Competition is almost never necessary and almost never optimal. Your success need not require others' failure. Long-term self-optimal behaviors are counter-intuitively virtuous (generosity, empathy, honesty, fairness, teamwork, etc.) because most reasonable people will treat you in kind and you’ll both benefit from shared infrastructure.
Listen up Vancouver, if you can breathe, you can meditate!
If your life as you know it started falling apart, would you still be you?
The West Coast is riddled with individuals using meditation as tool to promote self-worth instead of a tool for attaining it. Social media, media in general, is turning us against our own minds.
With anxiety and depression growing at a rapid rate, and self loathing leading to destructive relationships, it's time we began taking self-realization seriously.
I've had to learn to appreciate life, and I have meditation to thank for that. In fact, meditation has saved my life more time than I care to admit, because it it keeps my mind intact.
We're all quick to take a pill or the quick fix where our minds are concerned, but just like training for a marathon, it takes time and practice to get your mind to a specific level of function.
Now I'm incredibly thankful for the life I have and the mind I own, and to honour and appreciate life, I put this FREE meditation course online so that I hope soon, you can realize the value of yours.
Learn more: www.infinitelife.coach
Oh, and it's cannabis-friendly too, which makes meditating so much easier! #420meditation/@420meditation
With temptation around every corner and access to “alternative experiences”, as one client put it, just a swipe away, it’s high time we started paying attention to the compulsion of sexual desire, and how much rule sex has over our lives.
We’re all sexual beings and there’s just no denying it, in fact, psychology even suggests that sex is a basic human need. Even spirituality recognizes the importance of sexual fulfillment and what it contributes to life/life’s experience.
Since relationship coaching, the notion that how we perceive each other is entirely related to how we perceive ourselves, has been reinforced with each and every client I coach. Our self-perception is the single most crucial component, for happy and healthy relationships. From this perspective, I have developed my understanding as to why people cheat:
1. Sexual Satisfaction.
Positive sexual experiences help people develop a positive relationship with both their mind and body, therefore sexual satisfaction is quite important to both mental and physical well-being. Clients who have significantly improved their experiences in the bedroom, have often expressed how much more affirmed and healthier they feel.
The longer people go on sexually unfulfilled, they may start adopting and developing other behaviors and mindsets, to compensate for their lack of fulfillment. Such as: overeating/overindulgence, self-loathing/self-harm, alcohol/drug abuse, emotional outbursts/irrational thoughts and of course, dissociation and cheating.
Obviously, it’s not the only reason for changes in mindset and behavior, but where relationships are concerned, the lack of sexual satisfaction is a top contender as to why people cheat. And you’ll notice how all the points following this one, echo this same message.
2. Sexual Oppression
We are pleasure seeking and curious creatures, therefore, caging desire feels unnatural and frustrating. Which is why for some, over-time, marriage can feel like a trap and cheating can be viewed in a way to liberate oneself from such oppression.
Once upon a time, for women predominately, marriage was the only opportunity to explore and experience sex without being judged or rejected from society. Also, there are generations of men who, likely because of religious and societal obligations, had to commit to unfulfilling relationships.
Thankfully, the world is consciously evolving and our attitudes towards sex are becoming more liberal and rightfully so, sex is arguably more natural than a relationship!
3. Sexual Suppression
Imagine being homosexual and committed to a partner of the opposite sex, even here in liberal Vancouver this is a common occurrence. To this day there are cultures, traditions, religions and even countries that reject any sexual identity other than heterosexuality. In some countries, homosexuality is still punishable by death!
Think about all those individuals who are committed to partners they’re not sexually attracted to, because the world taught them that who they are attracted to is unnatural. Therefore, to avoid watching the lives they’ve built up crumble around them, it probably makes much more sense to seek sexual fulfillment elsewhere.
Today people have access to an abundant array of narratives to help them define and accept who they are. Though there is much progress to be made, successful civil and equal rights movements across the globe are encouraging us all to accept and be proud of who we are and of each other.
4. Sex and Self-Worth
Cheating can also be viewed as a mode of survival. Though in this case, your own body probably won’t turn against you, it is you who will likely turn against your own body because of a damaging self-perception.
It’s not so obvious, but many people do cheat to restore their self-worth. Also in addition to, and as an extension of #3, people who feel neglected by their partners. Feeling insignificant in a relationship and feeling like they’re not enough for someone, these are also motivating factors as to why people may stray away. It’s probably the most common reason I’ve come across in my line of work.
5. Sex and Influence
Lastly, let’s not overlook the impact of influence. We live in highly sexualized societies, whereby, sexual desire is often stimulated in advertising to sell products. Sex is everywhere, and people learn to associate sex with success, sex with confidence and sex with self-actualization, all of which can encourage the motivation to cheat.
Furthermore, peer pressure and influence from others can encourage people to cheat.
Also, let’s not forget addictions and the effects of some illicit drugs as form of influence as to why people may cheat.
As you can see, the reasons to cheat aren’t always so black and white and if you’re concerned about cheating, it’d be wise to start engaging in open and safe communication. If you move the conversation away from sustaining a relationship, and focus it on restoring a sense of self, you may just avoid “cheating” all together.
Seeking support for your relationship?
Vancouver is a beautiful city, there are so many opportunities to develop and grow as an individual. Whether you're looking to get fit or learn a new skill, there are a ton of opportunities to support your personal development. If only you could break those pesky habits keeping you from making the most out of your life...
Changing behavior can be as easy as making negative habits more inconvenient to engage, and positive ones more convenient. I offer a few tips in the video above, but if you put your mind to it, I'm sure you can uncover ways to develop from the habits keeping you from accessing your potential.
It's no secret that the people of Vancouver love their coffee! However, in abundance, coffee can trigger feelings of anxiousness - after all you are forcing your body into a wakened state. Here's what I do to hack my morning cup of coffee to last the entire day!
In your morning cup of coffee: + 1 tsp of Turmeric + Dollop of Manuka Honey (for taste)
Anxiety is a mental health issue which affects over 40 million American Adults, 1 in 4 Canadians, 4.1 per thousand in Indians, 6 million in the UK, and approximately 100 million people in China. That’s already 200+ million people worldwide! I became curious about the global statistics as I seem to be dealing with more clients here in Vancouver and The Lower Mainland, who are battling this mental disorder on a regular basis.
Many of my clients visit my office looking for an alternative way to manage their anxiety and reduce paranoid thoughts. Imagine feeling like, believing even, that the whole world is already against you, and then being able to trust someone who hands you pills to numb these feelings. Though anti-depressants work for some they don’t work for all and let’s be honest, they don’t cure the disorder, they just suppress it.
Until I entered Life Coaching, I hadn’t realized how many different types of people this disorder affects. From business professionals and entrepreneurs, through to students and the everyday family member, it would appear that any of us can fall victim to severe panic and fear.
I’m a “look at the bigger picture” sort of guy, in fact, that’s how I help my clients step out from under their insecurities and march on forward toward the lives they’ve always dreamed of. So, when I started getting clients seeking support for their paranoia and anxiety, after having tried many other traditional routes, such as psychiatry for instance, I had to understand how mental illnesses fit into the picture.
One of the most remarkable things I’ve learned about people, is that we’re all living in different versions of a mutually shared reality. We’re all experiencing life through our own senses; we literally only see the world through our own eyes. Therefore, we can only interpret the world through our own senses too, for example, what one person sees as an opportunity, another can view as a threat. And with access to so much information and knowledge at the very end of our finger tips, we’re discovering how differently each and every single one of us interpret the world. So no longer are we alone in the way we think, it’s not so easy anymore to just dismiss our troubled thoughts.
Is it any wonder we’re becoming a more paranoid and anxious people? I mean, with so much contradicting information thrown at us on a daily basis, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to trust anything completely. Only just the other day I had back-to-back sessions with clients who were feeling anxious over the decision to go to college vs. independent online study. Back when I was growing up, obtaining a higher education from a recognized institution just made sense, and if you had the grades and could afford it, you seized the opportunity. Whereas today, it’s definitely not the only way to secure your future, in fact, in many cases it’s becoming detrimental because of the amount of debt one acquires.
I even remember back when Trump was elected president of the United States, I literally had clients concerned about this representing the beginning of the end of the world. Looking at what’s presented in the news today, it seems I can’t easily convince individuals to dismiss these feelings as paranoia. For all the information that is out there, there’s enough to justify and fuel our paranoid thoughts. From “Fake News” to Political propaganda, who and what can we have faith in today?
Perhaps this is what conscious evolution looks like? Maybe we’re in the midst of a shifting paradigm? Or maybe we’re just overworked and exhausted? Whichever way we look at this, we must learn to deal with our troubled mental processes more effectively. Otherwise, they’ll consume us to a point where we’ll start exploring more harmful ways to shut them out, because we are unable cope.
When you come across a paranoid thought, I wouldn’t be so quick to try and dismiss the paranoia. I think if your mind has entered into this perception of reality, then perhaps it’s drawing on information that you’ve consumed but have not yet processed. Almost likened to the evolutionary theory of dreaming.
I suffered from anxiety and paranoid thoughts when I was younger, and the only vice that worked for me was meditation. However, this is not what I’m suggesting to you (though I do recommend you try it), it’s how learned to interpret these thoughts through meditation, which enabled me to detach from them and keep them from infecting my conscious experience.
Each of us are experiencing the world differently, no two beings (not yet anyway) can occupy the same conscious or physical space at the same time. Think about when you go out for dinner with a friend, you sit at a table across from each other, or side by side. Though you’re having a mutually shared experience, how it is experienced physically is already quite different. Through your eyes you see your friend, but your friend through their eye is seeing you. So already our individual experience of the world is very different from each other.
Now think about all those individual experiences across a lifetime, what each of you have seen, heard, tasted, touched, and smelled, it’s all going to have an impact on the way you think and operate. So not only is your physical experience of the world going to be different, your conscious experience of the world is going to be very different from anyone else’s too.
Therefore, if you think about it, there are an infinite number of ways to experience the world, and an infinite number of way to interpret the experience. It’s so easy for an innocent dinner between two friends, to turn into a nightmarish experience for either one of them. It’s common to feel threatened by something that was said, or something that was seen for instance, simply because of how something was interpreted. No one believes that they're the bad guy and I think this is why, because our experiences justify our view of world.
When you look at paranoia and anxiety objectively, and a lot of other mental illnesses for that matter, you realize that these troubling feelings can only grow, based on how much you invest into a perceived thought. The validity of which, is based on a collection of individual experiences you’ve already had. So, one way to break the grip of paranoia and anxiety, I’ve discovered, is to develop objectivity over them.
How do you develop objectivity?
1. Acknowledge and Accept
The first step is to acknowledge that these thoughts and feelings a quite real, after all, you feel them as if they are. Whether you believe the world is laughing at you, or you feel like the world is rigged against you, you have to accept and acknowledge that you feel this way. Don’t bury it, don’t dismiss it, acknowledge and accept that this is how you feel. This will then ease the pressure of trying to protect yourself from the thought and give you the energy to actually investigate its validity, and help you decide what to do next with more clarity.
However severe it may be, accept how you feel so that it doesn’t go unacknowledged. The reality that your mind has constructed is very much present and to deny it, only causes you to distrust your own mind and weaken your self-belief.
2. Investigate and Learn
Remember, you’re reacting to a perceived reality which hasn’t manifested around you, it’s just present in your own mind, for now. Right now, in this moment, are you literally being laughed at? Are you literally being stopped from seizing an opportunity? If so, then you’re not being anxious or paranoid, it’s actually happening. If not, then investigate the world that your mind has created. Raise questions within until you get an answer, and with each answer, you raise another question until you develop a pathway back to conscious clarity.
The questions are a series of, who, what, when, where, why and how? Most of the time, we only ask one or two questions in this series, and then give up when we cannot arrive at any conclusion. To know the answer, you have to raise the right question. If you want to know the source of your fears, then you need to dive in and investigate the fear. Like a good reporter, you keep digging until you unveil the truth, also like a good reporter, you detach yourself from the story you’re investigating.
The answer may not come from the question, “Why am I being paranoid?”, nor may it come from “How have I become paranoid?” but it may just arrive from, “Where have I developed this paranoia?” or maybe even, “Who is making me paranoid?” – When you feel you’ve stumbled on a fragment of truth, you’ll have connected something you feel to something you’ve actually experienced, then start the series of questions again with this new information. However, this time, you’re learning how you arrived at the experience and as a result, you’re learning about the way you navigate through your life; you’re essentially developing your self-awareness.
As you explore your conscious experiences, you become aware of your conscious experience, thus, you arrive at conscious clarity.
3. Take Action and Regain Control.
When you feel like your mind is once again clear, and you have successfully eased your troubling thoughts, you must make a decision. A decision supporting a truth you have uncovered about yourself/your life, so that you do not continue to fuel an insecure fate, or, continue a life of ignorance. If you have discovered that it’s something you’ve done, or taken perhaps, then you stop it. If you realize there’s a person in your life who is causing you to feel this way, then you move your life away from this person. If you realize that the sum of all your fears comes down to a behavioural pattern, take it as an indication to change behaviour. If you’re still unsure as to why you feel this way, then take it as an indication to seek support and maybe someone else can help you develop objectivity.
If all else fails…
…enact what I call “The Fire Drill Theory” which is something I derived from spiritual teaching. Basically, the higher-self; your imagination; the subconscious mind; or whatever other function of consciousness is at play, is working/are working together to create a ‘sub-reality’ of sorts. A reality of which you need to prepare for in case this sub-reality becomes your actual reality. Therefore, similarly to playing a virtual reality video game, you’ll need to enter your mind and successfully navigate yourself through this nightmare world, that your mind has created. For example, if you feel as though the world is laughing at you, then how are you going to do to deal with it, in a way which reduces most harm? Similarly, to the reason we have fire drills, how are you going to handle the situation and make it out alive? Preparation is confidence, so take your anxiety and paranoia as an opportunity to prepare, as a way for your mind to increase your conscious tolerance. Sort of like a contingency plan, if you will. Should ever this nightmare world become a reality, at least mentally, you’ll be ready to handle it.
Are you ready to reach your true potential?
It’s been a while since we last connected, so I thought I’d take this opportunity to let you know what we’ve been up to here at VanCity Life Coach Inc.:
- New Location!
- Part of the reason we’ve been so quiet, is because we’ve been moving! Located right next to downtown Vancouver in the Mount Pleasant Neighborhood, our new location has become the perfect place to operate the VanCity Life Coach Practice.
- Dream Life Design - Online Life Planning Course
- As many of you may already be aware, one of our missions is to make coaching services more accessible, so we’ve developed a brand new online life planning course. Dream Life Design will help you plan your life, increase self-awareness and unlock your potential in just 5-weeks!
- Enter promo-code: VCLC10 to save 10% off of your enrollment fee!
- The 2018 Wellness Show - Vancouver
- We’ve been invited to exhibit at the 2018 Vancouver Wellness Show! We’ll be talking to locals about coaching services available to them and, if you’re in town, grab your tickets and come by stand #908B and say hello!
- We’re training!
- Ever thought of becoming an accredited VanCity Life Coach? We’ll be taking on a select few to train as coaches on our personal development program. Launching later this year, we’ll be accepting students based on their ability to inspire and educate others. If you have what it takes, register your details here.
- New Monthly Sessions
- Already completed your life plan? Stay on track with your life plan and regularly evaluate and reflect, with a monthly 90-minute coaching session. Subject to availability.
- Meet Our New Manager!
- Sonia Hayre is now managing operations at VanCity Life Coach Inc. and will also act as an adviser in family and relationship coaching. Troubled teens and frustrated couples are also no match for Sonia's wealth of experience.
There’s lots more going on behind the scenes so stay in touch!
Lastly, if you’re invested in harnessing your potential and navigating your life into fulfillment, don't hesitate to schedule your complimentary consultation.
Life Coach and Founder, VanCity Life Coach Inc.
The epidemic may be silent but enough is enough, men, we need to continue and raise the conversation on mental health. Did you know that suicide rates are higher among men, than in women, and that this seems to be a global trend? Furthermore, the suicide rate is steadily increasing with age, which means, guys, the longer we keep bottling up our emotions and suppress what we feel, we’re only more likely to arrive at that point of no return. There's hope though, but keep in mind my advice and concern can only go so far. In truth, only you can truly save yourself, but you’ll have to drop the ego to do so, and let go of every way in which you define yourself as a ‘Man’.
Despite what we’ve been led to believe, we’re not born fearless heroes and we’re not born to rule the world. I promise you that the world will not fall apart if we express a little emotion and communicate the truth about how we feel. In-fact, we’ll be doing the world a favour by doing so, making it more equal and life more liberating for all.
I coach a wide variety of clients internationally, but this year alone I have worked with more men. The number of men I worked with in Vancouver alone has also significantly increased, and first off let me tell you, mental health does not discriminate. Whether you're white and powerful or you’re brown and proud, no one is protected from this. If you're old and wise, or young and resilient, you are not protected from this either. Money, sexuality, what you do for a living, your relationship status, your good morals, your tough exterior, your balanced upbringing, and whichever other way you define and associate yourself with, will not protect you from the emotional ailments that feed on the suppression of truth. So if you think that this does not apply to you, you are very very wrong, and is just another reason why this problem among men has been dubbed a “silent epidemic”
Coaching both men and women, I’m constantly learning of the many perspectives people have of the modern day man, and the issue restricting men really comes down to representation and how it shapes expectation. For example, what parents expect of their sons, what partners expect from their men, and what men expect for themselves is something that is probably learnt and not naturally inherited.
Everywhere we turn there seems to be a representation of men being brave, bold, strong and successful, predominantly fearless in the face of a challenge and affirmed in his character. Physically weaker men and emotionally sensitive men are often portrayed to desire a stronger more masculine exterior, for they’re usually presented as inadequate and unattractive; as the ‘lesser-man’. Watch nearly any mainstream superhero or action movie, and it won't be long before you see these characterizations.
Men with emotional ailments are taught to “man-up”, because, again, it is taught that it isn’t natural for a man to suffer emotionally. It seems the message we receive as boys teaches us that our self-worth is determined by our masculinity, and what it means to be a “Man” - which is a message that is very much incorrect. Now I’m not saying that these representations are negative traits, I mean as men we have little to complain about when it comes to positive representation, but if that’s all we’re represented as, then is it any wonder we have a difficult relationship with vulnerability?
We’re rarely represented in a vulnerable light, which is why the world doesn't expect us to be vulnerable, nor do we really know how to be vulnerable without compromising our emotional integrity. It’s why we fear being seen as vulnerable too, because it conflicts with our learned expectations. As men, we need to widen the representation pool and campaign for more vulnerable depictions of the male identity, and we can only start this process when more of us open up about how we feel behind closed doors. It seems as if we’re programmed to forget that feeling vulnerable is a human trait, and that every man is human. Which I suppose is an accurate statement to make, as we only have to look back at religious texts dating back many millennia - the media of the day - to realize that most Gods and God-like characters in society were referred to as “he” and depicted as men.
I work with motivation for a living and as my career develops, I realize everyday the fundamental mistake we make when defining ourselves as men and why so many of us, all genders included, fail to attain any sense of self-realization. Truth is, we put our gender identities before our very own existence. We somehow fail to realize we’re human, and that our conscious experience is a human experience first and foremost, not just a gendered one. Any emotions you see depicted, and every single emotion you experience, they’re all human emotions, and any emotion that humanly exists can impact any one of us at anytime. It’s entirely a myth to believe that men aren't affected by certain emotions, such as: insecurity and anxiety, nor are we resilliant to depression, because they’re all human traits designed to help us navigate through life. Therefore, to deny or suppress such emotion is, from my experience and understanding, an extension of self-harm.
Being a “Man” is the equivalent of playing a character, and it’s when you don't feel like that character, is when you fail to perform - in every interpretation of the word. It’s a human trait to want to survive, so if you’re not feeling like you can go on any longer, and you’re losing the will to live, then drop the role and realize you’re having a human experience, instead of a male one. Don’t think about resolving your issues like a man, you must resolve your issues like a human, unbound by gender.
Crying is a human trait; sadness is a human trait; fear is a human trait; expression is a human trait; desire is a human trait, and anyone who judges you (yourself included) for any human trait, is just another being who has lost touch with their humanity, and submitted themselves to a restrictive human-like character.
Our human potential is where our focus and attention should be, and exploring life as a human as opposed to just a man, will detach us from the roles and ideologies which meddle with our self-worth and esteem. Deal with your emotional ailments as any human would, and set yourself free from the limiting beliefs of Man.
With the weather in Vancouver taking a dreary turn and the rain giving us yet another excuse to not get up out of bed, we may as well take the opportunity to evaluate and reflect. To help you get started, I put together a short explanation on why you may struggle to get up in the morning, and why procrastination becomes so appealing.
I had the pleasure of speaking with Robert Szmigiel of VancouverEntrepreneur.ca about running VanCity Life Coach Inc. and what it's like being an entrepreneur in Vancouver, B.C. It's been an incredible journey so far, and reliving how it all begun was quite emotional, and also realizing how everyday I feel like it's just the beginning! I hope this podcast interview inspire you to share your ideas and explore your potential, the time to act is now!
For an iTunes link, click here.
It’s no secret that the dating scene in Vancouver is pretty bad, but rarely do we speak about the state of actual relationships in our beautiful city.
As a relationship coach, I’m incredibly aware of the difficulties people face behind closed doors and I wanted to write a post in an attempt to remind people why we need each other.
I apologize if you’ve navigated to this post looking for dating advice, because this is not a post on dating. However, now that you’re here, you may as well realize the purpose of being in a relationship since you’re looking to be in one.
A relationship is supposed to be the safest place for you to bare your soul. To be able to express yourself openly and honestly so that you can fulfil your desires and expel your demons.
This is why, for example, it hurts so bad when you’re cheated on, and why people cheat - it’s all connected to truth and it’s ability to be expressed and accepted. The motivation fueling most relationship problems are the result of either an unfulfilled desire, or the compulsion of an inner demon or a mix of both.
Actually, here’s a free dating tip: if you don’t have a partner, find an avenue to express yourself and as you progress down this avenue, you increase your chances at bumping into someone on the same path.
You can really pinpoint a lot of relationship problems to one’s ability to express themselves honestly, so here are my 5 alternative ways for you and your partner to learn about each other and communicate:
1. Bathe your partner.
It’s romantic bathing with your partner, and a great way to spice things up in you relationship, but if your partner is going through something, bathe them. There’s a certain nurturing involved when bathing someone, and bathing your partner may just help them open the door to their vulnerability, just enough to let you in to understand what they’re going through.
This presents an opportunity to open up about mental health issues and personal truths which cause an inner torment. Also great to ease moments of intense distress, i.e. loss.
2. Lights out.
One of the most difficult things to switch off during conversation is perception, because our senses are constantly picking up on information and interpreting it. Limit bias from sensory input by turning off the lights and having a conversation in the dark. You’ll notice very quickly how much easier it is to listen and communicate, when you’re not concerned with interpreting facial expressions and body language.
This is a great way to communicate inner desire more confidently, as well as a great way to discuss and open up about difficult circumstances.
3. Be Antisocial
Will your relationship survive without bragging rights? Is your relationship worth more than the number of likes you get for that romantic shot you so carefully constructed? The world has outstayed their welcome and it’s time to kick them out of your relationship. Wipe the existence of your relationship from your social media platforms and focus your attention on your partner. You’d be surprised how hard this is for people to do, because often it makes you face a truth you really don't want to face.
Reclaim ownership of your relationship, kick the world out and start talking. It’s shocking at how many relationships depend on the validation from others, which I think makes being in a relationship ironic.
This will highlight a lot of key issues within the foundation of your relationship, or, help you realize how solid it actually is.
4. Break routine.
How many times have you repeated the same evening over and over again? There’s tons of ways you can break routine but the idea is to encourage conversation. One of my my favourite recommendations to couples, is to face the sofa away from the TV and enjoy time and space together. Get into a reflective mood, and relax in each others company - do everything to spend the most time in this space: order take out food, light candles which can be easily blown out, grab a bottle wine and a couple of glasses - have everything you need within reach.
Breaking routine is a nice way to refresh energy and enter a reflective conversation; an opportunity to approach unresolved issues.
5. Meet the parents.
This one’s a little tricky, but, if feasible, build a relationship with your partners parents. Really want to learn about your partner? And want your partner to really understand you? Then spend some time alone with their parents. Spend enough time and you’ll learn about their influences growing up, clues into trauma, and how they may have developed certain behaviours and habits.
If you ever want to learn about someone's outlook on life, spend time getting to know the people they were exposed to growing up.
I call this one the grenade, the saving grace, the very thing that could make or break your relationship. Why? Because you don't know what you’ll uncover. If you do this, proceed with caution.
I hope these tips help you and your partner open up about the world within, and if you need further support, do not hesitate to reach out and schedule a complimentary consultation.
What an amazing year it's been so far, and what a great way to enter fall.
I'm a fan of Jason Silva's YouTube series, Shots of Awe, and I'm glad that we're sponsoring his event right here in Vancouver. He's touring Canada with a series of talks designed to teach you how to 'Hack your Reality' so that you can create a life of "freedom, happiness and abundance"
He opens his tour at Vogue theatre tomorrow, October 14th @ 6PM and I have no doubt that it's going to be an impactful show, full of high energy, and leaving you feeling inspired to "spend more time in the present".
Jason has this unique ability to activate a flow state, practically on cue, and I for one cannot wait witness a stream of consciousness live and direct. As you've already gathered I'm pretty excited about this event, because it's going to be brilliant!
See you there!
It’s been an incredibly busy summer and I cannot express enough gratitude for all the support I’ve received thus far. There’s been some exciting developments this year and I’m excited about the new projects VanCity Life Coach Inc. is going to be launching and be a part of.
So, what’s new?
- A new blog post on taming the Ego! - Success can significantly alter our path, and it’s important to keep the Ego in check to ensure we remain true to who we are and our intentions.
- I’m also very excited to announce that I’m working with the Commonwealth Bank of Australia’s Innovation Lab, to develop an app to help prevent and reduce domestic violence – a cause I’m deeply invested in.
- VanCity Life Coach Inc., now also accepts Bitcoin for all coaching programs and packages!
- New Burnaby Mountain workspace! I have finally opened the doors to my new coaching sanctuary for both clients an coaches-in-training alike, and a place I also call home.
- Lastly, I want to introduce Sonia Hayre as my new Administrative Manager, and VanCity Life Coach in training! Sonia will be heading a lot of the operations in the new year, and soon the Group Coaching program. Sonia will also train as a Life Coach with a focus on family and relationship coaching! You’ll be hearing more from Sonia in the new year!
There’s more to be mentioned as we approach the fourth quarter, so do keep in touch for more news.
I hope everyone has had a great summer here in Vancouver, and wherever you are around the world, I hope the middle months have treated you well. As always, do reach out if you’d like to schedule a complimentary consultation; learn about your potential and how you can navigate your life into fulfillment.
Life Coach, VanCity Life Coach Inc.
Video bought to you by, Vancouver Life Coach, Terry Sidhu.
Vancouver is a wonderful place to call home, and I've found a lot of success here. However, I can sometimes lose sight of who I really am, when the "success" is all that my life becomes. I'm a great Life Coach, I can say that confidently, but it's not all who I am...
Click here to learn about how I keep my Ego from taking over my life, and what you should start doing to navigate your life into a happier, more fulfilling direction.
Life Coaching in Vancouver has been a rewarding experience. However, I remember the days I used to struggle to even get seen. Now that I've established myself within the industry, I want to do as much as I can to guide others in their own path. Whether you're starting out or you're a fully established coach, click on the link below to learn about my top networking tips for Life coaches:
I’ve been quiet on the social media front for a while, and I’d like to say it’s because I’ve entered a new realm of self-awareness, but in truth it's been busy.
A few months ago, I successfully launched my group coaching program and what started out as a project to make life coaching accessible to the wider community, became an eye opening realization for me.
Imitation = Fear
Imitation is an expression of fear, because we imitate to blend in, to be accepted by society, and for others to notice that we fit in and that we belong. We imitate because we’re afraid of being rejected should we ever reveal our truest selves.
Many of us, predominately in the West I feel, are searching for that sense of belonging from a very early age. Think about how a toddler behaves, they walk around confidently, wearing the rawest version of themselves. Forever curious, they’re always in search of answers. Although it may not last too long, toddlers are also very compassionate, incredibly loving and confidently expressive.
I think as conscious awareness develops, there comes a time when we become curious about ourselves and our place in this world, and I think it’s at this crucial point when fear of expression starts to develop. It’s like we spend most of our lives slowly breaking free from a cocoon and once free, we’re very quickly misguided.
As we develop some independence we turn to the world around us for guidance on this human experience. However, the world is still very much an unequal place and as we receive its messages, predominantly through mass media, the majority of us feel underrepresented. When we do not see ourselves being represented, we quickly learn to feel that this is a world in which we do not belong, so what do we do? We imitate.
We buy into popular trends, we follow false idols, and we mimic those who are presented as most-self-actualized. We often do this so blindly that it becomes normal, until the distance between who we really are and who we’ve presented ourselves to be is so wide, that we become afraid to face the truth, and/or unsure of it.
It develops an anxiety of sorts, an uncertainty about the future and thus the quest for happiness continues to be a trivial pursuit. We feed fear each time we deny ourselves the opportunity to be liberated.
Creating a safe space.
In just under 8-weeks my group members had shown phenomenal personal growth. The majority of my clients started out the program feeling insecure and unsure about their future. Towards the end, they all reported feeling happier and unafraid to explore their potential, and reported feeling sure about where they’re headed in life.
I think the success of the group coaching program, was largely due to being a safe space for participants to reconnect with and explore their truest selves, and realize that they’re not alone. I think for many it was the first time they understood how their identities became so blurred and as the weeks progressed, participants became more expressive and compassionate toward one another.
The program became a safe space for them to freely explore their potential without limits. For example, I had one participant who started out as this rigid, hyper-masculine character and he joined the program wanting to learn how to be more productive, and maximize his earning potential. Towards the end, we learned that his procrastination and lack of fulfillment were down to pursuing a path he did not align with, nor particularly enjoy. He had spent so much time imitating an identity attached to confidence and wealth, that he became afraid to pursue something he was actually passionate about and good at, which was art. He learned how to set goals mindfully and how aspirations are achieved, and now he’s enrolling in design school alongside his 9 to 5, to pursue a career where he can do what he loves and impact social change.
In my trial group, I had a participant who joined the program to learn about her place in the world. She was uncertain about her relationships and felt anxious about pursuing her independence. In the program, she learned to trust her emotions for guidance and it turned out, she didn’t fit the image of conventional relationships, of which she was afraid of:
What are you afraid of?
I suppose we can measure fear by how much of our lives we spend imitating others. The world accepting us for how well we imitate it, is not the world accepting us. We’re merely helping the powers at be reinforce their egos. If we want to be represented then we must show the world who it is that needs representation. However, chances are we’re all one of a kind and when we accept this we probably won’t care for representation, because instead we’ll be seeking only inspiration.
Remember the key to fulfillment, in any aspect of life, is a strong and affirmed identity.
Be you. Be inspired. Be Inspiring.
At the start of 2017 I officially launched a complete integration program, and started harm-reduction consulting as additional services of my life coaching practice. Traditionally, I’m serving clients engaged in, and/or post, psychedelic therapy. However, upon developing the integration program, I've found that the needs of this service actually stretch beyond the revival of the psychedelic and spiritual revolutions.
In my work, I define the service of integration as helping people integrate an awareness of two or more ‘systems’, for lack of a better term, into one. These systems can be likened to an individual connecting with different truths; ideas; beliefs; ideologies that cause an unsettling. Being aware of each system causes the individual to question one, or the other, or all systems, in order to seek a truer understanding of themselves and/or the world around them.
A further personal conflict arises when an individual believes that they must commit to just one system, therefore first, integration helps us acknowledge and accept that each system coexist. Then, the process guides them on utilizing the positive aspects of each and develop from the negative aspects of each to reduce harm and difficulty in life. Thus, successfully integrating the alternative system(s) into the primary one; helping you develop a new equilibrium if you will.
For example, say you spend most of your life believing that if you go to school, study hard and get a really good education, that you’ll secure a good job with lots of benefits. A job that will provide you with a lot of money, give your life purpose and meaning, and allow you to live happy and fulfilled. Let’s call this your primary system, the one you've spent most of your life investing in.
Then, let’s say you meet someone who proves to you that there is an alternative way to achieve happiness and fulfillment, a way that doesn’t rely on money perhaps. They have now presented you with another system, and your belief in their system now causes you to question your primary one. So, you find yourself feeling unsettled because you have a belief in two systems that are causing you personal conflict, because you’re unsure of the direction moving forward:
- Do you dismiss your primary system? To which you’ve already invested most of your life into.
- Do you dismiss the alternative system? Which you also believe in and is personally desirable.
- Which system is better for you? As they both seem to offer personal benefits.
- Which direction should you take? As each system causes distrust and uncertainty upon the other.
- What if that person is wrong or was misguided?
- What if you’re wrong and have been misguided?
- How do you decide?
It’s like these systems are people who have both positive and negative influences on you, and integration is the process of evaluation and reflection to establish who is most beneficial to you, and when. Like who you can turn to for motivation when you need it most, and who can help you maintain your responsibilities, and who will inspire confidence, and so on. Integration enables you to give each system purpose, and by doing so it works to reduce a lot of inner conflict.
I like to refer to integration as finding a healthy balance, or middle, by merging very distinct life experiences into a mindful one. After all, it’s our experiences and beliefs that shape and navigate our identities, and we shouldn't dismiss parts of who we are just because it doesn't fit with a certain life model. Perhaps, you could consider my integration service as helping you develop your very own life model to live by. A safe process that allows you to accept and explore each system openly, to understand and utilize them, and encourages you to be your best self, and to live your best life.
Our minds are designed to think openly and without restriction, and when we shape our lives to the minds design, we realize our human potential.
If you wish to learn more about my integration services, please email: firstname.lastname@example.org. To learn more about the role of psychedelic in the treatment of mental health, check out the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies, (MAPS).
Disclaimer: Please note that VanCity Life Coach Inc. does not condone the use of illicit drugs. It is recommended that drug use, of any kind, be under the observation/recommendation of a licensed professional, and in accordance with the law.