an insecurity, or insecurities that lead into negative behavior, then work to uncover the root cause of it, in order to stop them from ruling your life any longer.
Want 2016 and the rest of your life to mean something, then reform your relationship with opportunity. Make room in your life to seek and secure opportunities confidently by dealing with your immediate problems first. Deal with the troubles that restrict your identity and limit your potential, and fix the problems that keep you from moving closer towards your aspirations.
post by, VanCityLifeCoach.com
As a Relationship and Life Coach, guiding others is a job I find incredibly fulfilling and I’m always eager to support my clients. I coach passionately and as a result, what I do has sewn itself into my identity and has become a part of who I am. As this becomes more evident, I’ve noticed more people within my personal network are coming to me for advice, albeit their intention or not.
It’s difficult for me to ‘switch off’ from what I call “Coaching Mode”. I’m often like a child who has discovered something new about themselves and I’m eager to share it with everyone I run into. Therefore it can get difficult leaving “The Coach” behind, when connecting/reconnecting with people within my personal network.
Think about the number of times friends and family have come to you seeking your advice or opinion. Now, for instance, think about the number of times you’ve had to lie or bend the truth in order to protect their feelings.
Before stumbling onto this path, I never had an issue with saying and doing the appropriate thing in order to protect the people I care for from getting hurt. However, what I’ve learnt about myself and other people through my work and professional experiences, the appropriate thing to say and do, isn’t necessarily the right thing to say and do. It’s a fine line that I’ve become weary of in recent years, as I continue to connect with people in my personal network both past and present.
As a coach, I’m hired to give my honest and professional opinion. I’ve been hired for a specific reason and to achieve results, complete, and sometimes brutal honesty is required at all times. As a neutral party, my only concern is the well-being of my client and his/her actual responsibilities. However, in my personal network, whereby I’m emotionally tethered, maintaining neutrality is very difficult. In some circumstances where I’m asked for advice, support, guidance or even just an opinion, I find myself facing the following dilemmas:
Do I, a. Compromise my work and what I know and do well, just to keep those nearby happy and content? Or, b. Advise with complete integrity and run the risk of stirring up conflict within my personal network?
I’ve learnt that the answer to either question often depends on how I’m regarded among those close to me. For instance, to my parents, as their youngest child, I’m still very much the “baby” in their eyes. Fortunately my clients don’t see me that way, otherwise I’d make a terrible coach, however this entire adjustment has made me aware of two prominent biases that arise when advising friends and family. Biases we should all be aware of when seeking or giving advice.
Bias #1: Personal Gain.
Most of us probably won’t admit it, but we run the risk of advising friends and family based on personal gain. Or, to avoid the perception of personal gain and potential blame and conflict, we also run the risk of sharing biased advice.
It’s often difficult to offer an unbiased perspective when we’re personally involved. For example, think about the people in your life today and how convenient it would be for you, if they changed certain aspects of their lives? Changes although convenient for you, could result it disastrous consequences for them.
Personal gain is something to be very aware of with advice you offer or receive, as there are a number of ‘sub-biases’ that can lead to erroneous advice. Biases such as: personal insecurity, strength of relationship, trust and access to multiple connections within the same personal network, are to name a few.
Bias #2: Nondisclosure.
Full disclosure is important when seeking or offering advice. It’s important for the advisor to develop a complete awareness of the problem or dilemma and it’s the responsibility of those being advised, to make the advisor fully aware. Therefore, complete honesty and openness is required in order to understand and to be fully understood.
If you feel restricted or reluctant in any way, then already you’re adding layers of bias to advice. For example, think about asking your parents about relationship advice, but leaving out all the intimate details of your desires, because it feels too inappropriate or awkward to discuss. Again many of the ‘sub-biases’ that arise with personal gain are also relevant here too, especially when sharing advice among an established peer group.
In conclusion, to avoid, or at least limit bias when exchanging advice with friends and family, both parties must learn how to emotionally detach in order to establish mutual understanding. However, keep in mind that you also run the risk of jeopardising the personal connection too, because once something is shared, it cannot be taken back, and you have to rely on and preserve trust in order to maintain the relationship.
Therefore in summary, establish authentic trust before seeking or giving advice and be aware of these prominent biases.
post written by, VanCityLifeCoach.com
Every single person is on the same page when it comes to life. The details of our individual lives probably differ drastically, but the emotional experiences in which we wish to encounter, they're exactly the same.
I’m happy. Perhaps not all the time, but nowadays I can say with confidence that I’m living blissfully most of the time. I’ve walked away from the dark places I had convinced myself I was safe in, and I’ve stepped outside of perception and sought out truth. Many people make the mistake of “searching for happiness” as if it’s some mystical treasure waiting to be found, but I’ve learned now that the key to happiness is much more internal, we just have to face it and let it out. It was the smartest thing I ever did.
To be happy, I needed to...
…accept and be proud of who I am.
This was the most effective contribution to my happiness. I grew up in an environment of expectation, everything from how I was expected to act and what I was expected to achieve in my life. To follow tradition and fulfill a role I simply wasn’t born to play. As my own identity did not fit the criteria of such expectation, it caused conflict within my mind which led to anxiety and depression...and up until a few years ago, it ruled my life. Today however, I feel free and unburdened, I can confidently explore life to seek answers; I am free to do what I want and be who I am. As a result I’ve found purpose and passion, I’ve learned about myself and what it is I love to do. It all began when I decided to live life by the traits of my own identity, it allowed me to define my own aspirations and as I progressed down my own path, I began uncovering a sense of pride and self-respect.
…find joy in not knowing and embrace the freedom of discovery.
If you look at how kids explore life, you realize the fun and joy it is to discover and seek answers. When I went traveling, I would freely ask questions in order to understand what I didn’t know. Each and every time I learned something new, it added a new layer of awareness to my identity. A sensation that made me feel empowered to explore life further, to immerse myself in the unknown so that I could understand and connect with the world a lot better. I’m not saying travel changed me, but it encouraged me to raise questions at home and in my everyday life whenever I had any feelings of doubt and uncertainty.
…place emphasis on mindset and its key role in success.
I reflect back on moments I first shared this blog with my friends on Facebook, and how much I feared judgement and ridicule from those who thought they knew me. Today I share it with the world and also coach individuals into fulfillment. I realized that if I want to be happy, I should stick with what I love to do. Although coaching is an avenue towards bigger aspirations in my life, I love the process. Everyday, at this current moment in time, I feel I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. Rarely do I fear how life will end up, because however long it may take, at least I'm on the right path. Happiness isn’t something you can earn or accumulate, it’s something you contribute to and on this path, I'm contributing to my own happiness.
…submit to fact and adapt my behavior accordingly.
Living blissfully in ignorance is not happiness and personally I think we choose to be ignorant. They say misery needs company, however ignorance actually has it and plenty of it, and it's easy to join a herd to feel like you belong and fit in. However happiness is personal, you won't find it following trends or chasing myths.
I started my own journey for my own peace-of-mind and happiness, for nobody else. The proof is in my own well-being and if whatever I pursue turns out to be wrong, I've learned to move on until I discover what's right. If corporate gigs made me miserable, then I had to accept that to move forward. I did, and I ventured onto something far more valuable. It took me about 5 years to figure it out, but that time is experience, it signifies growth, it means something, it doesn't feel wasted and I already have so many lessons to share from them and I continue to learn.
Perception can be and often is blurred, waking up to reality and adapting my behavior towards the truth, definitely led me to a happier life. If something is factual and proven, and there’s no logical reason to challenge it, accept it and move on.
…take the time to better understand others.
Understanding other people better and getting to know them for who they really are, allowed me to better understand their actions, their perception of others and of me. For example, I realized that malicious intent was more about an internal conflict than it was about causing harm. We all desire happiness and fulfillment, but sometimes our own insecurities and troubles can make us act out in unintended ways. If you work to understand how much a person isn’t happy and fulfilled, you’ll be able to connect with them and reason with their actions.
If you take the time to learn about someone, you can learn to accept and communicate to them. In many cases, you could probably help them. There’s an empowerment that comes from this, because you begin realizing that we’re all more alike than we’re actually led to believe. It helps you ease the pressure of living with what other people think of you and it makes you feel less alone and more connected.
…overcome fear and make it a priority.
I don’t have many fears today and now I’m currently learning to overcome my fear of snakes. However other fears, like the fear of what people think of you, the fear of not succeeding or even the fear of not fitting in, will soon eradicate if you nurture the “law of awareness.” Put simply, you only need focus on being present and in the moment, for it’s the choices and actions of today that impact your future and control your past.
I’ve spoken to enough senior members of society to conceptualize regret, so get your head out of non-existent moments in time, wake up to now and allow your emotions to guide you through your reality. Which is how I made overcoming fear a priority, because overcoming it helped me regain control. Now I feel there isn't much that can stop me from chasing down my aspirations, especially no-one.
…directly challenge those that threatened my vulnerability.
There are a lot of prejudices in the world and a reason why a lot of it still exists, is because many people feel powerless to direct change. However, if you’re unhappy, perhaps change is what you actually need. I personally grew tired of people trying to understand me through the connotations that came with my skin color. I grew tired of keeping my emotions at bay, because of the connotations that came with my gender. I grew tired of having to accept everyone’s definition of success because I had my own ideas. With tiredness came frustration and frustration led to self-doubt. So I decided the only way out of this endless torment, was to face those that made me feel inferior in any way.
We’re all equals, that’s what I grew up learning and that’s what I ended up exploring and accepting. Any opportunity someone had to put me down, I simply asked them why? I’d respond in an attempt to understand rather than with a negative emotion like anger. When you give people the response they want, they win. Don’t give them the response they want, they’ll provoke. Challenge their motivation and intent and in my experience, they’ll back off.
In situations around the workplace, among your social circles and even at home, attempt to understand, educate and hopefully inspire. I don’t have time anymore for circumstances that make me feel worse about myself. I’ve learned to pay attention to how I feel, my emotions are the most honest thing I can rely on, so I’m going to protect them.
As I navigate my way through life, I may come across a more concise way to discuss how to be happy. However, what I realized as I put this blog post together, to be happy, I never really had to ask for or do much, I just had to allow myself the opportunity to be me, to be happy.
Don’t lose sight of self.
Don’t lose sight of her/him.
If you get lost, work to navigate yourself back to the moment and realisation, to which you felt safe enough and secure enough, to be vulnerable and open with the person you gave your all to.
The world is full of many people who don’t understand you, who simply won’t get your identity and everything you’re about. Are you ready and willing to let go of that one person, a person among billions, who actually saw you and accepts you for who you are?
On the other hand. Relationships, don’t jump in so naively.
Just because the media, society and every other member of influence tells you you’re supposed to, remember:
Only Like If You Have Truly Been Seen,
Only Explore If You Are Madly Interested,
And Only Love When You Are Deeply Accepted.
Otherwise there just isn’t any reason to Do.
Cheesy-90's-love-song reference aside, learn to be yourself and completely open and honest about who you are and let others learn what you’re about. Otherwise, you’re simply leading your relationships into misery. Give yourself the opportunity to find love blissfully, completely and honestly. Anything less or alike is a mere an imitation or illusion.
Love, genuine love for even merely a moment, is worth much more than a lifetime of hypotheticals and regret. Take it from someone who has lived and lost this infatuation and works with the people entangled by this phenomena for a living:
If you want to live passionately with purpose and reason, then you need to access the traits of your very own being. You need to listen to and respond to your emotions, as you navigate your way through different experiences in life.
The journey into fulfilment begins with mindful experiences. You must be and feel fully engaged, in each and every experience you encounter. You must be completely invested and emotionally present through every experience, to determine what speaks to your identity and what doesn’t.
I’ve come across too many irritated individuals living life on auto-pilot, complacent in routine and living numbly. I know this feeling because I used to live this way; a life not worth living, lacking fulfilment and wasted potential.
We’re all beings with untapped potential and within us is the determination and drive to become all that we aspire to be. If you’re noticing that life seems to be passing you by, then you just need to regain control and pay attention to what your emotions are telling you.
Throughout my life, the one lesson I’ve relied upon to stay on track with my aspirations, is to listen and pay attention to emotion. Emotions indicate your truest intent and genuine desires, therefore ignoring how you feel will only lead you into an unfulfilled life and further away from discovering your passion and purpose. A deception that will blur your identity and cause you to drift away from what you truly desire.
Thought vs. Emotion
You can change and manipulate thought, even if a negative thought enters your mind you can counteract it with a positive one almost instantaneously. To demonstrate: if I ask you to think of a Lemon, you can do that without effort. Now if I ask you to think of a Red Lemon, you can also do so instantaneously and change the perception of reality within your own mind.
As thoughts can be manipulated, altered and misdirected so easily, what you think you want, may not necessarily be what you truly want. This is why it’s incredibly important to pay close attention to emotion in order to maintain control over your life. Your emotions are like truth-tellers, they can help you navigate your life towards the bliss you’re in search of, and into the fulfillment you desire. I can’t tell you to be happy because we’re not really capable of altering emotion like we can thought. If you want to change your emotions, then you may have to change your reality.
To discover your passion and to find your purpose in life, you must pay attention to emotion. Your thoughts may rationalize a negative experience, however we cannot fully trust thought as our thoughts can easily be manipulated and influenced. However we cannot deceive emotion, therefore as you navigate through life’s experiences, pay attention to what you're feeling. If you find that an experience contains no emotional fulfillment, then move on and keep experiencing until you discover the fulfillment you seek. Until you uncover your passion and define your purpose.
I grew up in a culture surrounded by sexual repression. A subject too taboo to discuss openly in an environment where dating wasn't even a topic of consideration. Which I found bizarre considering my ancestors nurtured a land of spiritual liberation and sexual expression and exploration, India.
Sex is an act we should discuss more openly and practice more freely, because confidence in the bedroom can help strengthen our vulnerabilities and affirm our identities. It can help us reach an esteemed level of self-assurance, and can uplift our intimate relationships to a level of complete acceptance and assurance. And if we're feeling secure and confident within ourselves, we're more likely to succeed in many other aspects of our lives.
To maintain happy and healthy lives, we must always monitor and maintain balance. If you're an individual that strives for meaningful sexual experiences, sex or rather bad sex, can be an indication of imbalance. Basically if you're not enjoying your sexual experiences and you're left feeling unfulfilled, it could be a sign that there's a problem in some other area of your life.
It is often said that our minds are the most powerful sexual organs we possess, therefore to understand sex and its impact on success, we must first connect to the moments that lead us to meaningful sexual experiences. Therefore we cannot talk about sex without establishing the roles of attraction and love first:
- Attraction = the recognition of a compatible energy, as your identity seeks Balance.
Shed the shallow ideologies presented in the media, and you'll find that attraction is a very personal pursuit. What we find attractive is as individual as our own identities. Who we find attractive isn't just based on just looks, everyone knows that personality plays a large role.
The more open and honest you are about what you find attractive, the securer you'll feel approaching who you find attractive, ultimately feeling secure within your own self. You'll significantly improve your chances of finding a sexual partner that you're compatible with, increasing your chances of finding someone that will help you strive for and maintain balance within your life. You'll learn very quickly, that knowing what you want will help you achieve exactly the success you desire, much faster.
- Love = the recognition of acceptance, as two compatible identities become Balanced.
As you become accustomed to knowing what you're attracted to, you significantly increase your chances of finding love. Love is to be completely accepting and to feel accepted. Two identities forming a connection unbound by convention, but bound by acceptance. Love will significantly improve your self-assurance, because being loved is knowing that who you are is valuable. That small four lettered emotion positively impacts your identity and your personal pursuits, because you've found your ultimate supporter and your biggest fan. That encouragement will guide you to success, by navigating you through the challenges that will most likely arise.
- Sex = the recognition of truth, as two identities performing the Balancing Act.
Good sex, the best sex, is when both/all parties involved can be completely vulnerable, open and honest with each other. Attraction can take you so far but sex will uncover a lot of truths. I think back to random one-night encounters, often they lack fulfillment, because it's difficult to be completely vulnerable, honest and open with someone you've just met. Also the initial attraction may have been a deception, because the sex never measured up against the identity you perceived.
Sex uncovers a lot of truths about an individual, and when both parties do measure up to that initial attraction, sex becomes this awe-inspiring, self-assuring experience you expect it to be, and you begin to trust your own judgment and instinct. You begin to unleash your inner genius and tap into your potential, the very fibers of fulfilling success.
Encourage yourself to become more open and confident around the topic of sex, sexuality and what you find sexy, and begin your journey into liberation. The impact of living a liberated life, will feed the energy of unlimited success.
Image Credit: Nikko
Resentment is an internal pressure. It’s easy to forget that as you direct your emotions towards the cause of this bitter feeling.
I think back to moments in my life, where I’ve resented people and situations in my past and often enough, my own difficulties moving forward stemmed from an internal battle.
When you resent, your emotions clash with rationality. You find yourself in a state of bitterness because your identity has become compromised. Things like putting your life on hold for another and repeatedly leaving your vulnerabilities exposed, can cause you to repeat negative behavioral patterns that go against what you truly desire from life. As you begin to find it difficult to break through negative emotions, resentment makes you act in ways that truly aren’t in your nature.
The way to move on from resentment lies within your will to change.
When you’re steered away from your own pursuits and desires in life, your identity becomes confused. From my own experiences, resentment tends to arise when this realization occurs.
Rather than face and process the internal battle, you’ll often find it’s easier to cope by emotionally projecting your issues onto others and/or certain situations, like getting angry.
Remember, this is your life and if you’re facing any resentment, it’s up to you to take charge and direct change. Although it may ease the pressure by getting angry and attempting to have others feel your dismay, take it as an indication that your identity has risen to the surface and that you’re ready to take back control over your life.
This is a crucial time to be pro-active, rise above the cause and reconnect with who you truly are.
Take this awakening to re-establish your self-worth. Your feeling this because you’ve discovered that there is something better for you to find. Be it a better life, partner, career, lifestyle…whatever the circumstance, a little shift in perspective can turn resentment into a motivational trigger.
Whatever the case maybe, if you are facing resentment, take time away from the cause and thrust yourself towards things that make you feel like you. Connect with your passions, engage in activities that motivate you, do something that you want to do (I personally enjoy a short trip away). As you engage in blissful activities that spark your spirit, you’ll begin to take back control over your life piece by piece, until your identity is fully restored and you’re prepared to move on from resentment.
Your life up until this point; the identity you live with today, is a collection of your experiences, everything you have learned and traits that you may have inherited. Part of being in a relationship is sharing your life with another, therefore it’s important to share your past with your partner.
For one, knowing that you’ve truly bared all is extremely liberating. Knowing that you have nothing to hide makes for an uncomplicated relationship that’s not only built on trust, but built on honesty too.
These two values are crucial, if you desire the components that make up a powerful partnership that carries on throughout the rest of your life.
Furthermore, knowing that there’s nothing left to uncover, allows you to be easily understood.
When I coach couples, I ask very tough questions in order to expose an honesty that someone perhaps lives with, but has not yet shared. I ask difficult questions because it indicates how well a couple communicate and how well people actually understand each other.
When you share your past with your significant other, you’re sharing information that is essential towards keeping your relationship alive. First of all, your partner won’t be spending their lifetime trying to figure you out, that alone can cause complications and insecurities.
Your past reveals your motivations and it reveals your emotional triggers, so just think about how this information can elevate bliss and happiness within your relationship. Teach your partner about the person you are, educate them on your past so that together you can have a mindful future.
The beautiful thing about letting your past out, is that you let it go. If there is a part of you that you haven’t shared with your significant other, then already you’ve begun to diminish core values. And if there are problems at the very core, the effect is felt at the surface (i.e. you’ll find yourself disagreeing and placing significance over smaller, less important issues, more frequently).
Revealing your past also allows you to remain present.
People always argue that if you reveal too much you leave nothing left to uncover, that there’s an excitement to the mystery. I agree, and that’s great at the very beginning of a relationship…a lot of the excitement when starting something new, comes from discovering new things. However, as you begin to understand each other and connect, excitement generates from exploring life as you move your relationship forward. From the mystery of exploring each other’s potential and embarking on parallel journeys towards self-actualization.
You may fear judgment and loss as a result of the information you share, but the whole point of sharing your life with someone, is that you have someone that accepts your identity completely and vice versa.
Society put’s on a lot of pressure and expects you to live up to certain ideologies: to get married at a certain age, start a family, fill a home with memories and beautiful things that elevate their image of perfection and bliss. This motivation is corrosive to your identity and this pressure may force you down avenues you’re not ready for.
A relationship is about the elevation of spirit; to experience nirvana and to engage you in fulfilling your purpose. You won’t get that until you give yourself completely. All the other things that you progress into (i.e. the home, the family etc.) merely become extensions of a growing relationship, not the definition of one.
Lastly and most importantly, sharing your past allows you to communicate confidently. It lessens the impact of misinterpretation and allows you to remain honest and maintain trust.
Sometimes when we’re focused on attaining success, crucial parts of our lives get neglected. We also justify the things we neglect, by telling ourselves that we’ll place priority on them once we have achieved what we have set out to achieve. One thing I’ve learnt, is that if we don’t make these things a priority in our lives today, we’ll soon realize the burden of our actions.
Here’s 5 things that we must maintain in our lives to ensure that we attain success in a healthy and fulfilling manner.
- Health and Wellness
Health and wellness is the single most important thing in our lives. We must ensure that we make time for ourselves and that we look after our bodies. After all, we can attain all the success in the world, but it’ll mean nothing if we’re not healthy enough to enjoy it. The more success we build the more indestructible we feel, but that illusion will wear off the moment our bodies are overwhelmed and overrun by neglect.
I’m currently trialing an all organic diet and already I feel more energetic and awake. I also used to schedule exercise around my work, now I’ve shifted my schedule to work around my yogic goals.
- Home/Work Space
Whatever stage of success we’re at, our spaces are a reflection of our journey. The cleaner and organised our personal spaces are, the more productive we’re going to be. We’ll want to work in these spaces and spend less time wanting to get away or escape.
I once spent an entire day printing pictures and putting them up in frames around my house. At first I felt like I was wasting a day, but now my space serves a motivational gallery of things I’m grateful for and the aspirations I hold.
Family, friends and partners are our immediate support network, they encourage us and support us when we need it. It’s easy to forget how much influence these people have on our success, without them we wouldn't have anyone to share success with.
One of my most popular posts to date is on success and loneliness, it has climbed the search engine ranks and continues to get more hits day by day. Nurture your relationships and make time for them, don’t end up successful and isolated.
- Social and Recreational activities
Make time to have fun and socialize with others. Social and recreational activities lift our spirits and help us relieve stress. They are a crucial component towards maintaining a positive mindset.
When I’m writing I have to be alone, but I must balance all this alone time by connecting with others. Making time to have fun and gathering with others keeps our identities engaged and our lives fulfilled. You’ve heard of the saying ‘work hard, play hard’ to me it connotes balance. Don’t let all your hard work end up in vain because you've made no time to enjoy life.
The most fulfilled people I’ve come across tend to be the most expressive.
Our emotions are our guide towards fulfillment. If we fall into a habit of focusing on our success and repressing our emotions, we can be led astray from where we actually want to be in life. When we deal with an emotion, we spend time evaluating and reflecting, it’s a process that helps keep us aligned with our aspirations.
Your emotions are the rawest form of honesty, so listen to them they’ll guide you where you need to go. Process your emotions as and when they arise so you don’t end up building a life you’re not fulfilled by.
It's easy to forget the significance of these things in our lives and if we don't start making these things a priority now, we'll end up losing touch with them later.
Post by VanCityLifeCoach.com
“Attachment is the root of suffering.” - The Buddha
I’ve been reading a lot about detachment, or non-attachment if you rather and like most, I've always believed the philosophy of detachment simply meant not letting material possessions have rule over your life. Which I guess is true, but teachings suggest that detachment roots much deeper than that. That one must detach oneself from people, emotions, thoughts and desires…basically, all the things we latch onto that give our lives meaning and purpose are none and void, if we wish to experience true freedom; liberation.
I was beginning to feel a little bewildered by the concept because it conflicted with a lot of my own ideas and beliefs. For one, I thoroughly enjoy connecting with people, so does this also mean that love keeps us from ever reaching this experience too?
After raising more questions and failing to firmly grasp the concept, I continued on with my day. It was only when I began my daily meditation that the concept re-entered my mind. As I sat there, cross-legged and awkwardly ready to achieve stillness and serenity, I was overcome by answers.
Detachment doesn’t necessarily mean living life a recluse and closing off connections and interactions to the world around us. Nor does it mean finding a spiritual place to live out the rest of our days trying to reach a higher level on consciousness. I began recognizing detachment as building a more mindful relationship with life, and how that journey towards mindfulness begins from within.
I always talk about identity and living life by the true values of who you are, by doing so you guide your life in a more fulfilled direction. I still believe this and it aligns with everything I’ve learned recently too.
Detachment is not about creating distance, I feel it’s more about understanding the true significance of life so that we better connect to it. For instance what do my possessions mean to me? Well if you think about it, they don’t actually mean anything. As a living organism; as a force of life, my possessions really have no value.
So feeling like I learned something amazing, I shared this conclusion with a friend of mine and he said “well what if you were on a life support machine, you’d need that wouldn't you?” Ah...that got me thinking and the thought kept me up for a couple of nights as my mind was once again riddled.
A few days had passed and I was writing a letter to a client of mine. I was fully engaged in a state of flow and out of nowhere I found the response to my friend’s question: ‘Well why am I, or would I, be afraid to die?’ That one realization blew my understanding of attachment wide open, particularly how attachment causes us to fear/avoid one of life’s uncomplicated and inevitable outcomes. At that moment I felt completely present. I finally understood the significance of detachment and how it fits in with life’s most basic principles, right up there with death and breathing.
I started to look at my life much more closely, everything from brushing my teeth in the morning through to picking up my nephew for a cuddle after work. What does it all mean to life, not my life, just life in general? My nephew has only existed for several months and now I feel I can’t live without him…how and why does this impact my life so much? How and why does this rule my life? Each answer only raised these same questions.
The more I broke down my life and especially as I delved into my past, I noticed how little control and influence I had over it. I clearly wasn’t grasping what life meant at all. I was living life attached and as a result, I was indeed suffering: from my lack of confidence (controlled by what other people thought of me), to the fear of paving my own path (expectations from and responsibilities to those around me)...it all made complete sense.
I’m thinking that maybe we could all use a little less attachment in our lives, to step away and embrace actual life. Maybe I’ve got it completely lost in translation or just maybe, I’ve stumbled upon the beginning of something more definitive for myself.
I am also realizing that detachment has just as much, if not more to do with the physical realm than it does with the spiritual. I think detachment isn’t this glorious concept that I’ve always thought it to be, I think the true beauty and power behind this philosophy lies within its simplicity.
Either way, this recent experience has at the very least, taught me to keep my mind and my eyes wide open; to be more mindful and aware, and that outcome alone is priceless.
Have you ever wondered how much of your life is man-made? Ever considered how much of your life is driven by man-made philosophies that guide your choices, mould your identity and overrun your emotions and natural desires?
Take the institution of marriage for example, it’s not necessarily an innate desire, we’re taught to long for this lawful union. Religion too, people submit lives, generations even, towards words written by man. Our careers maybe, are they driven by our thirst for power and purpose or do we slave away for the sake of climbing a social ladder?
I was on a date a few weeks ago and the girl I met was nice enough, she was pretty, very intelligent and I would say she was text-book perfect. Problem was, I found her very reserved, afraid to open up and let out what she truly wanted from life. It seemed she was conditioned to believe marriage was one of life’s natural wonders, so when I posed the question, “What if the entire concept of marriage didn’t exist, what would be your drive for companionship?” She stared at me with the blankest expression as if her mind had been formatted, I felt like I had insulted her.
It got me thinking about how many people in my life have very similar views, I don’t think a week goes by where a family member or a friend asks me about my marital status or how many digits occupy my bank account. Is it not enough to just accept that I’m happy, healthy and human, surrounded by a truck load of love and that I now live with a mountain sized passion for life? It’s like many cannot accept that I could arrive at this level of fulfillment without having followed certain ideologies.
Is it that difficult to comprehend, that we can drive ourselves simply by the honesty we carry in our emotions? That life is actually a lot simpler outside the flow of man-made principles.
I’m beginning to wonder if humanity has lost touch with the very things that make us human. How is anyone supposed to reach self-actualization and fulfilment, if we’re so conditioned to live life dictated by man-made values, popular movements and lean our desires towards marketable trends?
OK, maybe I’m heading off on a frustrated tangent here, but think about it, when was the last time you did something unstructured and genuinely honest? How much of your life is innately motivated?
Give yourself the opportunity to ponder this thought and tap into your true intent, before making your next life decision.
They say love can make you do crazy things and if you’ve ever experienced it you’d probably agree. The emotion is so powerful that it has an overwhelming impact on your identity. When I think about it, I could probably push myself to do a lot of senseless things for the people I love. When an overwhelming power like that takes over you, you realize the force and the significance of emotion.
Guilt is an emotion that, if given enough attention, can harness the power of your true identity and direct you towards positive change.
When guilt arises, it’s very easy at first to deny it. It’s easy to just push it aside into the darkest quarters of your mind as you indulge in one distraction after another. It’s not easy to forget a powerful emotion like that and by battling against it you deceive yourself, causing you to embrace and justify inner torment.
A weight difficult to shed, it can really keep you down from progressing in any positive direction in life. What you may not realize, guilt can be the biggest reveal of your identity and you can use this emotion to navigate yourself towards becoming the best that you can be. Although you may not want to admit it, but honesty is the policy you need to adopt here. Be honest about how you feel, be honest about why you’re guilty and be honest about wanting to overcome this guilt.
Guilt is one of those powerful emotions that allow you to reveal your identity or cause you to lock it away. When you experience true and life altering emotion, you're required to take responsibility for yourself.
Just as you have to reveal your aspirations to the world in order to achieve them, you must allow your guilt to rise in order to harness its power towards positive change. It’s also crucial to admit that you want to stop feeling guilty. It can feel ironic, but it if you apply positive thought, you present yourself an opportunity to develop positive change.
Processing your guilt causes you to evaluate and reflect, it causes you to face awareness and challenge the identity you've been living with. Powerful emotions like love and guilt have such an effect because they expose your truth. They reveal the most vulnerable parts of your identity and it’s within this vulnerability you’re able to connect to your true self.
When you choose to turn away from powerful emotions, you choose to deny who you really are and what you truly want. You begin to destruct your own identity, probably beyond recognition as you stray further away from fulfillment.
Remember, we are all flawed beings and perfection is an illusion that halts evolution. Hiding or turning away from your emotions because of mistakes and misdirection will only restrict your ability to find peace of mind. Keep you from making the changes you need and want to make in your life.
Every single one of us has the ability to be great, after all we feel the same emotions. What separates those who achieve genuine greatness and those who do not, is how emotions are harnessed.
Guilt allows you the opportunity to learn about yourself, it reminds you of your humanity and your desire to connect with others. Guilt is a chance to discover reason and purpose. Guilt is an opportunity to better your life so that when you do, you can make healthy amends.
Give yourself this opportunity to make positive changes and return to the world proving that you have learned, experienced and are repentant. It was Ghandi that said “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him.”
This time of the year can be a time where pursuing your passions slow down and you wrap yourself up in the comfort of the season. Loneliness tends to creep in as you’re surrounded by reminders of a life not yet attained.
The money you may not have yet, the partner you’re still searching for or perhaps the home that you’re still longing for…The missions you have yet to complete can cause you to feel separated from the rest of society.
Your mind finally gets to break from the pace of everyday life and it is in this season you become more self-aware. In this awareness, you can become overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness and disconnect. Shifting awareness over to what you have yet to accomplish.
Having discovered my passions; an avenue towards fulfillment, feelings of loneliness became far and fewer. I always thought that to overcome loneliness I had to venture onto a path connecting myself to other individuals; longing for companionship and family.
A couple of years ago, before I truly began investing into my own life, I would do just that. I’d get into relationships, typically thinking it would cure the loneliness fatigue. I even tried consistently surrounding myself with loved ones. Family and friends were never too far and yet, I was still buried under the fear of being alone.
I discovered that these feelings had little to do with a connection to other people; I had lost any sort of connection to myself. I was completely lost in my own life, it wasn’t defined and I lacked identity because I had allowed society to define my journey and my successes. I would feel alone during this time of year because the ideologies I was exposed to weren’t representing what I truly wanted. I guess you could say it’s this time of year where you feel more than ever, the force of going against the grain of society.
You often start a new year feeling empowered to make significant changes in your own lives then slowly fade into hypocrisy as the year comes to a close. You allow your thoughts to be influenced by the movement of the masses.
I think this time of year, as the pace of life slows down, it’s more important than ever to focus on your own identity and make the most out of the opportunity this time presents. Loneliness can be overcome if you maintain a pro-active mindset. Focus on your aspirations, remember what you want from life and trigger your motivation to act. Pull yourself back into the comfort of your identity and do not let the weight of the unattained knock you down.
Reconnect with yourself and re-align yourself with your dream. Remember the end of a year does not represent the end of your journey.
Post by VanCityLifeCoach.com
The notion that science finds difficult to explain becomes a hot topic in relationships. How it’s an inexplicable feeling that many strive to find and experience. However the more I understood, falling in love was hardly limited to just relationships.
As the conversation unraveled, people spoke about love in many different ways. I discovered that love applies to many different facets of life.
I concluded, that love was a word used to describe a genuine connection to another energy. Be it a person or people, destiny and passions, past, present and even future. It’s that definite recognition of life and how we’re supposed to live it.
A Narcissistic Paradigm
As we all spoke about love, it was always about how it “made me feel” or how “I felt” being “in love.” Powerful, accepted, right, natural, excited, obsessed, nervous, anxious, fearful, happy, blissful, safe….the words people used went on and on.
Although linked to another energy, the conversation about love was always about how we felt about ourselves. I too was trending this same connotation; the recurring theme around love seemed to promote the elevation of self. I expect this is why love is so incredibly personal.
I sort of stepped out of the conversation for a moment and in my silence, I began thinking about love in everything else outside of relationships.
My mind hung on the words people used to define love, they were exactly how I felt about my passions and how I felt about where my life was headed. Every time I think about the path I’m on, I feel elevated. The same way I feel about those I love, is just the same as when I relive some of my most cherished memories. From travelling through to random life events that left an impression on my life, and even how I feel when working on my passions today. Love was and is clearly present.
I guess love is the realisation of fulfillment. The only way we’re going to discover it, is to get in touch with our emotions and evaluate how we feel. I suppose the only way to find love in anything we do is to truly focus on oneself; by being honest, open-minded and aware. Only when we understand ourselves can we begin to understand others and identify the life we should embark on.
The Application of Love to Life.
Love is dynamic and I left that night thinking how we shouldn’t just apply it to only a few features of life. We should strive to find love in all and everything that we do.
After all if love feels so good, then why limit ourselves to finding love in just relationships? We should aim to fall in love with all parts our lives and not quit the search until we find it universally.
I love what I do with my work; my blog and my book and all the other things I’m finding fulfillment in. I love helping and inspiring others, it’s probably why I invest so much time nurturing and protecting my work.
People go their entire lives focusing on finding love. However, they embark on a cryptic journey to find another person. Love comes in abundance, in many different forms, ready to be discovered everywhere, in all that we do. So why not apply the search for this powerful sensation onto everything we do?
We shouldn’t neglect other parts of our lives solely because society limits the concept of love to a Hollywood story. Let’s not let our lives be wasted on simply existing, let’s give our all to everything. Yes, find love in our relationships, but find it in our passions and find it in ourselves too.
Love is infinite, available anywhere and everywhere. It’s probably why we can always fall out and back into love. It’s probably why we can never really peak in life either, so long as you’ve found something, anything worth living for, you’ve found love.
Here’s a secret, that’s not so secret, being completely aware of yourself and aware of the world you live in can get you to where you want to be and what you want from life.
I don’t dismiss the Law of attraction, and for me I think it’s a great notion for those embarking on a journey towards their desires. As it helps people visualize what it is they want, people begin to understand the power of belief, and if you believe in something so much, one way or another you’re going to find a way to justify and preserve that belief.
Problem is what I want and what I truly want are two very different things.
Beliefs are empty without action taken towards them, those that are self-aware build their beliefs based on their own identity, not what they are led to believe. If you read my previous post on success, I share an experience of my own.
The power of awareness and its role in life is fundamental when shaping your aspirations and desires. It answers more questions, it challenges your desires and builds your spirit up ready to fight for it. It allows you to access your full potential so that you can really make a significant impact on your own life.
“So Terry, how does one become more self-aware?”
Well, to simplify it as much as possible you have to look at the concept first from an internal perspective and then externally.
Awareness of yourself is crucial, how many of us can truly say we’re very aware of our actions, of our behaviors and its impact on our own identity or that of others? To become aware of it, I say question everything. What motivated me to say that? Why do I believe this? How can I change this? Why do I desire this? Each question you discover the answer to unveils much more about your identity, such as your motivations for instance.
I walk down the street every day and see people unaware of their very existence – following routines and holding back emotions, becoming numb to the world around them. People failing to be present in the moment of opportunity because they live life with blinders on, only understanding the rules society laid out for them.
Don’t focus on the shiny new car until you’re feeling like the person driving it, don’t focus on that massive new home unless you’ve found an avenue that gives you fulfillment and the time to actually enjoy it, and to spend time with the family you perhaps built/want to build. Rather, use these desires as anchors, motivational triggers if you will.
There’s also those that seem to be more aware of other peoples opinions of themselves but completely dismayed by their own will for change. Buried under the pressure to fit in rather than the longing to proceed on a journey towards acceptance, often of self.
I’ve stopped a lot of indulgences over the last year, primarily because I’m becoming more and more aware of myself and my behavior. It doesn't even feel like I’ve changed, it feels like I’ve shed layers of false desires built up by the lack of self-awareness I had. Only now to end up in a position where my true desires are exposed and prepared to attract the very things I truly want in my life.
Attraction works both ways, being consciously aware of myself allows me to search and find the very things that excite and stimulate different parts of my identity. Knowing that gives me so much more clarity on the things I truly desire in my life. They lead me to the awareness of my external environment.
Awareness of your environment; I sometimes speak to old friends from years ago and they talk about how bold of a decision it was for me to leave everything behind and leave for a new life. But I had them understand that the day I became aware of where my life was heading in my current circumstances, my circumstances had to change and it was the easiest decision I ever made.
My current environment at that time did not cater to the opportunities I was waiting for so I had to go out into the big bad world and find them. I grew tired of the company I kept because I never felt inspired, challenged nor fulfilled by the identities around me. It sounds awful but it’s true and it’s not because I consider myself superior in any shape or form, it’s just that my desires in life differed significantly.
How was I to attract the things I wanted in my life if I stayed in an environment that neither catered to nor contributed to my aspirations.
Awareness will work much more in your favor, it requires you to think objectively and act subjectively. I built a stronger bond with my desires and now they’re leading me to places of lasting fulfillment, to places I never even envisioned.