How to Cope With Isolation

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You may notice that I tend to disappear for a while and I hope that the message in this post will help you understand why.

I grew up feeling segregated because I didn’t feel connected to the world the same way my peers did. I remember my insecurities developing because of an eagerness to fit in and become like everyone else. I would find myself trying to adopt trends I didn’t agree with and personas I didn’t I identify with, just to associate myself with what felt like a herd heading towards their own slaughter. Each day I denied myself the opportunity to be me and do the things I wanted to do, I restricted my potential and kept my aspirations at bay.

Although I found success through traditional pursuits, the success never felt genuine. It felt more manufactured and less actualized because it lacked authenticity; it lacked me and my presence. As I followed the rules and marched on like a good corporate soldier, I could feel my identity slipping away.

Living a life I was unhappy with, I began feeling the negative burden of isolation quite quickly. Mentally, my thoughts would always wander into a depressive abyss. Always reasoning with negative thought, I would convince myself that I was alone in feeling this way and that I should feel more grateful and fortunate for my situation, even though I felt like crap.

Physically, I’d become incredibly aware of my isolation. When we’re physically alone it’s hard not to face the emotions we shy away from, so naturally I filled my time with as many distractions as possible: going out and connecting with the wrong type of people, binging on alcohol, fueling my body on the worst kinds of food and indulging on unimaginative TV and media. These were the vices I funneled my misery into.

Needless to say I was becoming increasingly frustrated with the way I was living my life and decided to neglect many aspects of it. From my health through to my relationships, I felt like there wasn’t a reason to take care of any of it. When we face struggles like this in life, awareness and acceptance of the truth is what we must face.

I remember being offered a promotion, or at least the option was on the table and I thought to myself “This is it. This is what my life is going to represent.” There was no excitement, just expectation. There was no passion, just resistance and I’d never felt more disconnected from the aspirations I once held for myself. I’ve always wanted my life to mean something, I believe we all do, and I just felt like I couldn't dishonor my own existence anymore.

What turned my life around and helped me nurture the confidence to make the bold decisions that drastically altered my destiny, was my relationship with isolation. I figured, if the world I’m living in doesn’t understand the way I’m feeling, and I’m feeling like I don’t fit in, then my isolation will be the safe haven to exercise my identity.

Rather than reason with my negative thoughts I embraced them, I lifted up the rug and faced the emotions I had swept under it. At first, trying to cope with them internally felt crippling so I started to externalize my thoughts by writing them down. I would end up writing thousands of words about how I felt and without really noticing, I was developing and facing an awareness I had long spent avoiding. Upon reflection it was like writing a tragic novel and it was about my life! Seeing my misery displayed back to me was incredibly awakening, and I could foresee where my life would end up if I continued to perpetuate a life I was unhappy with. Whenever I would return to my life and exit moments of, what I started to call 'therapeutic isolation', I’d feel uplifted.

Slowly I started feeling like myself again and although I wasn't ready, rather unsure about the next step I should take, I knew I wanted to continue down this path I had embarked on. I started to make use of my isolation to research and construct my next move and change the course of my story. The first step was quite simple and it was to stop fueling my own misery, first thing to really change were the people I surrounded myself with.

In my isolation I felt empowered and excited. I was always exercising my own identity and connecting with stimulus that encouraged me to think freely and openly. I felt my isolation also acted as a form of measurement, of who I am against the reality of who I was becoming. Eventually I began falling in love with the freedom I felt when alone, so I began gravitating towards a life that felt the same way.

I felt encouraged to connect with people who allowed me to think and live as freely as I could on my own. Anything less than acceptance and understanding wasn’t enough for me. I eventually started to move into places I connected with and in these places I seized opportunities that truly spoke to me. Through honest challenges, I eventually found success that did feel genuine.

Today my isolation is my sanctuary: a mental and physical space to explore the depths of my identity and engage a state of flow. Moments to set myself free and exercise my own potential. A time and space to explore and develop my ideas so that I fully understand them first, then prepare myself to confidently present them to the world.

You don't need to feel trapped when you feel isolated, nor do you have to view isolation as a negative aspect of your life. Use moments of isolation to refuel your identity and realize that you can develop a life worth living.

This post was written by Terry Sidhu.

Don't be shy:

Reform Your Relationship with Opportunity

post by, VanCityLifeCoach.com

Overcoming problems

Happy New Year, folks! 2016 is officially here and before you run out and sign up for those gym memberships, before you start your detox and worry about the debt you’ve accumulated over the holidays, let’s talk about you for a moment.

The world is moving toward a new paradigm and the traditional way of living and earning seems to be changing. You may have noticed how little control you have over your own life, as you cling to the conventional methods of living. Perhaps the 9-5 model simply isn’t getting you where you want to be in life.

You may also find yourself molding and adapting to incompatible identities just to avoid being alone, while life seems to just pass by without purpose. The routine is getting old; Perhaps you find yourself lacking energy and living for those rare moments of happiness and joy as you exist within the bounds of procrastination and complacency.

Though this isn't the case for everyone, maybe you've noticed such tendencies in family or friends, or feel that the instances above resonate within your own life. 

There’s a new energy that arrives each time you ring in a new year and it encourages you to seek opportunity. We make resolutions and promises within our lives just as easily as we upgrade our already perfectly functioning cell phones, only to realize that the fulfillment gained from these impulsive decisions was merely temporary.

To kick-start your life and navigate it into lasting fulfillment, you must first deal with the biggest problems that rule your life. You need to resolve the very problems that germinate the recurring, negative thoughts weighing heavy on your mind. It’s time to lift up that proverbial rug and clean out the problems brushed under it. If you're seeking purpose and value this year, then you must work on developing the courage to attain them; unresolved problems break down the courage you need to develop. Your problems restrict the energy required to propel your life towards a reason of being.

Your immediate goals this year should be focused on overcoming the troubles you're facing in life. This year, if you’re feeling numb and lacking satisfaction, you may want to reflect on your behavior in previous years, because clearly something isn’t working if you're feeling deflated and unmotivated.

The longer you hold onto or avoid a difficult situation, the easier it becomes to talk yourself out of an opportunity; your problems will keep you from moving forward. Liken it to being in school, where each problem you solve in a subject- take math for instance- leads to a feeling of genuine confidence and encouragement, inspiring you to move ahead.

The opportunities you seek in life are available to you. Granted, some of us have to work harder than others to secure them, and I agree that the world isn’t exactly perfect and equal. However, working on and overcoming your troubles will make room for the encouragement and determination you need to succeed. The self-esteem you need to build and the tenacity you require can only develop when they have room to grow. Hold onto or avoid your problems for another year, and you’re only contributing to a life you simply aren’t happy with.

So if you’re stuck in a relationship that brings you more misery than joy, repair it or end it. If you’re in a job you hate, don’t work towards the promotion, work your way out of the job. If you’re feeling lost and alone, then work on developing the courage to admit it and seek support, rather than suppressing your feelings in an attempt to appear fine. If you’re dealing with an insecurity, or insecurities that lead into negative behavior, then work to uncover the root cause of it, in order to stop them from ruling your life any longer.

Want 2016 and the rest of your life to mean something, then reform your relationship with opportunity. Make room in your life to seek and secure opportunities confidently by dealing with your immediate problems first. Deal with the troubles that restrict your identity and limit your potential, and fix the problems that keep you from moving closer towards your aspirations.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to be Happy

post written by, VanCityLifeCoach.com

smile

Every single person is on the same page when it comes to life. The details of our individual lives probably differ drastically, but the emotional experiences in which we wish to encounter, they're exactly the same.

I’m happy. Perhaps not all the time, but nowadays I can say with confidence that I’m living blissfully most of the time. I’ve walked away from the dark places I had convinced myself I was safe in, and I’ve stepped outside of perception and sought out truth. Many people make the mistake of “searching for happiness”  as if it’s some mystical treasure waiting to be found, but I’ve learned now that the key to happiness is much more internal, we just have to face it and let it out. It was the smartest thing I ever did.

To be happy, I needed to...

…accept and be proud of who I am.

This was the most effective contribution to my happiness. I grew up in an environment of expectation, everything from how I was expected to act and what I was expected to achieve in my life. To follow tradition and fulfill a role I simply wasn’t born to play. As my own identity did not fit the criteria of such expectation, it caused conflict within my mind which led to anxiety and depression...and up until a few years ago, it ruled my life. Today however, I feel free and unburdened, I can confidently explore life to seek answers; I am free to do what I want and be who I am. As a result I’ve found purpose and passion, I’ve learned about myself and what it is I love to do. It all began when I decided to live life by the traits of my own identity, it allowed me to define my own aspirations and as I progressed down my own path, I began uncovering a sense of pride and self-respect.

…find joy in not knowing and embrace the freedom of discovery.

If you look at how kids explore life, you realize the fun and joy it is to discover and seek answers. When I went traveling, I would freely ask questions in order to understand what I didn’t know. Each and every time I learned something new, it added a new layer of awareness to my identity. A sensation that made me feel empowered to explore life further, to immerse myself in the unknown so that I could understand and connect with the world a lot better. I’m not saying travel changed me, but it encouraged me to raise questions at home and in my everyday life whenever I had any feelings of doubt and uncertainty.

…place emphasis on mindset and its key role in success.

I reflect back on moments I first shared this blog with my friends on Facebook, and how much I feared judgement and ridicule from those who thought they knew me. Today I share it with the world and also coach individuals into fulfillment. I realized that if I want to be happy, I should stick with what I love to do. Although coaching is an avenue towards bigger aspirations in my life, I love the process. Everyday, at this current moment in time, I feel I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. Rarely do I fear how life will end up, because however long it may take, at least I'm on the right path. Happiness isn’t something you can earn or accumulate, it’s something you contribute to and on this path, I'm contributing to my own happiness. 

…submit to fact and adapt my behavior accordingly.

Living blissfully in ignorance is not happiness and personally I think we choose to be ignorant. They say misery needs company, however ignorance actually has it and plenty of it, and it's easy to join a herd to feel like you belong and fit in. However happiness is personal, you won't find it following trends or chasing myths.

I started my own journey for my own peace-of-mind and happiness, for nobody else. The proof is in my own well-being and if whatever I pursue turns out to be wrong, I've learned to move on until I discover what's right. If corporate gigs made me miserable, then I had to accept that to move forward. I did, and I ventured onto something far more valuable. It took me about 5 years to figure it out, but that time is experience, it signifies growth, it means something, it doesn't feel wasted and I already have so many lessons to share from them and I continue to learn.

Perception can be and often is blurred, waking up to reality and adapting my behavior towards the truth, definitely led me to a happier life. If something is factual and proven, and there’s no logical reason to challenge it, accept it and move on.

…take the time to better understand others.

Understanding other people better and getting to know them for who they really are, allowed me to better understand their actions, their perception of others and of me. For example, I realized that malicious intent was more about an internal conflict than it was about causing harm. We all desire happiness and fulfillment, but sometimes our own insecurities and troubles can make us act out in unintended ways. If you work to understand how much a person isn’t happy and fulfilled, you’ll be able to connect with them and reason with their actions.

If you take the time to learn about someone, you can learn to accept and communicate to them. In many cases, you could probably help them. There’s an empowerment that comes from this, because you begin realizing that we’re all more alike than we’re actually led to believe. It helps you ease the pressure of living with what other people think of you and it makes you feel less alone and more connected.

…overcome fear and make it a priority.

I don’t have many fears today and now I’m currently learning to overcome my fear of snakes. However other fears, like the fear of what people think of you, the fear of not succeeding or even the fear of not fitting in, will soon eradicate if you nurture the “law of awareness.” Put simply, you only need focus on being present and in the moment, for it’s the choices and actions of today that impact your future and control your past.

I’ve spoken to enough senior members of society to conceptualize regret, so get your head out of non-existent moments in time, wake up to now and allow your emotions to guide you through your reality. Which is how I made overcoming fear a priority, because overcoming it helped me regain control. Now I feel there isn't much that can stop me from chasing down my aspirations, especially no-one. 

…directly challenge those that threatened my vulnerability.

There are a lot of prejudices in the world and a reason why a lot of it still exists, is because many people feel powerless to direct change. However, if you’re unhappy, perhaps change is what you actually need. I personally grew tired of people trying to understand me through the connotations that came with my skin color. I grew tired of keeping my emotions at bay, because of the connotations that came with my gender. I grew tired of having to accept everyone’s definition of success because I had my own ideas. With tiredness came frustration and frustration led to self-doubt. So I decided the only way out of this endless torment, was to face those that made me feel inferior in any way.

We’re all equals, that’s what I grew up learning and that’s what I ended up exploring and accepting. Any opportunity someone had to put me down, I simply asked them why? I’d respond in an attempt to understand rather than with a negative emotion like anger. When you give people the response they want, they win. Don’t give them the response they want, they’ll provoke. Challenge their motivation and intent and in my experience, they’ll back off.

In situations around the workplace, among your social circles and even at home, attempt to understand, educate and hopefully inspire. I don’t have time anymore for circumstances that make me feel worse about myself. I’ve learned to pay attention to how I feel, my emotions are the most honest thing I can rely on, so I’m going to protect them.

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As I navigate my way through life, I may come across a more concise way to discuss how to be happy. However, what I realized as I put this blog post together, to be happy, I never really had to ask for or do much, I just had to allow myself the opportunity to be me, to be happy.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to Discover your Passion and Purpose

How to find your purpose

If you want to live passionately with purpose and reason, then you need to access the traits of your very own being. You need to listen to and respond to your emotions, as you navigate your way through different experiences in life.

The journey into fulfilment begins with mindful experiences. You must be and feel fully engaged, in each and every experience you encounter. You must be completely invested and emotionally present through every experience, to determine what speaks to your identity and what doesn’t.

I’ve come across too many irritated individuals living life on auto-pilot, complacent in routine and living numbly. I know this feeling because I used to live this way; a life not worth living, lacking fulfilment and wasted potential.

We’re all beings with untapped potential and within us is the determination and drive to become all that we aspire to be. If you’re noticing that life seems to be passing you by, then you just need to regain control and pay attention to what your emotions are telling you.

Throughout my life, the one lesson I’ve relied upon to stay on track with my aspirations, is to listen and pay attention to emotion. Emotions indicate your truest intent and genuine desires, therefore ignoring how you feel will only lead you into an unfulfilled life and further away from discovering your passion and purpose. A deception that will blur your identity and cause you to drift away from what you truly desire.

Thought vs. Emotion

You can change and manipulate thought, even if a negative thought enters your mind you can counteract it with a positive one almost instantaneously. To demonstrate: if I ask you to think of a Lemon, you can do that without effort. Now if I ask you to think of a Red Lemon, you can also do so instantaneously and change the perception of reality within your own mind.

As thoughts can be manipulated, altered and misdirected so easily, what you think you want, may not necessarily be what you truly want. This is why it’s incredibly important to pay close attention to emotion in order to maintain control over your life. Your emotions are like truth-tellers, they can help you navigate your life towards the bliss you’re in search of, and into the fulfillment you desire. I can’t tell you to be happy because we’re not really capable of altering emotion like we can thought. If you want to change your emotions, then you may have to change your reality.

In Summary

To discover your passion and to find your purpose in life, you must pay attention to emotion. Your thoughts may rationalize a negative experience, however we cannot fully trust thought as our thoughts can easily be manipulated and influenced. However we cannot deceive emotion, therefore as you navigate through life’s experiences, pay attention to what you're feeling. If you find that an experience contains no emotional fulfillment, then move on and keep experiencing until you discover the fulfillment you seek. Until you uncover your passion and define your purpose.

VanCity

Sex and Its Impact On Success

This I grew up in a culture surrounded by sexual repression. A subject too taboo to discuss openly in an environment where dating wasn't even a topic of consideration.  Which I found bizarre considering my ancestors nurtured a land of spiritual liberation and sexual expression and exploration, India.

Sex is an act we should discuss more openly and practice more freely, because confidence in the bedroom can help strengthen our vulnerabilities and affirm our identities.  It can help us reach an esteemed level of self-assurance, and can uplift our intimate relationships to a level of complete acceptance and assurance. And if we're feeling secure and confident within ourselves, we're more likely to succeed in many other aspects of our lives.

To maintain happy and healthy lives, we must always monitor and maintain balance. If you're an individual that strives for meaningful sexual experiences, sex or rather bad sex, can be an indication of imbalance. Basically if you're not enjoying your sexual experiences and you're left feeling unfulfilled, it could be a sign that there's a problem in some other area of your life.

It is often said that our minds are the most powerful sexual organs we possess, therefore to understand sex and its impact on success, we must first connect to the moments that lead us to meaningful sexual experiences. Therefore we cannot talk about sex without establishing the roles of attraction and love first:

  1. Attraction = the recognition of a compatible energy, as your identity seeks Balance.

Shed the shallow ideologies presented in the media, and you'll find that attraction is a very personal pursuit. What we find attractive is as individual as our own identities. Who we find attractive isn't just based on just looks, everyone knows that personality plays a large role.

The more open and honest you are about what you find attractive, the securer you'll feel approaching who you find attractive, ultimately feeling secure within your own self. You'll significantly improve your chances of finding a sexual partner that you're compatible with, increasing your chances of finding someone that will help you strive for and maintain balance within your life. You'll learn very quickly, that knowing what you want will help you achieve exactly the success you desire, much faster.

  1. Love = the recognition of acceptance, as two compatible identities become Balanced.

As you become accustomed to knowing what you're attracted to, you significantly increase your chances of finding love. Love is to be completely accepting and to feel accepted. Two identities forming a connection unbound by convention, but bound by acceptance. Love will significantly improve your self-assurance, because being loved is knowing that who you are is valuable. That small four lettered emotion positively impacts your identity and your personal pursuits, because you've found your ultimate supporter and your biggest fan. That encouragement will guide you to success, by navigating you through the challenges that will most likely arise.

  1. Sex = the recognition of truth, as two identities performing the Balancing Act.

Good sex, the best sex, is when both/all parties involved can be completely vulnerable, open and honest with each other. Attraction can take you so far but sex will uncover a lot of truths. I think back to random one-night encounters, often they lack fulfillment, because it's difficult to be completely vulnerable, honest and open with someone you've just met. Also the initial attraction may have been a deception, because the sex never measured up against the identity you perceived.

Sex uncovers a lot of truths about an individual, and when both parties do measure up to that initial attraction, sex becomes this awe-inspiring, self-assuring experience you expect it to be, and you begin to trust your own judgment and instinct. You begin to unleash your inner genius and tap into your potential, the very fibers of fulfilling success.

Encourage yourself to become more open and confident around the topic of sex, sexuality and what you find sexy, and begin your journey into liberation. The impact of living a liberated life, will feed the energy of unlimited success.

VanCity

Reform: A Rude Awakening

Che Guevara A Rude Awakening...

  1. When you realize you've been living your life controlled by perceived perception.
  2. When you realize how much work it takes to feel significant and how simple it can be.
  3. When you acquire knowledge and you realize that you will always need to learn more to fully understand.
  4. When you realize you have no control over death, not at least without burden.
  5. When love is experienced.
  6. When love is not experienced.
  7. When you discover an answer that leads to even more questions.
  8. When you wake up to the moment you had accepted defeat.
  9. When you realize that you can rise from defeat.
  10. When you understand what equality really means and how the world actually operates.
  11. When you have faith in people even though they have no faith in themselves.
  12. When you define the line between distraction and avoidance.
  13. When you experience genuine detachment.
  14. When you realize that money, marriage and religion are all man-made.
  15. When you discover the similarities between worship and slavery.
  16. When you realize your own potential is limitless.
  17. When you realize that your truest purpose impacts the world positively.
  18. When you see yourself for who you really are.
  19. When you see others for who they truly are…and it’s often wonderful when you understand them.
  20. When you realize that this list is merely subjective.

Question everything until you uncover the facts. Uncover the truth in order to wake up.

 

VanCity

How to Master Your Own Mind: 5 Ways to Maintain Control

post by, VanCityLifeCoach.com

Mind

Over the last few weeks I took a break from writing and I spent time with family whom had visited me from England. I wanted to be present during each moment as they were only here for a short while. I didn't want to escape a moment to experience gratitude. Life is about balance and prior to them arriving, I had spent most of my time working towards my own passions and building my career; I had severely separated from a crucial part of my identity and neglected the very support that kept me grounded. My family visiting me was an opportunity to reconnect.

The last time I had spent this much time away from my writing, was when I suffered a severe case of doubt and fed the belief that I wasn't really good enough. The difference this time, I was in full control of my own mind, I mindfully stepped away from work because I knew what I needed to. When you become so passionate about something and push through the negative infiltrations, fear transitions from not feeling good enough, to the fear of losing what you’ve built. Spending the last few years developing my own mindset and pulling myself out of unprogressive thoughts, has taught me that I can’t live life motivated by fear. I can harness it to trigger motivation, but I cannot allow my life to be driven by it. Today I proclaim to live life awake, aware and in abundance; I’m learning to master my own mind.

#1.  Objectify your Thoughts

A habit I’ve been getting into, is evaluating and reflecting negative and destructive thought. Whenever my thoughts turn sour, whether it’s about myself or negatively towards others, I dance around it with thoughts of understanding. I’m not simply replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, as far as I’m concerned, there’s a long line separating the two. What I choose to educate myself with to interpret thought, is what keeps my mind balanced and still.

When a thought enters my mind that causes me personal conflict, I acknowledge it. I make myself fully aware that I’m experiencing some sort of disconnect with my own identity and it’s time to evaluate and reflect. I personally externalize the thought, put it on a piece of paper and begin to understand how I came to such a negative assumption. When you decode these thoughts, you begin to weaken their impact, almost like repeating a word over and over again, until it no longer sounds like a word.

We often give certain thoughts more power than others, usually the negative ones get the most attention; like how a baby gains more attention by kicking and screaming. By making yourself aware of thoughts, you begin to question them, you’ll circle around different thoughts with questions; theories and ideas, until you stumble on the truth. And you’ll know when you've reached this "aha" moment, because you’ll feel very much empowered.

#2. Conceptualize Perception

Nothing feels more real than entering a flow state. When working on something you're passionate about, the world around you seems to flutter away as you engage your inner genius, as your heart, mind and body is working in full synchronicity. If you regularly engage a flow state, you’ll become increasingly aware of how blurry perception can be. This is my 123rd blog post, I’m 7 chapters into writing my first book and I have invested countless hours a day talking about what I’m passionate about. Each time I come out of a state of flow, the world around me seems that much more distorted.

I’ve learnt to conceptualize perception, for one, I don’t waste time on what people think. It’s impossible for me to know what thoughts are motivating other people’s perception of the world, without spending time to get to know and understand them first. When you’re negatively impacted by others, you’re often focused on one recurring, internal thought. You’re boomeranging your own thoughts as you convince yourself that everyone shares it.

Don’t be naïve, focus more on doing the things that engage your passions and fill your life with bliss. If at every moment you’re engaging in an activity or thought that doesn’t fulfill you, you blur your perception of reality even more. Life becomes complicated and you’ll find yourself scrambling to understand why you don’t fit in.

#3. Experience Detachment

For the longest time I’ve been trying to understand the term detachment, that I failed to practise it. It’s not letting anything have rule over your life that'll steer you away from truth. In my opinion, detachment is more of an experience rather than a practise, it allows you to experience liberation like never before. Imagine; complete and utter freedom and no rule from thought, desire, emotion, people and even your own possessions.

I always say detachment feels the same as taking your clothes off in public, you have nothing left to hide as you strip away everything you’ve ever held onto, that kept you from exposing the most vulnerable part of who you are; your truest form. Detachment finally allows you to exist, uninterrupted nor influenced. Detachment guides you to peace of mind.

To start experiencing this today, begin to understand your relationship with everything you give meaning to, starting with your material possessions is the easiest way to begin. Evaluate your desire for these things, ask yourself why? Question the very purpose of how things define your life, not your lifestyle. The more rule you have over your life, the more rule you have over your mind. The more you latch onto things, people, desires, and thoughts and so on, you weaken your mind because you deter from what’s truly meaningful.

#4. Awaken your Imagination

Ever had a crazy thought, idea or put together an insane, out of this world theory and shrugged it off as silliness because you’d think people would think you’re insane, paranoid or just stupid? Yeah me too, but there is so much fun to be had if you just let your imagination roar. Regularly exercise your mind by freeing it from the shackles of reality, I always note down my "insanity" and store it in a folder called "Chaos".

Your imagination is vital to unlocking your potential, eventually one of your ideas, or crumbs from several ideas will guide you to self-actualization. If you let your mind regularly do its thing, you’ll eventually stumble across something you’ll feel confident expressing.

Why compartmentalize your imagination to fit in with the current trends and ideologies when, the advances we have in the world today came from the individuals often once thought to be insane. The world isn’t flat, the earth revolves around the sun and society is finally coming to terms with the fact that, we may not be the only ones living in this universe.

Imagination leads to discovery.

#5 Open your Mind

Last but not least, be curious, because when your mind opens up, you give fear the opportunity to escape. Connect with engaging stimulus; read more books, listen to more people and accept more fact. Try new things daily and test old practises rigorously. If you want to advance your mind, you need to stimulate it with something new. Expand zones of comfort and never be afraid to understand something by asking questions.

I grew up around warped cultural traditions that caused prejudice and inequality, the moment I moved away from it, was the day I began to discover my identity and my place in the world. And never hold anyone else back either, especially if you haven’t gained the experience or exposure to conceive any genuine opinion. This is your life remember, it’s up to you to discover what it’ll be about.

VanCity

The Importance of Maintaining Intention

Tofino

I'd recently took a trip away to Tofino, British Columbia, to complete some work and escape the distractions of everyday life. When I arrived I was ready to churn out pure productivity, I could already feel my ego withering away as my inner-desires activated, engaged by thoughts of freedom, fun and accomplishment.

It was late, dark and very quiet. I immediately felt a slight anxiety as I entered this small town as lone outsider/tourist. I pulled up and greeted my AirBnB host with very quick hello and was given a 2 minute tour of the property…not even 10 minutes had passed by and beers were already being poured. I could already tell that this town had adopted a 'live-in-the-moment' mentality and any thoughts of anxiety were soon forgotten.

My host was an energetic character originally from Alberta, Canada. He’d given up his lucrative career, working on an oil rig, to pursue his passions. He became an artist and had moved to Tofino to seek liberation and to freely create. I had told him about my initial anxiety and how quickly it was dispelled, I mentioned my work and my writing and my reason for visiting. He talked about how many of the people living in Tofino weren't really from there, many of the people he had met and many of the people I had interacted with, seemed to have similar reasons for being there.

My first day though was pretty amazing, normally when I wake up my first thoughts are to check my Blackberry for any new emails from potential clients and to check my blog-stats. The internet connectivity was awful so right way I was forced into mindfulness. I got up early, caught the sun rise, meditated, went for a run and had my first Vegan breakfast (it was delicious) all before 7am.

After I had showered and changed, I took my laptop down to a waterfront restaurant and within minutes I was tranced into a flow state. Usually I would check all sorts of social media platforms and spend the first hour catching up with the rest of the world. This time was very different.

Later that day, I explored the neighbourhood and struck up conversations with random people. It became apparent that many people who come along to Tofino, although initially motivated by escape, were really there to just be themselves. To engage the capabilities of their identities in order to discover bliss. Nobody seemed too focused on status, money, popularity or anything else that bound people to lives that lacked fulfillment.

Nobody really cared about anything else other than making the most of every moment and that didn't really mean partying and having fun in the traditional sense. It meant making the most of one's passions, perfecting skills and becoming the best individual one can be. Investing every spare moment engaging an inner spirit and tapping into a self-confidence that came with true independence. Many people had visited from bigger towns and cities, only to remain there after experiencing some sort of detachment. Towards the end of my trip, even I was contemplating the thought of calling it home.

I couldn't help feeling empathy for those that sought freedom and liberation there. Many people seemed to have detached from their old lives, only to attach themselves to Tofino. I wondered how many will learn to carry this experience with them as they re-enter the lives they’d left behind.

My mum had incidentally given me a book called “why ----- mind matters.” It explored Buddhist philosophies concerning the mind. It was an easy book and within the first ten minutes I came across this quote:

“Man is essentially the manifestation of his thought forces.”

I thought I went to Tofino to work, to finish some writing as I embark on yet another goal. I thought I had to be there to bring back the inspiration and motivation I sought, to complete my book. Truth is, Tofino just allowed me to calm my mind and had given me time to think. It reminded me of the importance of focusing internally.

Prior to this trip, my mind seemed to be in several different places at once, I couldn't focus on writing and output seemed to lack passion. I had all the same ideas, but at home I couldn't bring them alive because I kept trying to focus with an external intention.

In other words, I was focusing on an outcome of a task rather than the purpose of carrying the task out. So when I would attempt to write at home, I was driven more by thoughts of getting my book published and the possibility of new opportunities and travelling more. When writing in Tofino, I reconnected with the internal intention; I wrote because I enjoyed it and because I’m passionate about what I want to share.

Now that I’m back on the ferry heading back home to familiarity, I’m returning with my intentions intact. I feel I understand what it means to put my mind to something now.

We can be anywhere in the world physically, but what truly matters as we embark on ambitious goals, is where we allow our minds to travel.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How Music Can Help Awaken Your Passion

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKO1ODNgbxs[/embed]

I watched this documentary [Alive Inside] and it reminded me of a message I drafted a few weeks ago. It inspired me to post it today.

To feel and experience raw passion, to discover and then nurture it, you must first tune into emotion.

Emotions pretty much control your being, they dictate your life and how you live it. Your emotions, if you can face them, could be the very key you’re looking for to unlock your potential. Great people are emotionally invested, driven by their own desires to make an impact on the world; they're passionate.

Music helps.

Music has a funny way of guiding you into a flow state. It activates a spirit which allows your imagination to fly free. When you play your favourite track and you’re transported to a moment, whether that moment existed or not, that moment allows you to feel.

When you feel, your heart syncs with your mind and they both work in unison to guide you closer to where you want to be in life. The aspirations you hold onto are activated and you’ll feel like every nerve ending in your body, has connected you to your destiny.

A fantasy overwhelms your reality and all you want to do is engage; this is your opportunity to be creative, innovative and inspired…and whatever else you need to feel to encourage work towards your goals.

When your emotions awake, you also shed many layers of thought that may have kept you from attaining a certain individual quality with your work.

A focus on emotion can stimulate a rare vision that normally you wouldn’t have been able to access. I think back to some of my best accomplishments, most, if not all of them we’re emotionally driven. Some moments gave me the courage to act on impulse, and others allowed me to truly understand what I really wanted for my life, allowing me to drop expectation and live life on my own terms.

This includes negative emotions too, for instance, hurt can motivate you to break negative behavioral patterns and encourage change in your life. Suffering can inspire you to change the world and anger can be channeled into productivity.

So next time you're looking to stimulate your passions, try putting on some of your favorite music, allow yourself to be transported to a moment and let the emotions you feel ignite a flow state.

For more information on the 'Music and Memory' organization and ways to donate, please visit: http://musicandmemory.org/. Check out the trailer for 'Alive Inside' here.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Are Your Motivations Man-made?

Thinker

Have you ever wondered how much of your life is man-made? Ever considered how much of your life is driven by man-made philosophies that guide your choices, mould your identity and overrun your emotions and natural desires?

Take the institution of marriage for example, it’s not necessarily an innate desire, we’re taught to long for this lawful union. Religion too, people submit lives, generations even, towards words written by man. Our careers maybe, are they driven by our thirst for power and purpose or do we slave away for the sake of climbing a social ladder?

I was on a date a few weeks ago and the girl I met was nice enough, she was pretty, very intelligent and I would say she was text-book perfect. Problem was, I found her very reserved, afraid to open up and let out what she truly wanted from life. It seemed she was conditioned to believe marriage was one of life’s natural wonders, so when I posed the question, “What if the entire concept of marriage didn’t exist, what would be your drive for companionship?” She stared at me with the blankest expression as if her mind had been formatted, I felt like I had insulted her.

It got me thinking about how many people in my life have very similar views, I don’t think a week goes by where a family member or a friend asks me about my marital status or how many digits occupy my bank account. Is it not enough to just accept that I’m happy, healthy and human, surrounded by a truck load of love and that I now live with a mountain sized passion for life? It’s like many cannot accept that I could arrive at this level of fulfillment without having followed certain ideologies.

Is it that difficult to comprehend, that we can drive ourselves simply by the honesty we carry in our emotions? That life is actually a lot simpler outside the flow of man-made principles.

I’m beginning to wonder if humanity has lost touch with the very things that make us human. How is anyone supposed to reach self-actualization and fulfilment, if we’re so conditioned to live life dictated by man-made values, popular movements and lean our desires towards marketable trends?

OK, maybe I’m heading off on a frustrated tangent here, but think about it, when was the last time you did something unstructured and genuinely honest? How much of your life is innately motivated?

Give yourself the opportunity to ponder this thought and tap into your true intent, before making your next life decision.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

CliffNotes Guide to Kick Starting a Life of Fulfilment

Rocket launch

Repression, frustration, doubt, uncertainty, anxiety, fear and insecurity are just some moons that orbit around a lifeless planet called Judgment. Today is the day to climb into your rocket and take off to rediscover your world, a world that is simple and exciting.

To help launch your life into fulfillment, here are 5 of my favorite lessons that may help ignite your identity…

  1. Love and cherish life.

Life is incredible; it’s completely wide open and available to be explored. There’s nothing really holding you back from anything you wish to achieve. Negative thought is your only restriction. Start by appreciating life by finding gratification in small and simple things, things that are available to you naturally.

Remember to maintain your desire for freedom, fun and fulfillment and define them in your own way.

  1. Let go.

So many people are fed up with life because they’re living life constricted. You may not even realize that you're holding onto chains of perception, onto an idea of how others perceive you without any quantifiable evidence. It causes you to box yourself into walls of comfort, fearing the freedom on the outside.

I would bet that most things you wish you could do are completely possible; the only thing keeping you from your potential is judgment. Let go and stop torturing yourself with words and ideals created by man. Start living and start feeling, listen to the heartbeat of emotion and let your feelings guide your destiny.

  1. Say "yes" more.

Embrace the spontaneity of life and expand zones of comfort. Get comfortable with confidence; share your deepest desires and discover them. Experience and explore curiosity.

We’re all artists. We have many skills and abilities lying dormant just beneath the surface of our conscious awareness, don’t be afraid to access them, fear will limit your potential.

  1. Work hard.

Life is hard, living is easy. The harder you work to live, the less you live to work.

Consume knowledge, test knowledge and challenge it. If what you learn doesn’t make sense then don’t be afraid to ask questions. Work hard to expand your horizons; don’t idly accept what you’re told as fact.

Also remember, the great things we have in our lives today are thanks to the hard work and boldness of great people before us. Work hard to leave behind a legacy, work hard to reach self-actualization, pay homage to greatness and pay greatness forward.

  1. Embrace others and build a community.

There’s a reason why we have emotion, not only do they guide our lives; they connect us to one another. We’re all beings connected by the very things that make us human, invite people into your life should they graciously want to enter and be there for those you can help.

Life can be great when explored alone but phenomenal when shared with others. It’s never been easier to meet new people and expand your reach; you have access people across the world at your fingertips. Network.

I guess the message in this entire post is: don’t spend your life creating moments and memories of regret just because someone else’s judgment held you back. Success is reserved for the brave and the bold, be fearless to find fulfillment.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to Channel a Negative Experience into Productivity

Shell

I feel I’ve worked very hard over the last few years to build a life free from as many negative stresses as possible. Yet, as hard as I work to avoid it, sometimes life just throws a negative force my way and I get affected.

I wish I could tell you that I have a solution. A way to avoid bad experiences completely, but I have yet to come across one. Life just has a funny way of f*cking things up now and again, but its OK, because I’ve learned that I can build strength from moments that attempt to break my spirit.

When I’m knocked down, what I learn as I get back up makes me stronger. The lasting impact reduces as I increase my tolerance and patience to work through any negative experience life decides to put me through.

The future is promising and my present is shaping up nicely. I’m experiencing the life I have built for myself and for the first time, I'd become unconcerned with interruption.  The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of good vibes: from networking and connecting with new people, through to celebrating milestones and successes. However, getting caught up in all this current bliss, I overlooked any potential disruptions that would affect this positive flow of energy. I was productive, I was social and I was grounded.

I won’t go into detail, but an echo of disappointment and mistrust knocked me sideways as my identity was threatened. Everything I had work so hard for felt like it was unravelling because of this one, unrelated negative experience. It was so unexpected that disruptive thoughts consumed my consciousness, I was struggling to focus as I tried to regain a positive mental state.

I guess it’s what a lot of us do in situations that impact us negatively, I tried to overcome without processing and I tried to rebuild without reflection. There was bit of a journey between where my mind had ended up to where my mind needed to return, and I had to drive down a highway of reflection to get there. Full of wide turns and varying speed limits, the journey felt long but I found myself finding more peace as I passed each landmark I recognized.

I realized that this is one small, although significant, negative experience was not the energy I needed to nurture. Why dwell on it when I don’t want it? I don’t need it and by investing into it I’m only giving it more power over my life. It’s one of those situations that cannot be reversed, so I have two choices. I can choose to either let it affect all that I have worked on and worked for, or realize my aspirations and utilize this experience towards something productive.

I always forget that negativity is an uncomfortable loud scream over positivity, which is a gentle comforting whisper. Understanding this is how I learned to channel negativity. There are countless ways for me to be productive and do something that benefits me and my life. I just needed to do something to raise those little whispers, something that reminds me of my identity; doing something that reminds me of myself, to remind me of what I want.

I like to write, I like to blog and I like to be alone when I process my thoughts. So I opened up my laptop, poured myself a beer and wrote. Not really trying to think of what to write, I just allowed my mind to focus on whatever it wanted to focus on. Clearly the negative experience was still on my mind so that’s what I wrote about. The more I wrote the more I reminded myself of how much I love this! How much I love just doing what I do and how I want to make this a part of my living. This is what I want and I want more of it.

The more I engaged my passions the balance began shifting back in my favour; the more I was engaging in something that made me feel like me again, reminded me of my potential and my goals. I synchronized my energy into a flow state of productivity and before I realized it, I had this blog post written up, four more ideas drafted and organized my schedule for the week ahead. I overcome a negative experience and rediscovered my bliss by utilizing  things that make up my identity.

Like me, you too can turn your negative experience into something productive.

Whatever bad experience you come across in life, you can get through it. Life will continue to affect you again and again, but as long as you consistently engage in the things that make life worth living, then it won’t be too long before you return to your purpose and focus.

Just keep in mind, you must do whatever it takes to engage those comforting whispers in order to distance yourself from any annoying screams.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to Avoid Giving Up: A Formula Tried and Tested

wheel-of-fortune_2011_a_l

Facing a crisis

My life began to get pulled into different directions as my mind kept pacing from one aspect of it to another. I was trying to balance day-to-day motions and emotions, while constructing the next chapter of my life. I found myself losing control because I was motivated by fear.

I had built up a level of success that I feared losing. Rather than deal with these feelings, I sped passed them and missed certain cues telling me to slowdown and evaluate. If I had just taken the time to understand what this new area of success meant and what I should’ve been focusing on, I could’ve re-organized my life and continued on attentively. I would’ve done what I did much sooner…

My priorities were mixed up, my mind couldn’t sit still and it all became overwhelming. It was like my life was stuck in a game of Wheel of Fortune: blogging, completing my book proposal, ‘Feeding the Lion’ videos, consulting, running a home, finances, family, friends, me time? Exercise, meditation, reading, dating, query letters, researching agents/publishers, writing, more errands to run and so on. I was never certain where the wheel would stop, I needed an indication of what I should be working on in order to keep progressing successfully. I just felt compelled to always "spin the wheel" because I was afraid of losing momentum. I just kept on going and did a bit of everything; unfocused and unsure, my aspirations were beginning to get blurry.

I became hesitant of what goals I had to accomplish and what aspects of my life I was supposed to be focusing on. I remember trying to write a blog post but kept trailing off topic because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I felt like an actor playing many roles at once; I became disordered and almost went on stage wearing the wrong costume.

Life was unclear because I was motivated by the fear of losing success, rather than the reasons for pursuing it. I firmly believe that fear is a response to the lack of control, and that’s exactly how I felt. That loss of control caused me to crash. It caused a lot of anxiety as one deadline loomed after another, and if I’m being completely honest, the thought of giving all this up crossed my mind.


Taking my own advice

When you find yourself stuck in a theme of uncertainty and insecurity, you find yourself in an identity crisis. You’re lost between two worlds, between you recurrent reality and the life of your aspirations. Comfort ZoneYou end up swaying between motivation and procrastination. You’re either sitting around procrastinating, waiting for motivation to come along, or your motivated to work just so you can feel better about procrastinating. Your mind faces an aggressive wrecking ball of doubt, as it breaks down the confident spirit you were once plugged into.

…I started to read through my own blog posts and it was like I was talking to myself. Evidently I was reading my own journal. My aspirations were communicating to me right there on the screen, but my conscious thoughts were not relating. For the very first time I started to question my own advice to the point of disbelief.

It was a very threatening thought process but it was that exact eye opener I needed. I’ve been blogging for some time now and these lessons that I had already learned and shared, lessons that led me to my current accomplishments in life, needed to be retested. The answer was right there in front of my own eyes.

I needed to prove myself, to myself. There was no way I could continue guiding others if I was struggling to guide myself. It was time to take my own advice and rebuild my spirit back to the level I had maintained for so long.

I turned to my aspirations and reminded myself of where I was aiming to be in the next few years. Almost instantly, I noticed how taking the time out to evaluate and reflect allowed me to focus on where I was going wrong.

I was entering a new chapter in my life and I had forgotten what it took to get me here. I needed to remind myself of my identity. I needed to reaffirm my aspirations and listen to that little voice inside my head. I needed to re-align my responsibilities with my dream. The list kept on building as I read through my blog, I realized how many cues I missed out on.

With the intention to uphold the lessons I had shared through this blog, I constructed a plan that resonated with this new chapter I started. As I plan to move to Los Angeles, CA in the next four years, everything I was trying to complete contributed towards this next major goal in my life.

So I flew out to L.A. and connected to my goal emotionally to face what I had almost turned away from.

Alone

I went alone to escape any zones of comfort I had nestled into. I rebooted my identity as I was forced to speak to people about myself and my aspirations. I connected to my environment and completed the goals I had set myself. I networked, I motivated people, and I helped a couple out in their relationship. Then others started to approach me for guidance and motivation. I knew there and then that I was on the right path, because I felt fulfilled doing it, I naturally felt like myself as I was in my element.

I worked and I had fun too, I even did things I felt I never had time for. Not only had I rebuilt my spirit, I raised it. I returned home having accomplished several goals that I had struggled to focus on and complete. More importantly, I returned home having strengthened my identity, with a rediscovered sense of self-assurance.


The Formula

Identity and DreamRemember success is a series of different levels, when you reach one level it doesn’t grant you access to the next. You need to re-establish yourself and familiarize yourself with the new platform from which you’re working from. Once you become aware, you will discover what you need to do to make it to that higher tier and avoid giving up. You declutter your mind and refocus your energy.

The best thing is that the formula for this is quite simple because your identity and your aspirations are forever interconnected, they can help each other out.

If you ever find yourself at a loss of identity, remind yourself of your aspirations and allow yourself to psychically connect with a small piece of it. Whether like me you book a short trip to somewhere you aspire to be, or something totally random. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s doable and that it connects directly to your aspirations.

On the other hand, if it’s your aspirations you’re struggling to remember, do something that makes you feel like yourself and connect with your identity. There’s nothing better to remind yourself of what you want from life, than to immerse yourself within your own identity.

Good luck on your ventures and never let fear lead you astray.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to Benefit From a Conscious Escape

Negative ControlI’ve been meditating a lot recently and as I’m still learning how to settle my mind and maintain stillness, I’ve began to notice a subtle sensation of detachment from my everyday life.

I began to feel as if I was entering a new era of awareness and I was waiting for my reality to catch up. I felt as if my life and my mind were out of sync.

At first I thought I was detaching from myself and my identity, I felt I was consciously stepping off my own path and moving towards a realm confusion and doubt. Everything appeared the same but the engagement felt very different. I’d be writing, listening to music, or having a conversation but I’d feel mindfully disconnected.

I’m not saying I experienced some sort of out-of-body experience, it was much more subtle than that. Also, when it comes to meditation I’m still very much a rookie. However the time I’ve invested in focusing on my own mind and concentrating on myself, has allowed me to become more aware of the strings that hold me back.

My feelings of detachment were not from my passions or my identity, I found myself detaching from my doubts and my uncertainties. The sensation of unfamiliarity and unease was my adjusting to an experience free from any puppet strings that controlled my life.

I felt unleashed. My identity felt affirmed; I felt free to explore so that I could grow and expand my work, build better relationships and discover new opportunities.

The conversations seemed different because I was being more open, the music had a different sound because I related better and my writing seemed clearer because I was being more honest. The actions I performed were the same, the schedule was too, but the mindset behind it was different.

The sensation of detachment came over me because my body was on autopilot, and my mind continued on to evaluate and understand what I had just learned. I was waiting to resync.

Evaluation

Sometimes when you select a vice to evaluate your life you can experience this detachment. As you look inwardly with an objective lens, with the intention to re-align yourself with what you set out to accomplish, what you realize can be unsettling.

As your mind begins to open up and your identity begins to free itself, you can end up experiencing this sensation of detachment. An “aha” moment that requires you to take a step back and comprehend what you have just learned.

To learn how much doubt and fear you held onto, how much energy and time you wasted and how much negativity you nurtured for a cause of no significance, can be difficult to grasp. You often spend a lifetime learning to live with low self-esteem and emotional torment, therefore when you realize these things were holding you back, unlearning it all takes some getting used to. You consciously step away from yourself as you figure out how to introduce this autonomy into your life.

I liken it to that yearning for travel, you fantasize about it and you expect to connect to new places right away. In truth, the first time you step into a new environment you almost feel as if it isn’t real. You have to take a minute to adjust and take it all in. It takes a while before you can let yourself be completely present again.

Any detachment you experience in life is an opportunity to evaluate and reflect. Consider these moments as an indicator to avoid complacency or even procrastination. Use these moments to trigger a motivation and evoke your spirit to take action.

I’m learning to meditate as a vice to prompt this practice, however these moments are always hiding in pockets of experience everywhere. When you’re running and lose yourself in the activity, when you listen to live music and experience an emotional shift, or even when you’re with loved ones immersed in bliss. Use these moments of conscious escape and understand the negativity that controls you.

Prepare for the ultimate break from negative captivity; listen to your mind as it detaches itself from your reality to learn from your spirit.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How to Discover Your Passions: Build the Bridge between 2 Lessons

Bridge

As I’m paving my own path, living by my own identity and letting knowledge and understanding guide my thoughts. I can feel myself inching closer to the heart of my own virtue.

There are two very significant lessons that connected me to my passions; to my very purpose of being…

…I was about 18 years old, tired of negative influence and feeling like I didn’t belong. I was broken by betrayal and my trust in others diminished. I remember filling out my university application and remember writing exactly what I was expected to write. Just so someone could grant me access into an academic institution of no real value to me or my life. My only frame of mind was escape, so long as I didn’t have to face the reality of my intentions, I played by the rules.

So there I was, naïve, free and finally without the burden of responsibility nor tradition. I met 3 very different individuals, ambitious, influenced and as fresh-faced as I.  Individuals who taught me that being me was all that was necessary. Teaching me the true value of my own life and that I shouldn’t give a f*** about anything else other than the present and being present.

Although, I still found it very difficult to be present towards graduation. It was at the end of this experience and returning home, when I realized the importance of the two lessons. Lessons that guided my successes, moved me around the world and gave me the confidence to dream and to pursue that dream.

Lesson #1 – Identity

  • To embrace and nurture all aspects of my identity.
  • Stay true to who I am and let truth guide my aspirations.
  • To let that truth shine, so that others could connect. So that I could connect.
  • An identity of my own so that my mind and my life remained in my own control.

 Lesson #2 – Awareness

  • To be present in the moment and to be very aware of it.
  • Experience what’s happening now so that I could navigate my future.
  • Being aware of others, aware of my actions and aware of my environment.
  • So that I could protect myself from negativity and any threat to my identity.
  • Aware of myself; my identity, so that I could work on my weaknesses and build upon my strengths.
  • To be present in the moment of opportunity.

These two lessons taught me more about myself and the world I live in, than any manuscript, guru or drug ever could.

However these two lessons do not work well unless they’re connected. You can’t truly be aware unless you understand and know yourself. On the other hand you cannot fully develop your identity unless you become more aware and present.

The bridge that connects them, is emotion.

Emotion is by far, the most significant tool you have, when it comes to building a life you’re fulfilled by. It sounds so simple, but because emotions are so complex and varied, many of us fail to notice how simple life can actually be, if we pay attention to what we’re feeling.

Ever notice how a child experiences life? Free, uninhibited and curious. They’re present in the moment and full of character. Notice how the very thing that motivates and stimulates a child's eagerness to learn and engage, is emotion. A child can love easily and has an abundance of love too, allowing them to connect to others and for others to easily connect.

When I returned home, I quickly noticed how much I ignored my emotions to pursue a life of false fulfillment. The more I allowed myself to feel, the more I became aware and the more my identity rose to the surface. It was emotion that allowed me to embrace the above lessons, that guided me to the success and fulfillment I have in my life today.

So learn to listen and experience your emotions. Build that bridge so you too can discover, and confidently live by your identity. To help you become more aware, so that you know what it is you need to do to find fulfillment.

As you begin to live life by these two lessons, build the bridge that connects them. You'll begin to discover your passions; discover your own virtue, thus enabling you to pave a path of your very own.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

An Undernourished Mind Leads To an Unnourished Life

Mindset

Our minds are the centre of our consciousness, after all the mind controls everything we do. Our thoughts and our emotions have the ability to control the outcome of anything we try to accomplish.

If you can master your mind, you can master life.

Look back at all your failures in life and at all the times you’ve perhaps given up. A weak mindset was probably the biggest contributing factor for the lack of accomplishment.

I’m surprised at how little emphasis is put on mindset in the world today. Especially as people set out on their own goals, overlooking the nurturing of this critical component that can pretty much guarantee success. Anything I do with my life and any opportunity I embark on, my first objective is placed on developing and ensuring I have the correct mindset.

Preparing my mind for the challenges ahead and to weigh up the struggles I’ll face. To understand what’s required from me to succeed and what traumas may arise.

An obvious example is in fitness. From first getting up and getting ready to exercise, through to lifting that weight and pushing past your limits. Motivation, persistence, confidence and fearlessness are just some mindset basics required if you want to build the body you desire. Mindset is one component that will guarantee you that body.

Connect the Dots

I’m intrigued by psychology. It was the first time I ever learned cause and effect in relation to behavior. It’s truly amazing how much we affect the outcome of most situations in life. Escalating arguments that lead to damaging relationships. Allowing tiny stresses to disrupt your day and affect the outcome of your work. Also how your past traumas cause problems in your present and future lives.

Ever wondered what the term soul actually refers to? I have a theory, I believe that the “soul” is not this divine spirit that leaves your body to ascend into the heavens when you die. Rather, the soul is that energy you emit dependant on your state of mind. I reckon it’s the thing that bonds your mind and body.

For instance when people are corrupt, society deems them to have “corrupt souls.” The term soul, tends to hang off objectives based on peoples’ actions.

It led me to understand the power your mind has over you and the reason why you should significantly invest in developing it.

By investment, I don’t mean spending thousands of dollars on a weekend mastery course. Nor attending some camp led by some divine guru. Developing your mind starts with the now, by becoming fully self-aware. Allow your mind to understand your actions objectively, and understand your actions by delving into your mind. Discover meaning and reasoning, appreciate your emotions by continually assessing them.

Whenever you feel judged, or get overcome with doubt, don’t be afraid to ask yourself why? It could save you from so much aggravation and failure. Process your feelings rather than living with them. Most importantly, it gives you the opportunity to discover the root of a problem which, if you’re honest enough, sits within your mind. Such as experiences from your past and/or your uncertainties about your future.

Read, learn, explore, be curious, ask questions and always, always engage in your passions. Your mind is hungry for stimulation, keep it active and balanced, and your life will thank you.

Not only will you be able to self-analyse, you’ll be able to control emotion and outcome.

You’ll only succeed as far as your will will take you. Increase your chances by nourishing the power behind that will; nurture your mind.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Maintaining Flow: 10 Ways to Become Fully Immersed In a Feeling of Energized Focus

Staying dedicated to your passion can be an everyday challenge. Between fighting off the temptation to procrastinate and giving up all together, it isn't easy to maintain momentum and prolong productive activity, when life is so distracting.

Being in the "zone” is a term used when focus doesn't require a technique and you’re naturally plugged into your own genius. Where you can enjoy work for several hours straight, unaware of time and space. However when life jolts you back into play, trying to return to a zone of fluid productivity is an unbearable frustration.

So here’s ten tips to help you plug back into your brilliance.

  1. Set Your Passion as a Priority

When I mean priority, I mean place it way up there with eating, drinking and sleeping. However, rather than simply telling yourself you need to work towards your aspirations, liken it to how you feel without your basic needs. Such as the impact of hunger and sleep deprivation on your body and your emotions.

Liken your passion as a means to survive, if you’re not working towards fulfillment and self-actualization then you’re on a long, painful road to your demise.

  1. Develop a Fear of  Not Fulfilling Your Potential

I’m all about conquering fears, however there’s one fear everyone should develop and embrace – a fear of not fulfilling your potential. Dying without purpose, wasting your life not having tried and wasting time on things that simply do not matter.

Remind yourself of this fear when you wake up in the morning. Beat procrastination and use this fear as power against those seven deadly sins.

  1. Remind Yourself of Everything That Makes You Miserable…

….then smile and give it the finger!

Your time is way too precious for negative infiltrations, so that list of misery you’re working on reducing, empower the fact that you’re working towards eliminating it. Remind yourself; while others complain, you’re making a conscious decision, and effort, to do something about the misery in your life!

  1. Measure Your Successes and Celebrate Them

First of all shatter your illusions of success if they’re only linked to monetary wealth and shiny, fancy new things.

How much have you learned? How has the quality of your work improved? How much have you personally developed? These are measurable levels of success just as much as the traditional pay-off.

Remember you can only welcome and enjoy your definitive success if you have nurtured the genius behind it. Encourage yourself to progress by measuring how far you have already come, there may still be a long road ahead, but your closer to the destination than you ever were before. 

  1. Find New Sources of Encouragement

Listen. Learn. Support.

Although encouragement from your nearest and dearest is precious, the novelty tends will wear off. Seek to grow your support network by wearing your passions on your sleeve, define your life by your aspirations and encourage others to do the same and notice how you’re attracted to like-minded people, like bees are to honey! 

  1. Stay True To Yourself

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zFHkBQBg-4[/embed]

Not only are you an individual with a dream, you’re an identity full of potential and you're a “bad-ass mother who don’t take no crap off of nobody!” Let others worry about following trends and fulfilling statistics, stay true to who you are and what you want from life.

You are your only asset – protect it.

  1. Help Others

Fulfilled success and helping others are closely related: they make you share your identity with others and it demonstrations what true fulfillment feels like.

Do yourself a favour and help others. Helping others also humbles you, it keeps you from getting carried away with your desires and helps you maintain your own purpose and focus in life.

  1. Reward Yourself and Make Time to Unwind and Relax

After a marathon of work, don’t retire exhausted, reward yourself. Be it a cheeky Netflix binge or spending good times with good people, whatever you choose.

Reiterate the message of fulfillment; life is an abundance of joy so long as you maintain a healthy balance. Rewarding yourself after work is much more fulfilling than indulging for the hell of it.

  1. Schedule; Don’t Idly Live By Routine

I don’t believe in following routines, they bore me. I make schedules.

So long as you meet the deadlines you need to make, mix up your schedule and help your mind remain active, so that life doesn't become dull.

Humans are good at adapting, tap into this trait by mixing up your week. Revive your energy week by week and move tasks and responsibilities around. Change is good, change stimulates the mind and change is experience.

  1. Work With/Near Others Just As Hungry for Fulfillment as Yourself

It’s amazing how people can connect to one another, although your journeys may differ significantly, the thirst for life can measure up the same. It encourages you to work towards your own aspirations if those around you are doing the same.

 

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Law of Attraction Vs. The Law of Awareness.

Awareness

Here’s a secret, that’s not so secret, being completely aware of yourself and aware of the world you live in can get you to where you want to be and what you want from life.

I don’t dismiss the Law of attraction, and for me I think it’s a great notion for those embarking on a journey towards their desires. As it helps people visualize what it is they want, people begin to understand the power of belief, and if you believe in something so much, one way or another you’re going to find a way to justify and preserve that belief.

Problem is what I want and what I truly want are two very different things.

Beliefs are empty without action taken towards them, those that are self-aware build their beliefs based on their own identity, not what they are led to believe. If you read my previous post on success, I share an experience of my own.

The power of awareness and its role in life is fundamental when shaping your aspirations and desires. It answers more questions, it challenges your desires and builds your spirit up ready to fight for it. It allows you to access your full potential so that you can really make a significant impact on your own life.

 “So Terry, how does one become more self-aware?”

Well, to simplify it as much as possible you have to look at the concept first from an internal perspective and then externally.

#1 Internal

Awareness of yourself is crucial, how many of us can truly say we’re very aware of our actions, of our behaviors and its impact on our own identity or that of others? To become aware of it, I say question everything. What motivated me to say that? Why do I believe this? How can I change this? Why do I desire this? Each question you discover the answer to unveils much more about your identity, such as your motivations for instance.

I walk down the street every day and see people unaware of their very existence – following routines and holding back emotions, becoming numb to the world around them. People failing to be present in the moment of opportunity because they live life with blinders on, only understanding the rules society laid out for them.

Don’t focus on the shiny new car until you’re feeling like the person driving it, don’t focus on that massive new home unless you’ve found an avenue that gives you fulfillment and the time to actually enjoy it, and to spend time with the family you perhaps built/want to build. Rather, use these desires as anchors, motivational triggers if you will.

There’s also those that seem to be more aware of other peoples opinions of themselves but completely dismayed by their own will for change. Buried under the pressure to fit in rather than the longing to proceed on a journey towards acceptance, often of self.

I’ve stopped a lot of indulgences over the last year, primarily because I’m becoming more and more aware of myself and my behavior. It doesn't even feel like I’ve changed, it feels like I’ve shed layers of false desires built up by the lack of self-awareness I had. Only now to end up in a position where my true desires are exposed and  prepared to attract the very things I truly want in my life.

Attraction works both ways, being consciously aware of myself allows me to search and find the very things that excite and stimulate different parts of my identity. Knowing that gives me so much more clarity on the things I truly desire in my life. They lead me to the awareness of my external environment.

#2 External

Awareness of your environment; I sometimes speak to old friends from years ago and they talk about how bold of a decision it was for me to leave everything behind and leave for a new life. But I had them understand that the day I became aware of where my life was heading in my current circumstances, my circumstances had to change and it was the easiest decision I ever made.

My current environment at that time did not cater to the opportunities I was waiting for so I had to go out into the big bad world and find them. I grew tired of the company I kept because I never felt inspired, challenged nor fulfilled by the identities around me. It sounds awful but it’s true and it’s not because I consider myself superior in any shape or form, it’s just that my desires in life differed significantly.

How was I to attract the things I wanted in my life if I stayed in an environment that neither catered to nor contributed to my aspirations.

Awareness will work much more in your favor, it requires you to think objectively and act subjectively. I built a stronger bond with my desires and now they’re leading me to places of lasting fulfillment, to places I never even envisioned.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Escape your Comfort Zone

Comfort Zone

Over the last few (many) years I’ve gone from an uncomfortable person with low self-esteem to a confident being with self-belief. This had a lot to do with escaping my comfort zone and pushing the boundaries of my identity.

For the longest time I thought that “the comfort zone” was a safe place. A place where I can be myself and find peace within the life I’m living. The more I accepted this notion, the more I felt trapped by it and I realized that it’s a place that keeps us all from opportunities waiting to be captured.

You nestle into feelings of safety and familiarity so much, that you become afraid to step outside of it to explore the possibilities of your potential. It sort of reeks of agoraphobia and you enclose yourselves within your own prison.

I love it when people experience liberation, as they tell me about overcoming challenges and how they broke down the walls of comfort to achieve something they considered awkward and agonizing. They feel the excitement and thrill of a new experience that came from overcoming a fear of doubt - they develop a power of self-belief. Many think it’s a transformation of identity when really it’s your identity just breaking free.

The problem is perception, you often look at your comfort zone as a place you can return to. “I stepped out of my comfort Zone” something you’ve all said at some point I’m sure, but what if today you redefine it? As a place to break free from or rather a zone that you can expand until you no longer see limitation.

To build confidence or to even experience it, as is the case for a lot of people, you need to first learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Until this routine becomes normal and you learn to share your aspirations and “putting myself out there” is just a way of life, until you demand attention from the world, rather than shy away from it.

I believe it’s more foolish to not have tried than to fear looking foolish, although at times it feels embarrassing or silly but who cares? Seriously, who really cares? “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but our self can free our minds” Bob Marley had a point.

You are your own betrayer, you’ll relive memories of ridicule and then criticize yourself harshly based on the perception of others to silence the sound of possibility and live with frustrating echoes of “what if.”

There’s never any satisfaction of not knowing, it closes your mind and keeps you from reaching your full potential.  You may believe that straying away from what you’re used to is a dangerous mission, but one thing I’ve learned is vulnerability feeds confidence.

So long as you’re exposed there’s nothing to hide from, either people will pay attention and support you or forget about you in time. The moment they forget is the moment you evaluate and become aware of your complacency and reignite your brand and escape from comfort.

If stepping away from your comfort zone is difficult, remind yourself that the world will move on with or without you. You have the choice right now, to decide if what you want is worth putting yourself out there for or choose to become numb to your aspirations and stop yourself from becoming the best that you can be.

Rather than turn your back on fear, turn around and face it. Children are taught to stand up to bullies - a lesson that somehow gets lost in translation, perhaps with age, because the “real world” is the biggest bully I know. Eleanor Roosevelt had a point too “do one thing every day that scares you” and with each day you’ll build up your identity to withstand anything.

Remember the comfort zone is only just a tiny part of your identity you’re ok with. The moment you put yourself out there, you’re not giving the first f*** about what the world thinks, it’s with that attitude you learn about yourself and become more at peace with all parts of who you are.

You’re an individual [insert your name here], be one.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

 

How a Premonition Awoke Me to My Present

Premonition

Life is constructed on expectation and emotion, after all it’s what motivates us to act on our goals. So is the reliance/notion of premonition so ludicrous? After all, we do often turn to the prospects of our future to pull ourselves out of despair.

Recently I was caught off-guard by a wave of insecurity and uncertainty, it washed over me suddenly and I felt like I was drowning in a sea of desolation. I couldn't avoid it, but I pulled myself out of it. To save myself from drowning I triggered some sort of 'premonition' to counteract my present uncertainty. What I saw allowed me to navigate my way back to shore, back to my identity. I knew that if I continued to float around surrounded by these emotions, I would drift further away from myself and my aspirations– I needed a reminder of who I was (the past) to rediscover what I wanted (the future).

Now I’m not talking about a supernatural power gifted by Gods. I’m referring to an ability that's contained within all of us, a way we can construct an image of our future to save ourselves from the negative emotions that we suffer from today. We all have the opportunity to foresee our future, but we must first delve into the past.

Now imagine that I’m literally floating in a cold ocean of despair, the longer I bask in uncertainty the further I drift away from who I am and what I want from life. The longer I stay still the less I feel. I become more and more numb to the identity I worked so hard to build. I needed a reminder of who I am, quickly.

Our minds have the power to relive any emotion just by delving into our past. I can literally think of anything from my past and relive the emotions associated with a memory. For others there’s a trigger, a song perhaps, a picture or a smell even, we all have it.

These emotions dictate our future; we construct our future by wanting to feel more of, or in some cases less of  what we have felt and experienced in our past. This is how we trigger a “premonition” - we get in touch with our emotions. If we have the ability to feel and relive the past, then we should be able to feel and get a glimpse of our future.

The more you feel from your past the more you understand about your future. I remembered achievements, I remembered positive comments and words of encouragement, I remembered great times in my life that I wanted more of.

The more I remembered the more I re-constructed my future. I used these emotions to re-build the vision of a future I wanted - so clear that it felt like a premonition. Action was almost instantaneous as I awoke to my present, I knew there and then what I needed to do to make that future a certainty.

Turning to certain emotions in our past can highlight our aspirations, and it was by generating this premonition that alerted me to my current actions. One thing we must understand is that we cannot control the past nor the future, we can only manage them by taking control over our present.

Having re-envisioned what I wanted for my future, I was then faced with a choice in my present: to either sink or swim. I could either continue to remain still and sink into the sea of desolation, or swim my way back to my identity and manage the future I envisioned - no waiting around for rescue, no waiting for the current to change, just me and my own spirit with my future in sight.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach